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Attack of the Seam Ripper

When my friend KL told me this story at breakfast on Monday, I laughed so hard that tears were flying off of my face.  So I knew that I had to get permission from her to post it.

Our conversation went something like this:

Belle: So how long have you and the New Boy been dating?

KL: Two months or so, but I’m ending it.

Belle: Why? I thought things were going so well.

KL: Umm, not to overshare, but he’s a Ripper.

Belle: Like the serial killer?

KL: No, moron (she didn’t actually call me that, but it was implied).  The gets overly excited during foreplay and starts ripping my clothes off of me, ripper.

Belle: Wait, wait, wait.  He actually rips the clothes?  Like tears them… Or is he just removing them in a violent manner?

KL:  No, he rips them.  Two cocktail dresses and four blouses, so far.  The plum Matthew Williamson dress that I wore to Sinatra Soiree is completely destroyed and I’m heartsick about it. 

Belle: (laughing)  Have you talked to New Boy about this?  I mean, maybe he could replace the items or at least stop doing it?

KL: Yeah, we talked.  He said it was beyond his control, that when he’s in the moment he’s just not thinking clearly.  He thought that I should be flattered that he is so into me. 

He also mentioned three times that no other women had ever complained about it, and then told me that they were just a couple of dresses.

Belle: (chortling) And your response?

KL: That my dresses cost as much as the payment on his car. 

I also pointed out that his longest relationship lasted for four months, and suggested that maybe he had burned through so many girlfriends because once they ran out of clothes the relationship had to end. 

To say that I was angry about his indifference would be putting it mildly, which is why it’s over tonight at dinner.

My alterations guy will be sad, I think I put one of his daughters through college this month, but I think this is a deal breaker.

Belle: (chokes on frittata while laughing uncontrollably)

***

I thought men only ripped clothes in bad romance novels.  And while I can see how some women might think this is hot, I would probably freak out  at the sound of the tearing thereby completely ruining the moment.

So what do you ladies think?

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  1. Meg says:

    Thaks for sharing! This just made my day : )

    September 23, 2010/Reply
  2. Melissa says:

    That was hilarious!

    And yes, I'd probably be so pissed at the sound of my clothing ripping that foreplay would immediately be over and there would be no follow-up. I'm surprised she lasted two months!

    September 23, 2010/Reply
  3. Stephanie says:

    Totally agree with Melissa! This guy sounds like a tool.

    September 23, 2010/Reply
  4. G says:

    Oh my god this happened to my friend with a guy she was hooking up with in college! And she was wearing MY dress. I'm sorry, if you are a sane adult you can most definitely control yourself.

    September 23, 2010/Reply
  5. KT says:

    The thought of some of my favorite dresses being torn is unbearable… I've been known to insist on hanging up my outfit as I get undressed.

    I'm glad your friend shared, this story made my afternoon!

    September 23, 2010/Reply
  6. Megs says:

    OMG, that honestly made my afternoon! What is wrong with people, seriously?! If he doesn't think it was that big of a deal and it's out of his control, she should send him the bill…

    September 23, 2010/Reply
  7. The Slapdash Sewist says:

    Ripping clothes? Really? He needs to stop reading romance novels. That is hilarious. I think it'd be a firing offense in a boyfriend, too.

    September 23, 2010/Reply
  8. Serena says:

    This is hilarious! That boy is strange! Although, I did have a friend who absolutely hated one of her boyfriend's shirts, but he insistend on wearing it all the time. So one night after a late night out, she ripped it off him in a moment of “passion.”

    September 23, 2010/Reply
  9. Belle says:

    Serena-

    That is classic. I'm going to remember that one, forever.

    September 23, 2010/Reply
  10. Jessica says:

    Now, I've had underwear ripped off of me, but a dress? No thanks. Great story!

    September 24, 2010/Reply
  11. ~M says:

    That could be hot once, like maybe ripping buttons off or something…
    That's hilarious!

    September 24, 2010/Reply
  12. Suburban Sweetheart says:

    What an absolutely ridiculous thing. Once? Fine. Twice? Maybe. Repeatedly, with not a hint of being apologetic or understanding? No effing way.

    That said, maybe your friend should stop buying dresses that cost as much as car payments. Jesus Christ.

    September 24, 2010/Reply
  13. Kristen says:

    Wow. That is crazy weird.

    September 24, 2010/Reply