Like most Americans, I don’t watch the SAG awards. That’s why they’re on TNT, the channel dedicated to reruns of Angel and Las Vegas, and not a network. But halfway through the show, people started tweeting at me about how great the dresses were, so I decided to take a look.
Tis true that the ratio of good gowns to hideous monstrosities was much better. This begs the question, are they learning from their mishaps or is this a cruel joke to make me hope for a glamorous Oscar carpet? There’s no way to know. So let’s treat the SAG awards to their very own red carpet rundown using reviews of three sentences or less.
Jennifer Lawrence in Dior
The dress fits nicely, but isn’t terribly exciting. The hair is wilted and depressing. More proof that burgundy lips aren’t for everyone. Just found out JLaw had pneumonia, so I have nothing but respect for her making the effort. I’ve had pneumonia, it’s horrific.
Kerry Washington in Rodarte
Perhaps the only Rodarte gown I’ve ever truly loved. The bodice is sublime. Would have appreciated a bit more fullness in the hairdo.
Anne Hathaway in Giambatista Valli
Oh goodie, a dress that doesn’t touch the floor (I don’t understand this trend towards tea length.). In my opinion, it’s just another frock by Sybil that can’t decide if it’s short or long. Her hair and makeup look really fresh and lovely.
Jessica Chastain in Alexander McQueen
A much better dress than the Globes, and the neckline is pretty and interesting. However, the necklace looks like it came from the prom jewelry section at Claire’s. And any person born before 1992 will be unable to look past the obvious Jessica Rabbit homage.
Naomi Watts in Marchesa
The finger waves, the pale grey, lace column gown and the just-right pink lip are a vision. And the cabochon stone in that ring is extraordinary.
Want to read more of my quick thoughts on the SAG Awards and see my picks for best and worst dressed? They’re after the jump.
Elizabeth Moss in Dolce & Gabbana
If you’re going to wear a short dress, this is how you do it, with Dolce and flair.
It cannot be easy to find red carpet attire when you’re an “aspiring modern Orthodox” Jew. But this dress keeps her covered, looks fab and even gives the appearance of a waist on a very straight torso. The makeup looks nice too.
Kiernan Shipka in OdlR
It’s a terrible tragedy when someone who isn’t even old enough to have a driver’s liense knows more about style and dressing appropriately than the professionals paid to dress Jessica Chastain, Kaley Cuoco and Halle Berry.
Katrina Bowden in Badgley Mischka
I have no idea who you are, but I love this dress. The are deco applique and soft color are divine. I hope you become more famous so you can sway the balance of ugly dresses to pretty dresses in the right direction on future red carpets.
I want to like this look, I do–but the bow tied at the waist of a thoroughly modern gown is distracting me. Plus, I’m over slits and slit-posing. Love the shoes and hair though.
Jayma Mays in Georges Hobeika Atelier
The texture on this gown, with the cascading floral applique is really beautiful. The neckline is just right for her, and keeping everything else (jewelry, hair) simple, really works for her.
Lea Michelle in Valentino
My thoughts are in order of occurrence: Is Glee still on the air? Dip-dyed hair is so 2011, gross. When you’re the size of a Hobbit, you shouldn’t wear a ruffled peasant skirt. And, Glee is still on the air, are you sure?
Ellie Kemper in Reem Acra
Mint is really her color. With the alabaster skin and red hair, the look is ethereal and gorgeous.
Julie Bowen in Johanna Johnson
Cate Blanchett would look edgy in a leather gown. Julie Bowen looks a bit like she’s playing dress up. And while the eye makeup is perfectly done, the messy gym ponytail makes me want to cry.
So who was my worst dressed of the night? It was a tie between…
Claire “early-90s Goth, burgundy lip of death” Danes in Givenchy.
Rose “Laura Ashley presents Little House on the Prairie” Byrne in Valentino and the flattest, stiffest finger waves I have ever seen.
As for my best dressed, that was also a tie between…
Nina Dobrev in Elie Saab
This dress is the definition of relaxed elegance. I love the punchy color and drop earrings, and she is wearing exactly the right cheek color for her slightly tan skin.
Amanda Seyfried in Zac Posen
At this moment, I want to be her. The dress, the necklace, the hair, the eye makeup…it’s all positively divine. This ensemble is on my top five best red carpet looks of all time.
All of the photos were from HuffPost and Getty. They have dozens more on their site, you should check them out.