When my friend KL told me this story at breakfast on Monday, I laughed so hard that tears were flying off of my face. So I knew that I had to get permission from her to post it.
Our conversation went something like this:
Belle: So how long have you and the New Boy been dating?
KL: Two months or so, but I’m ending it.
Belle: Why? I thought things were going so well.
KL: Umm, not to overshare, but he’s a Ripper.
Belle: Like the serial killer?
KL: No, moron (she didn’t actually call me that, but it was implied). The gets overly excited during foreplay and starts ripping my clothes off of me, ripper.
Belle: Wait, wait, wait. He actually rips the clothes? Like tears them… Or is he just removing them in a violent manner?
KL: No, he rips them. Two cocktail dresses and four blouses, so far. The plum Matthew Williamson dress that I wore to Sinatra Soiree is completely destroyed and I’m heartsick about it.
Belle: (laughing) Have you talked to New Boy about this? I mean, maybe he could replace the items or at least stop doing it?
KL: Yeah, we talked. He said it was beyond his control, that when he’s in the moment he’s just not thinking clearly. He thought that I should be flattered that he is so into me.
He also mentioned three times that no other women had ever complained about it, and then told me that they were just a couple of dresses.
Belle: (chortling) And your response?
KL: That my dresses cost as much as the payment on his car.
I also pointed out that his longest relationship lasted for four months, and suggested that maybe he had burned through so many girlfriends because once they ran out of clothes the relationship had to end.
To say that I was angry about his indifference would be putting it mildly, which is why it’s over tonight at dinner.
My alterations guy will be sad, I think I put one of his daughters through college this month, but I think this is a deal breaker.
Belle: (chokes on frittata while laughing uncontrollably)
I thought men only ripped clothes in bad romance novels. And while I can see how some women might think this is hot, I would probably freak out at the sound of the tearing thereby completely ruining the moment.
So what do you ladies think?