Emmy’s Red Carpet 2014: Now, with One Liners

Aug 26, 2014

Last night, millions of Americans sat through stale joke after stale joke to see the Billy Crystal tribute to Robin Williams and then promptly changed the channel to something actually worth watching.  I did learn a few things from the Emmy’s, however.

I learned that if you want your show to win lots of awards, make fewer episodes and call it a miniseries.  If you’re British and you need a few accolades, make sure your show airs in America (unless, of course, you’re Ricky Gervais who is still serving penance for that Golden Globes debacle).  If you can’t tear up convincingly during your colleague’s acceptance speech, just blow kisses.  And apparently a lot of people want George RR Martin sequestered in some kind of bunker until his next book is complete.

I was on the road, so I didn’t catch them Emmy’s red carpet, but thanks to the fine folks at Just Jared, I didn’t need to.  Here are some quick thoughts on a few of the gowns that dazzled and those that left me feeling dazed.

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Katharine Heigl in vintage John Hayles

When her stylist said this dress was Old Hollywood, I think she meant old folks’ home in Hollywood.  Seriously, she looks like Norma Desmond in a dressing gown.  If Cecil DeMille wasn’t dead, he’d be terrified.

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Sarah Paulson in Armani Prive

This dress will self-destruct in 15-seconds.

also considered…

From Armani Prive’s CERN-inspired collection for those who can’t enough of sub atomic particles.

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Octavia Spencer in Tadashi Shoji

My colors are blush and bashful.

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Kate Walsh in Stephane Roland

Made the worst dressed list.  Also won the Big Bird lookalike contest.

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Julia Louis-Dreyfuss in Carolina Herrera

Can I please look this good at 53? Oh, who am I kidding? I don’t look tho good at 32.

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Kate Mara in J. Mendel

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Mara, I think Kate is spending too much time with Rooney.

also,

Why are so many vegans are willing to support a designer who is Europe’s most infamous furrier, but eating cheese is wrong?

More photos after the jump…

66th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards - Arrivals

Camilla Alves in Zuhair Murad

This woman could make jorts and Uggs look good.

66th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards - Arrivals

Julia Roberts in Elie Saab

I like this. I don’t know why.

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Kerry Washington in Prada 

The Great Pumpkin meets Thriller meets Liberace.

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Betsy Brandt in Alice + Olivia

I don’t know who this woman is, but she really hated that couch to skin it and wear its pelt in triumph.

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Zooey Deschanel in OdlR

Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.

also,

This is some of the worst Botox that I have ever seen.

66th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards - Arrivals

Mayim Bialik in Oliver Tolentino

If Blossom can look this good while adhering to the dress code of Orthodox Judaism, what is everyone else’s excuse?  I’m looking at you Kristin “It’s Called a Bra” Wiig, Claire “They’re Called Bobby Pins” Daines and Lady Mary.

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Allison Williams in Giambattista Valli

Everything about this just works.

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  1. L says:

    > Why are so many vegans are willing to support a designer who is Europe’s most infamous furrier, but eating cheese is wrong?

    Asking a designer to make a dress without animal products (which I hope Kate Mara did, but who knows since many celebrities are “vegans” in diet only and then jump ship later on) shows that there is a demand for vegan clothing.

    Though if I were on the red carpet, I’d probably ask Vaute Couture to make something for me.

    • Anna says:

      I think it depends on why someone is vegan, but I think this applies especially if you’re the pro-PETA, naked ad type, By wearing a designer who uses animal products, even if they are absent from your gown, you’re supporting his/her ability to continue using animal products.

  2. Anna says:

    Haha, I thought the same exact thing about Julia Roberts right before I read your comment. I wish Myam’s gown wasn’t so voluminous. I don’t think it’s particularly flattering, though I do love the top part. This might be my favorite Zooey Deschanel, which isn’t saying a whole lot. I just HATE the hair. Looks like she got it cut at Supercuts circa 2002.

  3. CF says:

    I always have a good chuckle when a celebrity talks about how they adhere to a “strict vegan diet” as they carry a leather handbag.

  4. JenniferD says:

    Greetings Belle – You hit the nail on the head with these reviews. . . but you forgot to mention Lena Dunham. Or perhaps you are still speechless. As for me, I just can’t stop staring at those People online photos. Just. Can’t. Stop. Staring . . .

  5. AR says:

    I thought the SAME thing about all the J. Mendel. It’s hard to understand how these frequently outspoken actresses can’t grasp the statement they’re making when they support that designer.

  6. Erin says:

    I just think Julia Roberts’ hair is wrong… I kind of want her to be wearing a high ponytail or something to work with that dress. Otherwise I found it surprisingly lovely.

  7. Gabby says:

    To be fair (and as a vegetarian for over a decade), not everyone who has a diet that limits/eliminates animal products does it for ethical reasons, and for some people (like me), it’s about a personal commitment to not eat animals. I don’t care what anyone else does, and I don’t think being a vegetarian or vegan obligates someone to be an animal rights activist.

  8. Danielle says:

    This post made me feel a little sad. I love how conscientious you normally are about body types and helping women wear a certain look in a flattering way. I know is very common to criticize celebrity looks and I can accept that celebrities put themselves out there for it, but this post just fell a little short for me considering the the really positive vibes of your other posts. A best-dressed and why it works list would have felt more in line with your normally positive blogging style.

    • Belle says:

      I don’t criticize anyone’s body, just their dress. I figure if you can afford a stylist and to have your pick of the dresses, you have no excuses.

  9. Valerie says:

    Betsy Brandt (in the flowered Alice + Olivia dress) is one of the supporting actresses from Breaking Bad.

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