Discuss: Kiss and Tell
Oct 26, 2012
I need some advice about a problem I’m having at work. Several months ago, I was out to dinner with my husband when I spotted my boss’s husband sitting at the bar. Naturally, I walked over to say hello.
He was sitting with a woman who was not my boss, and she had her hand on his thigh. When I saw that, I turned and walked away. My husband also saw them kissing.
Last week, my boss confided in another co-worker that she thinks her husband is cheating on her. Obviously, I know he is.
I didn’t tell her when it happened because I didn’t want to hurt her. But now I think I should say something…what do you think?
I’m going to make my advice short and sweet: Keep your mouth shut.
If you tell her now, she’s going to wonder why you didn’t tell her months ago. I understand that you were trying to spare her feelings, but you chose a path and now you’re committed to it. Telling her now will only leave her feeling more betrayed than she already does, and cause her to question your loyalty.
Plus, if you tell her, you insert yourself into a very dramatic situation, opening up a Pandora’s Box of trouble that you do not want. Because once you tell her what you saw, you will forever be the woman who saw her husband cheating on her. That’s a bell you can’t unring.
What if they get divorced and she wants you to swear to what you saw in court?
What if they stay together? You’ll be a constant reminder about what happened, and she’ll probably wonder if you judge her for staying with him.
What if she doesn’t believe you and thinks you’re making it all up?
Whichever way you slice it, this is a nightmare situation to be in, but unless this woman is also your very-very good, close-as-sisters friend as well as your boss, don’t say anything. She is your employer, you have a professional relationship, focus on that and forget about what you saw.
Yes, it will suck to keep the secret. But I can almost guarantee that the flip side of this record is even uglier.
Also, I would recommend that you don’t discuss the situation with your fellow employees. Your boss confided in your co-worker, and she should have kept that to herself. Don’t gossip about this situation with him/her, or with anyone, anymore. Gossiping about your boss’s personal life is unprofessional and could be very detrimental to your career.