The Weekly Edit: Another Day, Another Donut

Aug 1, 2018

This week has been about faking it til you make it.  I don’t feel much better, but that doesn’t mean life stops.  There are dogs to walk, blog posts to write, laundry to do, etc..  So I’ve been trying to focus on the small things that make life a bit happier.

I love donuts.  I know, most people “love” donuts.  But for me, it is a lifelong obsession that started at a Denver Winchell’s before I was tall enough to see over the counter.  So this Etsy doormat suits me perfectly.

In case you’re wondering, the best donut in America is the peanut butter and blackberry jam donut at Doughnut Plant in New York City.  Want to make donuts at home?  You can read this incredibly detailed Food52 post…or, you can buy a tube of Pillsbury dough, cut it into donut shapes, and fry it yourself.

For a slightly healthier fry, several of my friends are obsessed with their “air fryers,” but Kyle and I agreed such a device is too dangerous to have at home.  So I can’t comment on the efficacy of a device that claims to make everything from onion rings to egg rolls without the usual oily mess.

As I’ve mentioned before, my weight has gone up since graduating from law school.  One of the side effects is that my breasts have grown almost two sizes.  This is like getting a new car for your 16th birthday, and then finding out it’s because your parents are getting a divorce.  Plus, I know they’ll be the first thing that goes away when I lose this weight.

My favorite bras are the ThirdLove Classic T-shirt Bra and the Gramercy Balconette from True and Co.  Neither of these bras is cheap.  I am not replacing all of these 32Cs and 34Bs (different styles fit differently, I am a different size in each) with 34Cs and 36Bs.  Not doing it, no ma’am.

Instead, I’m stealing a trick from my pregnant friends: these $6 bra extenders.  A little more band room to keep your over the shoulder, boulder holder from feeling like a rock crushing machine.

Earlier this week, we were discussing on the FitClub message board how recipes with substitutions make us feel vengeful.  But since cauliflower rice is so popular, I’ve been trying to eat it in place of white rice (one of my favorite foods).  The only way to make that happen is to buy the Green Giant rice cauliflower and roast it.  This healthy looking roasted “rice” bowl from a House in the Hills is on my list for this week.

Why are women so hard on one another?  It’s one of life’s great questions.  This article, Motherhood in the Age of Fear, really stuck with me.

Mothers, raising their children the same way I was raised (and probably many of you were) are being punished and harassed.  Chrissy Teigen can’t post a photo of her infant son without people complaining that his head isn’t supported or that he looks too thin.  Mommy bloggers take endless hell for kids who look too clean or not clean enough, who eat too well, or eat too much junk, etc..  It’s just madness.

When I discussed it with Kyle, he said something that was funny and tragic.  “[Men] don’t have to try to keep women down, you’re way better at keeping each other down than we will ever be.  We simply outsourced our work to someone who was better at it, who we could pay 20% less.”

Obviously, this is his tongue in cheek way of saying that women are too hard on each other.  But how sad is it that he’s right?

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  1. Monica T says:

    The sad part about the judgment is that it isolates mothers even more than they already are. They’re so afraid of being judged by their peers that they just keep away from each other as they struggle. And of course on the other end they form cliques of “like-minded” moms who can then judge en masse. I can see it when a mom tells me she home schools, or whatever other lifestyle choice she has made for her family, that she’s bracing herself for me to criticize said choice. If drastic polarization is the new normal I guess it’s no surprise parenting is the next battleground.

  2. Carolyn says:

    So much I agree with in this post.

    Donuts are the best. My husband is a pushover, so anytime I mention them, I know he’ll say yes (which means I have to be the adult in the donut relationship, but that’s ok).

    Bra extenders – YES. I am pregnant, and I already did buy one new round of bras (cup size went up), but now a few months later, my rib cage is expanding. Bought some of these two days ago, life changing.

    And finally, roasted is the only way to do cauli rice. Love it. Husband loves it. With any “healthy” substitutions, I like to just call it like it is…nothing replaces some good starchy white rice, but cauli rice is delicious way to eat veggies!

  3. Maddy says:

    On the subject of “that doesn’t mean life stops,” Lin Manuel Miranda posted this tweet this morning and it helped me take on the day:

    “Gmorning
    to the heaviness on your heart
    that will not budge
    and does not move:
    ‘Sup, heaviness
    We still got shit to do,
    So I guess you’re coming with us
    But we’re driving
    And WE get to DJ
    Now move over and make room”

  4. Jules says:

    I read the article about mothering in fear and I share your thoughts.
    There’s no real “answer,” but why did it become like this? Why/when did we become so…. vocal and active about our fear? And instead of introspecting our own fear, we lash out? Why is it such a battleground? What are we trying to gain?

    I’m sure social media exacerbated it, and I’m sure the political climate enhances it, but why is it like this? What can be done?
    I’m mid thirties, and want to start thinking about becoming a mother, but I just don’t know if I want to deal with all the crap (figuratively, literally)

  5. Christina says:

    Your Beaches reference made me smile. Cheers to keeping the big ones high and dry!

  6. Janine says:

    YES. I have said for a few years now (since I started to notice it everywhere) that women are each other’s harshest critics and that we would all do much better, socially, emotionally, and economically, if we supported each other. I find Kyle’s comment terribly cynical yet 100% true. I read an article that talked about how, in a low-support professional environment, women compete with one another for scarce accolades and promotions, and it occurred to me that we’ve probably been scrapping over bones in one form or another for centuries as low-status citizens. It’s the 21st century and we’re smarter than that. And thanks for all that you do to create a supportive space for women on Facebook, it’s a great resource and forum for discussion.

  7. Jules says:

    @JANINE – you reminded me of a quote I read. I didn’t put the two and two together, but it makes so much sense:
    “This world tricks so many women into lives they just don’t want. We’re taught to view marriage and careers and friendships and everything under the sun through a lens of scarcity, because in our world, women are beggars, not choosers.”

  8. Alison says:

    I have not had the donut you speak of (it does sound delicious), but I have to ask: do you know Peter Pan Donuts? It’s a tiny old-school Polish donut shop in Brooklyn and I am certain they make the best. Tina Fey’s response to discovering them: “if I had a penis, I would put it in this donut”. They are heavenly, and I wish I had one right now…

  9. Melissa says:

    Yusssss!!! I watched that movie in sixth grade, which was clearly fertile ground for boob songs because I can recite the whole thing by heart at 41. Good ol’ Otto Titsling

  10. Opal says:

    Oh, my, I had forgotten about Winchell’s Donut House. The donuts are in a class by themselves.

    The article about women constantly judging each other is spot on. When mothers are reported to child services for letting kids play in their own backyard we have lost all sense of risk and proportion. I remember being judged for breastfeeding my children, not going back to work, going back to work, etc. This was all from women my own age.

  11. Cee Cee from KY says:

    I make a cauli rice “risotto” that we love. First, I roast some fresh pressed garlic in a basil infused olive oil. I microwave the bag of frozen riced cauli (we’re not that fancy, and both work full time as attorneys, so I’m not trying to do extra work!), then add that into the pan and add some Italian herbs- oregano, etc. Then I’ll add some tomato paste or sauce (whatever I have on hand) and just stir until it absorbs- the key is giving the “rice” time to absorb the other flavors. I also do this with taco bowls- have to mix the cauli in with the meat and seasoning and let it simmer. Finally, I top it with some parm and fresh basil. It is seriously so good, and a great lower carb alternative.

  12. Colleen says:

    The judgement women give each other seems to come from insecurity. Society conditions women to be insecure. We’re not thin enough, not curvy enough, too indulgent, too self-sacrificing, too concerned about personal relationships, too concerned with our careers, too “into” motherhood, not into motherhood enough, etc. It’s incredibly difficult to tune out all the noise and figure out what’s best for us individually. It can feel like another woman is passing judgement when she makes a different choice than what I would make and it becomes far too easy to become overly defensive about my own choices in those circumstances. I think women every where would be better served by believing Amy Poehler’s “good for her, not for me” mantra and assuming that we’re all doing the best we can with the individual circumstances we’re facing.

  13. Kathleen H Lisson says:

    Maybe the next time someone asks me why I don’t have kids I’ll tell them it’s because of mommy judging. Just don’t want any part of it. And then switch the subject to how they are judged as a parent.

  14. Sade says:

    But the article wasn’t specifically about mums judging each other, it was all of society judging mothers, from police officers to random strangers. Thought it was interesting that the author didn’t mention risk of getting shot as a real risk – as an outsider looking in, it’s one of the most scary things about being a parent in the us. Not falling of a swing in a playground…

  15. Sarah says:

    Just as a counterpoint, I’ve encountered nothing but support from other women while being pregnant. It’s easy to focus on all the negative stories out there, but your actual lived experience may be much more positive.

  16. Meredith T says:

    For what it’s worth I literally laughed out loud at Kyle’s joke and it made my day. It’s the little things!

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