Ask the Edit: No. 46

Jun 29, 2018

“If you follow all the rules, you miss all the fun.” — Katharine Hepburn

Pricing Index. Why a wedding invitation should come with a price tag.

Working It. Did you know Zac Posen is the Creative Director at Brooks Brothers? This faux-wrap top would look awesome under a blazer.  I also like this floral print crepe top.

Motivating Factors. When ‘love what you do’ pushes women to quit their jobs.

High and Dry. I think I finally found a natural deodorant strong enough to work in summer.

Tools of the Trade. How smart homes are turning into high-tech tools for domestic abuse and harassment.

High Stepping. Need comfortable, chic summer shoes? Check out these Franco Sarto Rosalina heeled sandals and these Cavallari snakeskin mule sandals.

Come Together. Tips for leading a meeting without talking too much.

Helping Out. This collapsible recycle bag is perfect for separating cans and bottles at parties.

It’s a Beaut. The best beauty and skincare tips gleaned from a prolific beauty writer.

Rising Above. Imposter syndrome is real; here’s how to beat it.

Delta Blues. Need a denim jacket?  Try this white, eyelet option from Anthro or this Gap Icon denim jacket. Plus-size? Try Old Navy.

The Singularity. Living alone and loving it. (How I miss living alone.)

One of the things I miss most about D.C. is the Stoli Dolis at Capital Grille.  My friends J and K would sit in the bar, eat cheeseburgers, sip cocktails and talk shop for hours.  And if I can’t bring my friends to Spokane, I can at least drink our favorite drink.

Stoli Dolis are made with pineapple infused vodka that they make on the premises.  And thanks to this recipe, you can make them at home.  All it takes is Tito’s, sliced, fresh pineapple, a large glass vessel from Sur La Table, and 10 days of your time.

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  1. Anna says:

    Oof, $24 for deodorant is steep! I really like Native deodorant ($12 each when not on sale). Awesome scents that don’t smell chemically at all, and it’s lasted all day for me, though I do reapply before going to the gym after work. Lately I’ve been using Arm & Hammer Essentials to save some pennies, and it also works well, though the smell is more like regular deodorants (haven’t tried the unscented one). It is relatively clear though, unlike Native.

  2. Cait says:

    The anecdote at the end of the LWYD piece stuck with me- the one about the woman who didn’t go into an industry because she loved it, but ended up loving it because she was good at it.
    I’ve found that to be true in my life so far. There are things that I truly love, but I’m simply not good at them. When I’ve tried paths that have me doing those things every day, I haven’t been happy. On the contrary, there are things that I feel very blah about, but I’m good at them. When I started pursuing those things more, I was overall much happier.
    For me, I think it’s about acknowledging that I frequently assume that things I’m good at are easy, so no one will care if I can do them. The truth is that they aren’t easy, they’re just easy for me. Once I started valuing the things I found easier (but didn’t outright “love” as much as others) I found a career path that was worth sticking around for.

  3. Beth says:

    Wedding invite price tags would be so incredibly helpful. I love my friends and I’m always happy to celebrate when I can, but very few of us have unlimited finances for these things.

    Also, I’ve already decided that I personally want the town hall + backyard reception wedding. And not the faux-rustic backyard kind, the actual backyard kind. Fancy dress optional.

    • Belle says:

      I think a lot of women are becoming more cognizant of cost for weddings, at least woman over a certain age. Many of my friends have had much smaller destination weddings or done very simple, inexpensive weddings.

  4. Kim says:

    Ah! I used to live in DC and miss Capital Grille too. And I love the impostor syndrome item!

    Kim .. How to deal with gaining weight!

  5. pOMPOM says:

    The best news is this: Capital Grille is a chain 9(I promise this is good news), so you can get your stoli doli on 25 states, the D of C, and two locations in Mex!

    I, too, adore the stoli doli.

  6. Kel says:

    I’m in the midst of a career transition right now and found the Atlantic piece really interesting. One resource I’ve discovered as I figure out what I want to do next is Clarity on Fire (, created by two millennial women. They make the point that passion and career intersect differently for different people, and that by understanding that, you can more easily figure out your direction.

  7. Monica T says:

    Smart home occupant here, and that article is spot on. Installed and maintained by my husband, it’s kind of like an “I just live here” feeling. I have on one or two occasions been on the receiving end of a changed door code where I slept a few hours in my car before I got in with my 5 year-olds code and a camera that is supposed to be off when we are home panning towards where I was working in the kitchen. These are mild occurrences I’m sure, but the wake up call was clear to me. I am not the master of my home, and at any time it can be turned against me. I hope the law catches up with the technology soon.

  8. CJ says:

    To Monica – I don’t think that’s mild, that is disturbing. Trust your gut, do and seek what you need to be safe, healthy and happy.

  9. Anne says:

    Regarding wedding price tags, one of the things the article doesn’t take into account is how mobile we all are now. For example, wedding this spring: bride is from Arizona and groom is from Vermont. They met at school in LA but now live in San Francisco. Most of their friends are from school, although there are some hometown friends. Friends now live and go to grad school in NY, DC, Chicago, Denver, Seattle, SF and Djibouti. Family lives up and down the Eastern Seaboard, Chicago and Pacific Northwest. Any location is a destination wedding. They chose Arizona as it’s the realitively cheapest location for a wedding, and the family paid for the bridal party’s rooms. But there are very few folks today who grow up, go to school and get married in one location. You can have a backyard wedding, but it’s still going to be expensive for guests.

  10. Jhk says:

    Lume is the best natural deodorant I’ve found. It works wonders to prevent my boob area funk on a sweaty day. I put it on my stomach, back, in between & under my boobs. When I get home & take off my bra, I’m not punched in the face by BO. I can actually wear my bra a 2nd day.

    Some women can use it to stop BO that develops where your hair grows in your groin (not vagina or vulva – since odor there means an infection like BV). I personally get more discharge if I use it between my legs. Somehow, it makes its way inside my vagina.

    I’m using various facial acids & urea on my underarms, groin, etc & am slowly noticing less odor too. So, maybe it’s a dead skin buildup issue. Anyhow, none of the natural deodorants work for my underarms. I’m so happy to find one that works for my body.

  11. Beth says:

    @Anne really great point, I hadn’t thought of it like that but you’re absolutely right. Most of us have friends scattered across multiple geographic locations. My idea of a “backyard reception” is something low-key in the city me and my partner live in now (DC).

    I think what’s still bothersome to many women is the obligation to attend every wedding, regardless of cost/perceived cost, and that we are being selfish if we decide to prioritize financial stability over wedding attendance. Obviously, as Belle points out, the truly considerate friends either try to make it easier and less expensive for their guests to attend, or aren’t upset if someone can’t attend due to the cost of travel, accommodation, etc.

  12. J says:

    For what it’s worth, I’ve become what I consider fairly picky about attending out-of-state weddings and haven’t had any issues with people getting upset. We live in DC with most of our friends and family either in the Midwest or on the West Coast, and we don’t attend a lot of the weddings we get invited to. Essentially, if it’s not family or if one of us isn’t in it, we typically don’t go. We also often go solo for ones where we aren’t particularly close to the relative in question. Perhaps my social group is an anomaly, but everyone has always been completely understanding of this and I’ve never felt pressure, guilt, or regret.

  13. Kellie says:

    Hi, I’ve never commented before but I have a recommendation for a natural deoderant you might be interested in. I’ve worn a prescription-strength deoderant for years (I live in the sweaty south), and I ordered “Crystal’s Mineral Deoderant Stick unscented” on Amazon and it is amazing! The reviews speak for themselves. Worth a shot!

  14. Lady of Mystery says:

    I’m really struggling with the wedding/price tag thing. My SO and I were invited to a destination wedding at a resort. We already went to a similar (literally, the same chain) resort with this friend to celebrate their milestone birthday, and I simply can’t stomach another major trip while also paying DC rent and trying to plan our own future. SO is attending the (international!) bachelorette party as what feels like a sort of consolation, but we we’re causing a rift by skipping the wedding, which feels so unfair. Choosing a destination that’s cheaper for the bridal couple just means passing the cost on their guests, with no consideration for anyone else’s finances.

    • Belle says:

      It is so unfair sometimes. I have been to so many destination and out of town weddings, and it gets so expensive. I think some couples think about it and try to be understanding (having a local party/reception instead of a huge wedding, having a less expensive hotel room bloc, etc.), but I was invited to one two years ago, woof. 5-star resort, events we had to pay for (golf, hiking tour), $800 airline tickets due to peak season, and for me a $600 bridesmaid dress…I just told the bride no. We’re not as close as we were, and it’s too bad, but I just couldn’t spend $4,000 to attend a wedding in the same summer I was graduating law school, attending my brother’s wedding, and buying a home. Sometimes you just have to say no.

      I think the rule should be, have the wedding you want, be considerate where you can, but understand that driving up the cost might force a few loved ones to bow out, and be okay with that.

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