Working in a Capitol again is both familiar and strange. Many days feel like a fever dream of a life that I once lived. On the surface, things look the same — blazer on, caffeine in hand, answering the ding of the Outlook inbox. But things are different. I am different.
At 1:00PM, I start watching my phone like a hawk. I’m searching for the notification that says “Motion has been detected in Sloane’s crib.” I am physically in Olympia. I am mentally in committee. But my soul is with Sloane.
My adventure into the world of long-distance parenting is temporary. A few weeks of coming and going. A Gramma visit here, a trip to Amma and Papa’s house there. Consistency for her — going to school, seeing her friends, sleeping in her bed, etc. — was prioritized over seeing Mommy every day. But I can already tell that as the Session progresses, it will become more difficult to drop in and out.
So many of our male friends do this. There are a half-dozen couples in our orbit where the father works elsewhere during the week or travels for work 4-5 days per week, every week. Everyone acknowledges that it’s tough on the family, no one questions his decision. The same is not true for my situation.
“Who will take care of Sloane?”
“Shouldn’t you just take Sloane with you?”
“Maybe Kyle should think about working from Seattle for a few weeks.”
“Why would you apply for a job that wasn’t remote?”
“Are you looking for another job?”
“Well, you can always find something local when you get back.”
I am not a father. I am a mother. And the idea of a mother living apart from her child for any length of is challenging for some to accept. I try to offer those close to me grace, and remember that they are just thinking about Sloane’s needs. But there does come a point where I am forced to ask them the question that no one has thus far been able to answer in the affirmative: Would you be having this conversation with Kyle if he was the one who was leaving?
+ The case for cockiness over confidence.
+ I want to buy these leopard sneakers to wear with suits on Fridays.
+ What powerful women actually wear to the office.
+ This delicate initial charm is just gorgeous.
+ Red wine braised meatballs for cozy dinners (just use the Trader Joe’s meatballs).
+ Bought Sloane this cute twirly little dress for Valentine’s Day.
+ The new novels everyone will be talking about in 2026.
+ This Chantecaille foundation (suggested by Ashley Paiige) feels so light on.
+ These burgundy peonies are total showstoppers.
+ Buying Carolina Herrera lipstick and printed keychain caps for Galentine’s this year.
+ How to become the “creative director” of your year.
+ Huge Sale at Old Navy. I loved this Alex Mill look-a-like cardigan and this oversized Twill Coat.
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So true! A close friend is a consultant with two kids and travels M-Th for work, the questions that she gets boggle my mind.
Also that Old Navy sweater is actually 100% cotton, score!
This was over 10 years ago when my oldest was about 4 months old. I was travelling for work and my fellow passenger (an older man) started chatting. When I said I was a new mom and had a 4 month old, he blurted out, who’s watching him then? I said – only half jokingly – Oh I left him alone, I figured that’s okay at 4 months. The look on his face was priceless and I had a very quiet flight after that. You are so right – no one would think of ask that to a man travelling for work.
Didn’t you take Sloane with you last time you did. this when she was really little? Now you’re just evening things out and giving Kyle back the time with Sloane that he missed then 😉
FWIW, if you need to be away from work, I think it’s BEST when they are small. They won’t remember the missed time at all!! And, frankly, the idea of taking a small child WITH you on a travel work trip is bananas. Truly. Good luck, keep doing you on your terms. You are doing great.
fwiw: if it was kyle who was leaving, i hope they’d at least be concerned about *your* well-being having to solo parent. In my experience, limited work travel on my husband’s part usually brought out the calvary to help me, because i think people are a little better about assuming moms aren’t doing it all already and assuming that dads are actually crucial to their children’s upbringing.
reading rec. I thought of it with the 2026 publications list: https://www.honest-broker.com/p/the-day-ny-publishing-lost-its-soul
I’m reminded of custody when parents divorce. Mom being the primary parent and Dad having every other weekend plus a night or so during the week is the norm. But if Dad is the primary parent and Mom has every other weekend plus a night or so during the week, then people assume that Mom must be a bad mother. Yet no one assumed Dad was a bad father when he didn’t get the lion’s share of the time allocated.
We have come a long way in equalizing the sexes. We also have a very long way to go.
Similarly, I’ve heard people talk about dads who are “babysitting” their kids when the moms are not home, but somehow moms are never “babysitting” when dads aren’t home. The vocabulary should be the same – both moms and dads are solo parenting or just parenting.
You’re good. You know you’re good. And you’re kind to consider that people asking these questions are thinking about Sloane becuase they love her. But really they’re speaking from society telling them that moms are the only ones who can really care for children. And that’s just not correct.
I went back to work when our second child was three months old – I had taken 8 months with our first and was honestly bored. My husband took 12 months paternity leave so was literally off work and had been looking after him since he was a newborn. Every time I traveled for work it was, who’s babysitting the kids? Often from women too. I loved when my kids were newborns, but it was because my husband was right there beside me, washing bottles and handling 2am feeds while I slept through the night.