Emmy’s Red Carpet 2014: Now, with One Liners
Aug 26, 2014
Last night, millions of Americans sat through stale joke after stale joke to see the Billy Crystal tribute to Robin Williams and then promptly changed the channel to something actually worth watching. I did learn a few things from the Emmy’s, however.
I learned that if you want your show to win lots of awards, make fewer episodes and call it a miniseries. If you’re British and you need a few accolades, make sure your show airs in America (unless, of course, you’re Ricky Gervais who is still serving penance for that Golden Globes debacle). If you can’t tear up convincingly during your colleague’s acceptance speech, just blow kisses. And apparently a lot of people want George RR Martin sequestered in some kind of bunker until his next book is complete.
I was on the road, so I didn’t catch them Emmy’s red carpet, but thanks to the fine folks at Just Jared, I didn’t need to. Here are some quick thoughts on a few of the gowns that dazzled and those that left me feeling dazed.
When her stylist said this dress was Old Hollywood, I think she meant old folks’ home in Hollywood. Seriously, she looks like Norma Desmond in a dressing gown. If Cecil DeMille wasn’t dead, he’d be terrified.
This dress will self-destruct in 15-seconds.
From Armani Prive’s CERN-inspired collection for those who can’t enough of sub atomic particles.
My colors are blush and bashful.
Made the worst dressed list. Also won the Big Bird lookalike contest.
Can I please look this good at 53? Oh, who am I kidding? I don’t look tho good at 32.
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Mara, I think Kate is spending too much time with Rooney.
Why are so many vegans are willing to support a designer who is Europe’s most infamous furrier, but eating cheese is wrong?
More photos after the jump…
This woman could make jorts and Uggs look good.
I like this. I don’t know why.
The Great Pumpkin meets Thriller meets Liberace.
I don’t know who this woman is, but she really hated that couch to skin it and wear its pelt in triumph.
Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.
This is some of the worst Botox that I have ever seen.
If Blossom can look this good while adhering to the dress code of Orthodox Judaism, what is everyone else’s excuse? I’m looking at you Kristin “It’s Called a Bra” Wiig, Claire “They’re Called Bobby Pins” Daines and Lady Mary.
Everything about this just works.