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Trendspotting: The Long and the Short of It

I’ve put it off as long as possible.  It’s time to talk about shorts.  (Pick yourselves back up off of the floor, we’re all in this together.) 

My dislike (read: retina searing hatred of shorts) is well known.  My beliefs are simple.  I think that the 3” and 5” shorts are not flattering on 85% of women, including myself.  I think that shorts shorter than Bermuda length are not appropriate if you are over 35 years of age.  And that shorts are never, and I mean NEVER, appropriate in a work setting unless you work for a glossy fashion magazine or a retailer who sells shorts. 

This being said, I am now going to have to admit to a bit of hypocrisy.  But only a bit.

Last week, I purchased a pair of bright coral, 7″ long, scalloped shorts.  I plan to wear them with a sequin tank top, a grey blazer, chunky bangles and a pair of silver wedges.  However, I do not plan to wear them yet.  It is too cold, and my thighs are not yet in shape enough for shorts. 

That’s right, I’m not too proud to admit it.  I loved these shorts so much, that I went to the gym last night.  And three times last week.  Now, I loathe the gym with a fury of emotion previously reserved for African despots and Uggs, but if I’m going to wear shorts, then dammit, I am going to look good doing it.

Should I fail in Operation Eliminate Secretary Spread, I will sell them.  My hypocrisy only runs so deep.

This is not to say that I am endorsing the wearing of boring, twill shorts.  I am not.  Twill shorts are for the beach and the golf course and nowhere else.  Instead, I am placing an asterisk next to “Belle says no shorts ever*.”  An asterisk that leads to the following footnote, “Shorts may be worn with bare legs in May-Sept.  They must be carefully selected and tailored to fit perfectly, and they must exemplify a trendy, fashion forward look.”  I believe that the following shorts fit this definition. 

Polyvore set here.

I’m sure some of you will feel the need to throw stones at this hypocrite in the comments section.  So be it.  Fashion evolves, so occasionally opinions about fashion need to be re-examined.  This is also known as the Skinny Jeans Act of 2006.

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  1. gingerr says:

    I've seen a couple of people in shorts with tights under them and I think it looks silly.

    I have had a revelation about the length of my shorts. I'm short and have a shape that bears a resemblance to an upside down ice cream cone. Long shorts and pedal-pusher lengths do me no favors as they accentuate my triangular shape.

    I'm starting this season getting rid of my knee-length shorts and getting ones that hit me at mid-thigh. I may keep a sedate pair of Bermudas for when, aka “What White People Like” I wear them with a sweatshirt on cooler days. Otherwise I'm going to shorter, but not too short, lengths.

    November 30, -0001/Reply
  2. gingerr says:

    I've seen a couple of people in shorts with tights under them and I think it looks silly.

    I have had a revelation about the length of my shorts. I'm short and have a shape that bears a resemblance to an upside down ice cream cone. Long shorts and pedal-pusher lengths do me no favors as they accentuate my triangular shape.

    I'm starting this season getting rid of my knee-length shorts and getting ones that hit me at mid-thigh. I may keep a sedate pair of Bermudas for when, aka “What White People Like” I wear them with a sweatshirt on cooler days. Otherwise I'm going to shorter, but not too short, lengths.

    November 30, -0001/Reply
  3. Terri says:

    Haallelujah! Belle has seen a glimpse of light! Agree on all points. IF you are going to go for shorts, go for the current and flattering cuts. Leave the butt cheek revealing ones to ,,,,well, you know to who. Good luck stopping the giggle.

    March 31, 2011/Reply
  4. Meg says:

    “Skinny Jeans Act of 2006.” I actually laughed out load at thist! Thanks for this perfectly hilarious post – just what I needed on a Thursday : )

    March 31, 2011/Reply
  5. J says:

    I never wear shorts either – strictly a skirts and dresses gal myself. But you may have just changed my mind – I am in LOVE with the bow tie shorts. super cute!

    March 31, 2011/Reply
  6. Allison says:

    This post made me happy! Yay for re-evaluating past fashion decisions. We all wear sequins all the time now, when they used to be for vegas strippers right? The shorts you described sound fantastic, as does the outfit you described.

    March 31, 2011/Reply
  7. gingerr says:

    I've seen a couple of people in shorts with tights under them and I think it looks silly.

    I have had a revelation about the length of my shorts. I'm short and have a shape that bears a resemblance to an upside down ice cream cone. Long shorts and pedal-pusher lengths do me no favors as they accentuate my triangular shape.

    I'm starting this season getting rid of my knee-length shorts and getting ones that hit me at mid-thigh. I may keep a sedate pair of Bermudas for when, aka “What White People Like” I wear them with a sweatshirt on cooler days. Otherwise I'm going to shorter, but not too short, lengths.

    April 1, 2011/Reply
  8. zora.d says:

    absolutely no stones over here… just hysterical laughter! i wish the Skinny Jeans Act was on thomas.gov, i would love to read the whereas's (((am i lame for legislative term dropping?)))

    April 1, 2011/Reply
  9. MidwestChic says:

    I hope you do some more polyvore sets with shorts as it gets warmer!

    April 1, 2011/Reply
  10. Nellie says:

    Agreed! Want more info about the SJA of 2006!

    April 26, 2011/Reply