The only thing worse than looking at old photos and wondering, “What were they thinking? Those acid wash jean jackets are hideous!,” is watching a horrifying trend emerge and knowing that you are powerless to stop it. Today’s Discuss post isn’t so much a discussion as it is a public service announcement from your future self. (You know, the one who’ll have to spend hundreds of dollars to have that Kate Gosselin/Flock of Seagulls haircut photoshopped out of all of your wedding photos.) So sit back, relax and let the gift of perspective wash over you like cooling shower.
Floral jeans are hideous. Not unflattering. Not unattractive. Not uncool. But truly f#$&ing gasp-worthy ugliness.
These jeans are the kind of fashion faux pas that will stalk your dreams and your Facebook timeline for decades to come. You’ll think that you’ve escaped the dark secrets of your past, and then, one day, a frenemy will post the photo of you at the summer 2012 BBQ wearing floral jeans and holding a Red Solo Cup. And the next thing you know, you’ll be frantically untagging yourself like your mouse pad is on fire.
Shockingly enough, I seem to be one of the few bloggers who hasn’t completely lost her mind and started recommending these monstrosities as a hot spring trend. Thousands of Polyvore and Pinterest users are promoting these jeans like their lives depend on it. And the truly shocking part? Their readers aren’t even hesitating before they drop $189 on a pair of garish retina-searing floral-printed jeans.
After all, if a crowd of twenty-something fashion bloggers is going to jump of that bridge and hurtle toward the rocky outcropping below, then, dammit, so should you. And put some speed on it. (Don’t worry, that busy print will definitely hide the blood spatter.)
Bottom line, floral-printed jeans are 2012’s airbrushed Ugg boot–a trend so heinous that any person who buys a pair will be branded for life as a fashion victim. Because there are just some lines that you cannot uncross.
So if you’ve been considering buying a pair of these cringe-inducing pants, I suggest you spend some time Googling “ugly 80s trends” because clearly, you need some perspective on the difference between chic and trendy.
Floral jeans: the Zubaz of the 21st century.
PREACH
If I wore it in third grade (ahem, middle pair with a pink popped-collar polo shirt), I won't wear it again. Which means that I won't be breaking out my E.T. glasses any time soon, either. 😉
Great post, Belle.
Apparently, I live in a cave so I had no idea these were A Thing until now. I cannot believe that something as hideous as this is being touted as fashionable!
Spot on, sister! Amen!
THANK YOU!
Thank you for writing this– I thought I was going crazy! We're all going to make some fashion mistakes in our lives. But when they have “Mistake” written all over them, we should learn to run away.
THANK YOU for posting this. I have seem one too many fashion blogger (and celeb) wearing these monstrosities. AHH make it stop!
This, this is why I read this blog. Love. It.
oh my gosh! the zubaz reference is spot on!
Amen, sister
There is only one time these pants are ever okay, and that's when I'm dressing up as Kelly Kapowski and making by boyfriend channel his inner Mark-Paul Gosselaar and wear acid washed jeans while he carries around a cell phone larger than a brick…
https://images.wikia.com/sbtb/images/3/37/Kelly_Kapowski.jpg
Two words: THANK YOU.
The only time these pants are ever okay is when I'm dressing up as Kelly Kapowski and making my boyfriend channel his inner Mark-Paul Gosselaar and wear acid washed jeans while carrying around a cell phone the size of a brick…
THANK YOU. I am just…no. NO NO NO. I am old enough to remember when Laura Ashley florals were all the rage back in the 80s and it was horrible then too. Even more horrible now because apparently nobody learned anything from that decade.
Thanks for the giggle. Which reminds me, I thought of you when I saw this someecard: “Wow, that's a nice lookin' pair of Crocs.” Said no one ever. https://bit.ly/H7ndDJ
Testify
washed out floral prints in general may be gag.
Adien I made my mother buy me Laura Ashley dresses for church! I had a thing for Little House. Belle these jeans are truly terrible. At first I thought all these girls were being gifted, then I realized they actually spent money on these. My butt and thighs are “healthy” there is no way in hell you will catch me in a printed jean. I just got on the colored jean bandwagon.
Thank you for not drinking the floral jeans Kool-Aid, and for doing it with a healthy dose of snark. Is it wrong that this might be my favorite post?
All together now: Those who do not study history (and its fashion mistakes) are doomed to repeat it (and them).
AGREED. Why is everyone forgetting the 90s? They were bad then and they are bad now.
Oh gross… I love floral leggings but for some reason floral + denim just does not mix for me.
I'd say most of the bloggers who are promoting these pants aren't old enough to remember past 1998.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. I am SHOCKED at the number of otherwise quite fashionable bloggers I have seen sporting these monstrosities in recent weeks. Just… no.
Yes yes yes…and another yes to the Laura Ashley reference above. If I want to wear my childhood bedspread, I can do so without dropping hundreds of dollars on it.
I actually love that first pair. Sorry.
I owned a pair of these and loved them. I was also 5 years old…. I can't imagine wearing a pair again over 20 years later
Features like this don't help: https://www.refinery29.com/spring-must-haves
There's probably 3-4 trends out of the 29 shown that I might consider. Most others are the perfect fodder for a blog post like this one
Preach it, sister!!! LOVE this post.
Thank you for taking the time to make me laugh! I love your blog.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you. I bought a pair of these last year when I was dressing up as Brenda Walsh for Halloween. That is the only way floral jeans should be used: as a costume for an early 90s character. Also, the floral jeans were so ugly I ended up returning them and went for a crushed velvet purple baby doll dress. Much more Brenda in my opinion.
JUST SAY NO TO FLORAL JEANS.
Not only are they floral but they're high waisted too! I have to wonder who it is that decides what's in style. Do they think we're blind?
Just read a spread in this week's New York Mag over breakfast featuring girls on the street with floral pants – smiled cause I read Belle's post yesterday. One girl is quoted, “I always get a lot of compliments from men when I wear these.” 🙂
But all in good fun. I think it is ok for you to experiment a bit with clothes (like floral pants, lol) in your twenties. I think I wore, not necessarily dowdy, but still pretty conservative clothes in my twenties and thirties and kind of regretted not having been a bit more daring once I hit forty last year. (So I bought and wore my very first bikini last summer – albeit with a very high waisted/retro bottom.)
Oh, thank God! A voice of reason!!
YES! And for me, this does not apply to just floral pants. ANY printed-pattern on pants = Fashion Monstrosity.
I saw them in different fashion bloggers and some of them have the talent to put it well….not for everyone I guess…
Just had to say thank you for keeping it real. These are awful!!! Fashion bloggers should use their power for good, not evil, and I appreciate the line drawn BEFORE these (and Uggs).
I agree, these jeans are truly monstrous. But I wonder, what is your take on floral shorts of similar material?
These jeans are stupid
Not gonna lie, I think they're fierce. Not only would I wear floral jeans (and proudly), I would also not be embarrassed 20 years from now if pictures of them turned up somewhere and my friends teased me a bit for my 2012 fashion faux pas. I just don't take myself so seriously, I guess. I would never, however, drop $189 on a pair. But I do think it's fun sometimes to buy something you know will be a short-lived trend (rompers, I'm looking at you) for like $25 or less, just for the playfulness of it all. Fashion doesn't need to be so serious, y'all.
Made my day. Will share with my daughters!
You damn right!
Amen! Just because Olivia P wears them does not make them cool! Thank you for posting this!