The Edition: No. 41
Jun 11, 2018
“It’s been an adventure. We took some casualties over the years. Things got broken. Things got lost, but I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.” — Anthony Bourdain
Knife Skills. How to pick your battles at the office. Because sometimes you have to know when to just cut it off.
Mise En Place. I am tidying up my bathroom drawers with these $25 bamboo organizers. After two hard-lived years, the first set still looks new.
Burn the Ice. Why we suck at using our spare time well. (I blame Netflix, and a total lack of self-discipline.)
Dressed. For pretty, printed dresses, this Hobbs polka-dot dress is classic chic. But for my money, this cheery floral from Adrianna Papell is the best. Plus-size? I adore this Rachel Roy Wrap.
Fully Proofed. Do you mind being the breadwinner in your relationship?
Running the Pass. These Nike Zoom cross trainers in lava (neon coral) are the best workout shoe I’ve ever worn.
Medium Rare. Lots of tributes to chef and storyteller Anthony Bourdain have flowed in since his death. This one, “Lover of Food and Enemy to All Tyrants.” was my favorite.
Let’s talk about my favorite, easy dessert, pavlovas. These crispy, chewy little meringues were my law school-studying snack of choice. If you’ve never made them before, they seem intimidating. But MadeByGirl has the simplest recipe for them.
I recommend this jarred caramel sauce from Stonewall Kitchen. Or, if you really want to get jiggy with it (I’m not apologizing for the 90s flashback), add raspberry sauce and a ton of fresh berries. You can pretend it’s healthy.
{photo from MadeByGirl; this post contains affiliate links that may generate commission for the author}
The Breadwinner article is interesting. They asked female breadwinners how they would feel knowing that they’ll always outearn their partners, and the women expressed negative feelings in response. But how can anyone know that they’ll outearn anyone in 10, 20, 30+ years? I earn more than my partner right now, and it works fine for us, but would be naive to assume that dynamic will never change.
I think asking female breadwinners how they feel about their current situation would be more interesting. I can’t say how I would feel after a few decades of this, but for right now, it honestly feels great to make more money than my male partner!
Same. I used to out earn Kyle, but he caught up. Now, I’m dedicated to passing him again. But he’s in an industry where his salary will likely keep going up, so he’ll probably keep passing me.
Huh. The “breadwinner” article is interesting to me. My husband and I are both attorneys- I make maybe 15-20% more and carry our benefits, but tbh I spend more, so I’m pretty sure it all balances out. I think if my husband didn’t have an identical education/license as me, I might feel differently, or if he was underemployed, but it just comes down to the different areas of law we practice in, and I don’t really think that much of it. All that said, if I’m honest, I’m not sure I could have married someone with less education than me.
Those bamboo organizers are great I got mine on your recommendation a while back, still look great.
Also love the yellow Adrianna Papell dress, but my size is gone (:
The breadwinner article didn’t hit a nerve like it seems to as others. My parents are immigrants, and my mom as a nurse always earned 2-3x more than my dad. I currently make double my husband, but we’re both in public service (me, federal government; him, public school teacher). If I go private, I’d probably make 3-4x more, so I will always be the breadwinner in the family. This has never bothered me, and it doesn’t bother him. My job allows us to live the lifestyle we want, and we both know that I have the better chance to move ahead in my career as he has no desire to go into school administration. The only thing I regret is that he gets to spend more time with the kids, but that’s another topic for another Edition!
The breadwinner article is really interesting. My husband used to out-earn me by a little, now I’ve switched careers and out-earn him by a lot. So far, I actually really like it. I don’t feel as anxious as I used to about what I’d do if something happened to him or if he lost his job. So far, he seems to like it too — he’s happier having a flexible schedule and working less hours. We’ll have to see if our feelings change over time.
I am and have been the breadwinner for about three years. At first, I was anxious and felt oddly bad about it. I was worried that it bothered him; it doesn’t.
I do find myself a little resentful from time-to-time. Not that I out-earn, but because I don’t understand why he doesn’t push his org to value him more. He adds immense value to their operation, but doesn’t think fighting for it will get anywhere.
I wonder how much of the anxiety that comes from being the breadwinner comes from women who want children and are painfully aware of the huge professional penalty they’ll pay when they have them. (Time out of the workforce, decreased likelihood of promotion, lower future earning potential, and the fact that women make less per each child they have.) If they’re the breadwinner and the one who’ll face those penalties, who wouldn’t worry? (Speaking as someone who’s childless-by-choice)
I agree with CX. When you’re the breadwinner or your lifestyle is reliant on your salary, the fear of the child penalty is very real.
One other interesting point to add – my husband and I have always been similar earners but I’ve outearned him more years than not. In those years, perversely, he has been able to use that fact as a successful negotiating tactic. I can’t fault him for it, he’s playing to his management’s mindset and ultimately bringing home more money, but I find it very disturbing.
That is disturbing. I once had a coworker walk in the day after his honeymoon and ask for a raise because he had a wife to take care of now, despite the fact that she had a job. They didn’t give it to him because of performance, but I am almost screamed because his life choices did not automatically entitle him to some patriarchy pay increase.