1) Why can’t your company just fix the gender wage gap? (Bloomberg)
2) I had to have these Mango tassel earrings; perfect for every date night.
3) The 21 Unwritten Rules of Flying. (Thrillist)
4) I want this Milly dress for work, but I’ll settle for this affordable Bar III dress.
5) Americans are wary of being alone with the opposite sex. (NYTimes)
6) BCBG Closeout Musts: this chain-link bracelet, black belt, Celine-inspired clutch.
7) The unexpected political power of dentists will surprise you. (WaPost)
8) This printed CK sleeveless top and this ombre top are perfect for the office.
9) Why women have trouble taking compliments. (Elite Daily)
10) Looks good with leggings: This drape front top from Leith.
11) Legislating while female; what it’s like for women to get elected. (WaPost)
What I Bought for a Child’s Birthday Gift. An instant ice cream maker.
What I’m Reading. The Nix.
What I’m Listening To. Bringing the Garden State soundtrack out of retirement.
[image found here]
Monica T. says:
Wow, I am shocked by the fact that women think it’s more inappropriate to have normal interactions with men than the men do! I guess I’m an outlier, and possibly morally suspect. I think of men as people, and don’t change my behavior with them versus other women. Growing up I had mostly male friends, and now working in IT I have almost exclusively male colleagues / bosses. One thing they didn’t quantify is if age of the respondent made a difference in these numbers. I’m seriously just trying to understand how I can think so differently.
Also I totally needed this quote today. Time to dwell on possibilities instead.
I’d actually like to know how people think of “inappropriate.” I would be cautious in a lot of these situations, simply because so often men will make some sort of advance. Even if they’re respectful about it your relationship will typically be awkward afterward, at least temporarily.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot the last year or so for a couple reasons. When I started dating my boyfriend, I was dumped by several male friends because they had been hoping I would date them. I had been single and friends with some of them for years! I also started a job with a gay boss where we travel a lot, and there have been several times we’ve been hanging out in hotel rooms together, and I’ve thought about how I probably wouldn’t be entirely comfortable with this if he were straight.
I’m rambling a little bit, but I guess my point is if someone asked me these questions I wouldn’t be sure how to answer. Not inappropriate, because I do these things with male friends and co-workers and it’s generally just fine. But cautious? Yes.
Monica T says:
I thought about this after the fact, and while I think having a drink / meal / meeting(?!) solo with a man is just fine, I would have a different answer if the man appeared interested in me or if I thought that saying yes to any of those things would be taken as interest in him. Joining a male colleague in his hotel room would be crossing my own personal “safe” boundary though, even if I trusted his intentions completely.
Re: Male “friends” – this does sometimes happen, but I’ve also had male friends who might have been interested but when it became obvious we were only platonic continued to be friends and moved on to an emotionally available female for their other interests. Doesn’t make it any less surprising when it does happen though!
As a GenX who has worked in majority male offices/fields; I’m not shocked but disappointed this is where we are in 2017. It sadly doesn’t surprise me that women worry more about perceptions of “inappropriate” behavior … how often do people imply that a woman advanced in her career because she is attractive?!?
Jenn S. says:
Monica, I’m in a similar boat! Working in IT means (at my currently org) ALL but two of my colleagues are male. If I couldn’t handle meetings with my gentleman coworkers or bosses or they with me when it is necessary, that would be a problem and significant obstacle to our business.
I do recognize that there is (not insignificant!) concern about reputations and integrity and whatnot. But if you’re at an org with a culture where that sort of thing is an issue, you’re at the wrong org. Find a new one. Easier said than done, naturally, but every journey begins with a first step and all that.
Yep, after many years in BigLaw, wow, not getting dinner/drinks with other lawyers and clients (mostly male) would have been a real job killer.
Let’s be frank, Pence-ian attitudes are misogynistic. If you can’t be alone with women without jeopardizing your marriage vows or harassing female underlings, how about you don’t deserve to have power over other peoples lives and careers!?! Oh, right, you’re worried that women are just sitting around waiting to sabotage you with fake harassment claims and you need to protect yourself from that. I mean surely that’s why those women went to ALL THAT TROUBLE to become accomplished professionals, staffers, and lobbyists – it was to SURPISE! GET YOU with a fake harassment claim…
And to the other posters concerned about men making advances, lol, I find this goes away with age. I think I’m pretty hot! but there are certainly younger and hotter women in the office that get that kind of attention, leaving me to have some pretty genuine working relationships with my male colleagues. We talk about family and clients and we’re all trying to make something of our mutually-dependent careers. And I think if you try, you can spot the folks that are eager and proud to have meaningful work relationships with members of the opposite sex. Initial caution in any new work/client relationship is wise – it’s not just about sexuality, it’s about not knowing who the ethical and competent and diligent and likeable folks are until you work with them for a bit, so ALWAYS proceed with caution. As an older female, I wish I could help younger women navigate their early professional years when its hard not to wear your personal life (and often your sexuality too) on your sleeve, but I think whatever would come out of my mouth would only sound like ‘ol Liz Lemon telling Cerei that she has to wear real clothes and a bra to work.
The Garden State album is so good. Good reminder – it’s been awhile!
oh man, i was just listening to a song from the garden state soundtrack last week. love it!
That nail polish set! Perfection!