Saw It On Social: Arrae

We, the middle-aged, perimenopausal women of America, are bombarded with wellness content. On social. In magazines. In email newsletters. And they’re all trying to sell us our youth back.

Here’s a powder you can mix into your coffee that will make your skin glow like when you were 25.

Here’s a pill that will increase your energy so you won’t drag like a teenager on her way to a 4:00AM flight.

How about a drink that will give you the feeling of euphoria? It’s made with “mushrooms” and other “natural” ingredients, so it must be better and safer than alcohol, right?

And what about gummies, do you like gummy candy? Well, get ready to gummy your way to healing all of the problems that ail you. Sure, these rainbow-colored products cost more per month than all of your streaming services combined. They say you can’t put a price on health, but boy, did Arrae take a good shot at it.

Multiple influencers, dozens of ads, and a targeted mention in two different Substack newsletters convinced me to try Arrae. I’m on a GLP-1, so I take creatine for muscle protection. I also was interested in an anti-bloat product because, did I mention that I’m a perimenopausal woman, so I bought both.

A one month supply of the Bloat gummies was $55. And the Tone gummies, containing the very 90s-coded Slimbiotics, was also $55.

I’m going to cut straight to the chase, both of these products were grainy, rubbery and tasted like something you drink before a colonoscopy. I felt like Alice in Wonderland but instead of “eat me” and “drink me” the bottle should say, “try not to vomit.”

The face I made while chewing the Tone gummies in sour watermelon, which so many influencers assured me were “absolutely delicious,” was so tortured that my toddler shouted, “Mommy, drink something it’ll get rid of the taste.”

But she was wrong. Water was no help. Apple juice was no help. Vodka, straight vodka, was the only thing that cleansed the grainy paste from my tongue.

$110 a month is too much money to choke down three to six gummies per day that taste like the old candy left in the crystal dish on grandma’s cocktail table. $110 per month might be too much to pay even if they worked and tasted good.

Bottom Line. If an influencer tells you they enjoyed the Arrae experience, lies. It’s all lies. Maybe the product works, but I would have to get past the taste to find out. And that’s not going to happen.

I will just keep buying my flavor-free Thorne creatine and wearing the Spanx underwear with the front panel. Life is too short, and the journey for wellness doesn’t need to be anymore fraught. Or expensive.

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