The Edition: No. 221

Apr 20, 2021

Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes. // Oscar Wilde

+ How to be a person who has their life together. (It’s a start.)

+ This dalmatian-print shirtdress for <$40 is perfection.

+ The future of high heels looks wobbly at best post-pandemic.

+ Get your spring whites at Express. This crochet lace top is so gorgeous.

+ Could this be the future of work for women?

+ Major sale on plus-size clothing at Eloquii.  This fab dress is 50% off code MAJOR.

+ How to get better at posing for photos thanks to TikTok.

+ Easy Outfit: Midi Jersey Dress, Denim Jacket, and Sandals.

+ Yes, the font you’re using on your resume matters.

+ H&M Home is ready for spring.  This neutral, tasseled throw is ????.

+ Lemony Roasted Broccoli and Arugula Salad.

+ This floral dress in pale yellow is giving major late-90s vibes (in a good way).

+ It’s time for women to break-up with ‘pathological politeness.’

+ North Face released a new version of my favorite shorts for hiking, biking, etc.. Don’t miss them.

Long Read. How did Vincent van Gogh change from a destitute, unknown artist into a celebrated genius?  Unsurprisingly, an unsung woman made that happen.

I’m just going to leave that right there.

{this post contains affiliate links that may generate commission for the author}

Workday Reading

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  1. Kathryn W says:

    Was anyone else shook by the pathological politeness piece?

    • E says:

      Definitely interesting, but I wish there was more acknowledgement that it isn’t as simple as women stopping choosing to be polite. There are many situations where women are polite in order to preserve their safety (we’ve all had those encounters with creeps). And frankly, with respect to anti-maskers, I would be worried about the outcome if you weren’t polite–with reports of people intentionally coughing on those asking them to mask up, or even getting violent.

      I think I am just done reading articles of the Lean In style of telling women, be more like men, just don’t act like women anymore. But at the end of the day, the whole societal construct demands that we act like women, including being polite. We are often polite to preserve our safety.

      As a woman, I am just TIRED and frankly feeing really despondent that things are changing for the better for us. This is just another example of a situation in which there’s nothing we can do to win.

      • E says:

        From one “E” to another…thank you for your comment. I kind of had stomach-dropping “oof” while reading it because of so many of those truths about politeness and safety. Those are hard truths. Definitely a lot between this and the article to mull over!

      • Kate says:

        I agree with E. The tone of this article is infuriating – women have a ‘pathological problem’ and ‘people-pleasing preoccupation’. COME ON. All of this internalized self-blame for adaptive behavior to survive. No thanks.

  2. Jess says:

    I think there is a difference between being polite and standing up for ourselves. If someone wants to wear a mask, wear it, no apology needed. In fact, nothing really needs to be said about it. But I still think politeness needs to be taught. No one wants to interact with rude people. We can be/raise strong confident women who are polite, but I think the teaching needs to shift on how to be strong, not less polite. And part of that problem is we no longer know how to have conversations with people who disagree with us.

    • Nan says:

      Agreed! I think there’s a conversation to be had about our culture and civility as a whole. Why is it looked upon as a weakness to be polite in our society? These are the same people that veil aggression under the guise of assertiveness. I agree that being polite and respectful to all, regardless of gender is the real goal here.

      • E says:

        I guess, but I think you all kind of miss my point about it being necessary to be polite just to survive/be safe. THAT needs to change and to me, it is way more of a priority than people being able to disagree civilly.

        • Naomi says:

          Right. This, as usual, focuses the attention on women’s behavior and asks women to adapt to the bad behavior of others. How about other people show some respect? In the context of masking- wear a mask. Give some personal space. Don’t make rude comments. It’s not hard!

    • WCEC says:

      Your point (and I fully agree) isn’t necessarily inconsistent with parts of the article. The focus was on “pathological” or “compulsive” or “paralytic” politeness–a self-destructive kind of politeness.

      Totally also agree with E’s point, which also isn’t necessarily inconsistent with the article and was even slightly alluded to–that compulsive politeness of the mask wearers wanting to protect themselves (“The compulsion to be polite extends even to those voluntarily putting themselves in harm’s way.”) If the author explored E’s point even a bit here, yeah, it could have been more interesting–we’re in a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation.

      That said, the article did have a didactic, reductionist, “stop being polite!” sort of tone but it’s an article, probably online only, in Elle. I doubt the editors would have gone for a more nuanced piece without a bite-sized advice nugget.

  3. Argie says:

    The “future of work for women” article should be “future of work for mothers”, right?

    I get that the one of the biggest issues in the workplace for women is balancing work, parenthood, and home-life issues. And my understanding is that the job losses in the pandemic have been a combination of certain industries being affected (ie, hospitality, childcare centers) as well as women-as-parents needing to take a step back to help with virtual learning for stay-at-home kids.

    But, as a single women, I’m getting really tired of the conflation of women/mothers. Every article that talks about women in the workplace is usually just talking about mothers in the workplace. Which doesn’t help to reframe the issue as a parental issue (mothers and father) and just reinforces the idea that this is still a “women’s” problem (I acknowledge that it currently is), and that the disparities related to parenthood and the resulting work-life balance are the only issues that women face. And maybe it is, and I have nothing to worry about. But we are still failing to name the problem correctly.

    • Belle says:

      You’re right that it should be the future of work for parents (or caregivers), in an ideal world.

      The issue is we know that the reality is parent in most cases = moms. So do we change the narrative before the narrative has actually changed? It’s like when I hear Fortune 50 companies talking about parental leave for Dads when only 14% of women in America have maternity leave. They have mat-leave, so they assume every one does and they push the ball forward to the next thing, and that allows companies without to maintain a fiction that maternity leave is common.

    • E says:

      Couldn’t agree more! Also, I have to disagree with Belle here. I think having paternity leave will help move the ball forward by ideally pushing men into more of a caregiver role, and thus, taking the gendering out of that kind of caregiver work. Plus, without paternity leave, gay men are left completely out of the parenting sphere.

      • Jess says:

        I know this is going to make me sound so naive, but it has never crossed my mind before your comment that gay couples may not get parental leave for their children.

        And I agree with you in that paternity leave is hopefully pushing men into that caregiver role.

  4. JamiE says:

    My latest amazing midi dress find is the Lexi dress from Marine Layer. Lined, worth every penny.

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