Some of the greatest fashion sins happen below the ankles. Ugly footwear are a blight upon humanity, and in the warm weather months, they multiply by the thousands. So I’ve decided that it’s time for an ugly shoe intervention.
Every week, I’m going to post three pairs of shoes that I think are truly hideous. Then, I’ll post three pairs of shoes in a similar style that don’t make me want to kick a puppy. This week, wedges.
Shoe Number One: Neutral Wedges
Naughty: Too heavy, too clunky. The ankle strap will cut off your leg line, making your legs look shorter. The thickness of the wedge is going to pull your leg down like a weight and bring all of the focus to your feet.
Nice: Lower in height than the other pair with thinner straps to maintain a…shall we say, daintier feel. They are also more fashion forward with metal accents and a gladiator style.
Basically, these shoes are prettier, more fashionable and more versatile than the shoes at left. You could wear them under jeans, with summer dresses, or with *deep breath* shorts. (Shorts are really in this season, but that’s another post.)
Shoe Number Two: Basic Black
Naughty: Everywhere I go during the summer months, I see these shoes. I see them on the feet of Hill staffers in business suits. I see them on the feet of women in cocktail dresses. I see them on the feet of tourists in museums, nice restaurants and poolside cabanas. For whatever reason, thousands of American women have decided that these clunky, chunky, black slides are the perfect warm weather shoe for every possible occasion. They.are.WRONG.
These shoes look like you’ve strapped two leather blocks to your feet. Like the brown pair above, they pull your leg down because they don’t compliment the graceful shape of a woman’s foot. They’re awful. If you own a pair, chuck them.
(I owned a similar pair in 1999. Wore them til they fell apart. I have the photographic evidence to prove that no woman, not even moi, can make these look good.)
Nice: Like the replacement pair for number one, these shoes compliment the shape of your foot. They also have a more modern style and even though they do have an ankle cuff, the multiple, thin straps keep it light and fashion forward. I would wear them with full or flowing skirts and dresses. They’d also look great peeking out from under black trousers at work. That’s right, I said work.
Shoe Number Three: The Patent Leather Dressy Wedge
Naughty: Too high, with an unecessary ankle strap. Let’s face it, these shoes just look awkward.
Nice: These neutral-colored wedges preserve the line of the leg by eliminating the ankle strap. Also, the cut-outs on the open toe make the shoe more delicate. And while this is a higher heel, it’s not as ridiculously high as the naughty version is.
These shoes could literally be worn anywhere, except with a cocktail dress. They are the perfect warm weather work shoe: comfortable, neutral, versatile.