During long recesses, staffers get into the habit of wearing casual clothes (jeans, khakis, etc.) instead of the typical Hill uniform. And being free from suits, ties and high heels for such a lengthy sartorial vacation, makes it difficult to get back into the swing of things when the session starts up again. Perhaps this why I’ve seen so many fashion faux pas over the last few days.
On that note, here is a brief list of fashion misdemeanors and felonies that I have witnessed during the last 24-48 hours. The guilty parties know who they are.
X Marks the Spot. When you buy skirts and dresses from the store, you may notice a small thread-X holding the back vents and pleats together. This X is there to help the skirt/dress hold its shape during shipping and serves no stylistic function. So if you bought a new item of clothing, simply snip the threads and remove the X before you wear it out of the house.
You Nailed It. There is nothing like the sound of exposed high-heel nails on marble to make the hair on the back of your neck stand straight up. This grating, metallic noise is the workplace equivalent of nails on a chalkboard. So if you’ve notice a high-pitched *ting* when you walk, it’s time to find a cobbler and get new heel taps. They will cost $15 at the Cannon Cobbler’s Bench.
Stars and Stripes. If you are pear-shaped, you should not wear stripes on your lower half. It doesn’t matter if they are vertical, horizontal, or chevron, stripes will only emphasize the disparity between your bust size and the width of your hips. The only (I repeat, only) exception to this rule would be a pencil thin pinstripe. Other than that, stripes just look bad.
Wet ‘N Wild. Why women come to work with wet hair is a mystery to me. Always has been, always will be. I know that we’re all in a rush (esp. the Moms amongst us), but showing up with drippy locks just screams, “I was too lazy to use a blow-dryer.” It’s not very professional, and very few people look good with air-dried hair. If you really don’t have time to dry it, simply twist it into a bun or twist to hide the dampness.
A Wedge Issue. Yes, there is such a thing as professional looking wedges. But said wedges do not have cork, espadrille or clear plastic bottoms. Please stop wearing these to work with other professional attire. They are for barbecues, brunches and August recess (except for the clear plastic ones, those are never okay).
Close Shave. Male staffers take a loose approach to shaving during the recess. I don’t agree, but I understand the argument, so whether you choose not to shave during the recess is your business. But once recess is over, you better break out that razor because the mangy, four-day beard doesn’t look good on anyone except Brad Pitt. And you sir, are no Brad Pitt.