The only thing worse than looking at old photos and wondering, “What were they thinking? Those acid wash jean jackets are hideous!,” is watching a horrifying trend emerge and knowing that you are powerless to stop it. Today’s Discuss post isn’t so much a discussion as it is a public service announcement from your future self. (You know, the one who’ll have to spend hundreds of dollars to have that Kate Gosselin/Flock of Seagulls haircut photoshopped out of all of your wedding photos.) So sit back, relax and let the gift of perspective wash over you like cooling shower.
Floral jeans are hideous. Not unflattering. Not unattractive. Not uncool. But truly f#$&ing gasp-worthy ugliness.
These jeans are the kind of fashion faux pas that will stalk your dreams and your Facebook timeline for decades to come. You’ll think that you’ve escaped the dark secrets of your past, and then, one day, a frenemy will post the photo of you at the summer 2012 BBQ wearing floral jeans and holding a Red Solo Cup. And the next thing you know, you’ll be frantically untagging yourself like your mouse pad is on fire.
Shockingly enough, I seem to be one of the few bloggers who hasn’t completely lost her mind and started recommending these monstrosities as a hot spring trend. Thousands of Polyvore and Pinterest users are promoting these jeans like their lives depend on it. And the truly shocking part? Their readers aren’t even hesitating before they drop $189 on a pair of garish retina-searing floral-printed jeans.
After all, if a crowd of twenty-something fashion bloggers is going to jump of that bridge and hurtle toward the rocky outcropping below, then, dammit, so should you. And put some speed on it. (Don’t worry, that busy print will definitely hide the blood spatter.)
Bottom line, floral-printed jeans are 2012’s airbrushed Ugg boot–a trend so heinous that any person who buys a pair will be branded for life as a fashion victim. Because there are just some lines that you cannot uncross.
So if you’ve been considering buying a pair of these cringe-inducing pants, I suggest you spend some time Googling “ugly 80s trends” because clearly, you need some perspective on the difference between chic and trendy.
Floral jeans: the Zubaz of the 21st century.