Sadly, being boring beyond words isn’t a crime, but it should be. There weren’t as many terrible mistakes on the carpet as in years past, but there certainly wasn’t much to write home about. These were my least favorite looks of the night.
Marisa Tomei in vintage Charles James
Is a vintage prom dress in taffeta and tulle really the best choice for a woman pushing 50? This dress gives new meaning to the phrase “bottom heavy” and reminds me of the heavy fabrics they used in the 1800s to drape coffins.
But at least she was wearing jewelry. It was like a bauble and bling famine on the carpet last night. Van Cleef and Chopard must be beside themselves with grief.
Halle Berry in Marchesa
After Halle’s Golden Globes fashion disaster, I wanted to like this dress, I really did, but I couldn’t. If her GG dress was Catwoman inspired, this dress was a jewel encrusted scratching post. It fits her beautifully and the color is nice, but the bottom looks like it was shredded by an Aderrall-addicted kitty.
Reese Witherspoon in Armani Prive
I know that a lot of people liked this look, but I thought Resses looked like a vintage Barbie.
When dressing up, there’s a fine line between wearing a look and wearing a costume. This ensemble crosses that line. The outfit was so mod that I thought I was watching a remake of Valley of the Dolls.
Scarlett Johansson in Dolce Gabbana
My first reaction upon seeing this dress: Is that ric-rac? Nope, it’s just ugly, like a 1960s table cloth.
Gwyneth Paltrow in Calvin Klein
Beam me up, Gwynnie! I like liquid sequins as much (or much, much more) than the next girl, but this look is positively Star Trek.
And with such a modern dress, why would you add a floral brooch? And more importantly, why would you add it to the waist?
Jennifer Hudson in Versace
This dress should have been a homerun, but the strangely two-toned and overly visible cleavage ruined it for everyone. And as for the hair, it’s pure Princess Leia. Don’t believe me, click here.
Worst of all, however, was the fact that Gwyneth Paltrow sang (?) while J-Hud presented. There’s just something inherently wrong about that.
But the worst dressed of the night was…
Nicole Kidman in Dior
Really, what isn’t wrong with this look? The rumpled texture. The ill-fitting bust. The strange chevron apron (?) that makes it look like she’s smuggling an half-open umbrella under her dress. The red peep-toes. The snooze-inducing ponytail. Yes, it’s safe to say that I hated everything about Kidman’s look except her arm candy.