I’ve put it off as long as possible. It’s time to talk about shorts. (Pick yourselves back up off of the floor, we’re all in this together.)
My dislike (read: retina searing hatred of shorts) is well known. My beliefs are simple. I think that the 3” and 5” shorts are not flattering on 85% of women, including myself. I think that shorts shorter than Bermuda length are not appropriate if you are over 35 years of age. And that shorts are never, and I mean NEVER, appropriate in a work setting unless you work for a glossy fashion magazine or a retailer who sells shorts.
This being said, I am now going to have to admit to a bit of hypocrisy. But only a bit.
Last week, I purchased a pair of bright coral, 7″ long, scalloped shorts. I plan to wear them with a sequin tank top, a grey blazer, chunky bangles and a pair of silver wedges. However, I do not plan to wear them yet. It is too cold, and my thighs are not yet in shape enough for shorts.
That’s right, I’m not too proud to admit it. I loved these shorts so much, that I went to the gym last night. And three times last week. Now, I loathe the gym with a fury of emotion previously reserved for African despots and Uggs, but if I’m going to wear shorts, then dammit, I am going to look good doing it.
Should I fail in Operation Eliminate Secretary Spread, I will sell them. My hypocrisy only runs so deep.
This is not to say that I am endorsing the wearing of boring, twill shorts. I am not. Twill shorts are for the beach and the golf course and nowhere else. Instead, I am placing an asterisk next to “Belle says no shorts ever*.” An asterisk that leads to the following footnote, “Shorts may be worn with bare legs in May-Sept. They must be carefully selected and tailored to fit perfectly, and they must exemplify a trendy, fashion forward look.” I believe that the following shorts fit this definition.
I’m sure some of you will feel the need to throw stones at this hypocrite in the comments section. So be it. Fashion evolves, so occasionally opinions about fashion need to be re-examined. This is also known as the Skinny Jeans Act of 2006.