The Ten: December 2, 2016

Dec 2, 2016



1) An oldie, but such a goodie: 21 things hiring managers wish you knew. (Yahoo)

2) These gold, tassel flats from Sole Society are perfect for casual holiday parties, or just for fun.

3) Four steps for beating burnout (so important this holiday season). (HBR)

4) I’m not doing a beauty gift guide, but if I were: this Bite Beauty set, and this Ole Henriksen set would be tops.

5) From cat photos to stardom: Confessions of an ‘Instagram Influencer’. (Bloomberg)

6) Going to a mild climate for the holidays?  This chic side-tie, jersey dress and this ruched tee dress are perfect.

7) Ways you’re sabotaging yourself at work without realizing it. (The Zoe Report)

8) Need cute pajamas for Xmas morning?  Try these Kate Spade flannel pjs or these uber soft Barefoot Dreams pants.

9) How couples handle money, real stories about when the finances of two become one. (Bloomberg)

10) This tie-sleeve Banana Republic sweater is gorgeous.  These ivory, tie-front trousers are also chic.

Bonus) You don’t change anyone’s mind by labeling them.  Why persuasion is better than stigmatizing the other side, and why we can’t sit out difficult debates and expect lasting solutions to follow. (The Atlantic; The Washington Post)

*image found here.

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  1. Christina says:

    I think the grammar in your “Bonus” section is incorrect. It says “[w]hy persuasion are better than stigmatizing the other side, and why we can’t sit out difficult debates and expect lasting solutions to follow.” I believe that “are” should be “is”.

  2. LHW says:

    I love the side tie dress! I am headed to Argentina after Christmas and it will be perfect.

  3. Mary says:

    I appreciate The Atlantic article on stigma and persuasion. I have been disturbed during the entire election season and post-election by the inability for people to have a discussion about thoughts and ideas and concerns that doesn’t involve stigmatizing and name calling. No matter who is in office, the majority of influence happens in everyday conversations and actions of millions of individuals across the country. We give up our voice when we jump to names and labels and accusations.

    The Washington Post article also had a lot of good points, but the writer lost me when he practically concluded with “because Trump won the election, we have to change the way we try to change people’s minds.” I think his points would be more effective if they were encouraged regardless of who is in office because they are good practice. There is a tendency for people to feel like they can get away with more obnoxious behavior if they feel like they have a loud voice standing up for/with them (such as President), but I think that attitude helps explain how Trump won the Republication nomination and the presidency.

    We have to learn, as a nation, how to actually talk to each other, to engage in a dialogue – where there are two sides being discussed and considered – instead of talking at or about each other, if we want things to improve.

    • Belle says:

      I think he mentions a few times that the way they were trying to change minds simply wasn’t working. My reading of it is that he feels like Trump being in office is the catalyst for understanding that it wasn’t working, and people need to change.

      I can’t tell you how shocked I am by the number of Insta followers and blog readers who have emailed me since the election to say that they will never read here again because I’m a Republican. I don’t understand that thinking, at all. You can’t even read a blog you admit you enjoy because a centrist Republican (or any stripe of Republican) writes it?

      One woman said she felt dirty knowing she’d ever clicked a link and put money in my pocket. I just don’t understand it. I assume that most of the bloggers I read are Democrats. Since the election some of them have said some really hateful things about my party, but I try to remember that most of them don’t know any Republicans their age, and are judging my beliefs based on what they perceive them to be, instead of what they are. I get that people are angry, they don’t like Trump and thought this was in the bag, so it’s a double shock. I think that’s why the WaPo article struck such a chord. People are so comfortable nowadays with throwing a label on someone and saying, “Look, I win this argument because you’re a racist/homophobe/Republican!” And they don’t bother to ask, boy I wonder if she actually believes in X? Or why do you believe in X?

      It’s been really hurtful the last few weeks to read the daily email or six that come in. The things I’ve been accused of, and I’m like, yeah that’s not me at all. But you didn’t bother to ask, you just put a label on me, applied what you already believe about that label and walked away. I don’t like losing readers because of something as fluid as party affiliation. If I was an axe murderer, or I started a cult, I’d understand. But half the country are Republicans, so you’re just going to stop associating with everyone you don’t agree with?

      • Mary says:

        I understand what you’re saying about the WaPo article highlights. On another fashion blog I read (I’m sure you can guess which one), there has been some discussion by some in the comments about not wanting to read your blog because of your political affiliations. I can respect someone who says, “I don’t agree, so I’m not going to read it,” even though I might not share that sentiment, if they do so without criticizing the people who think differently. Some of the public comments have been pretty awful, and I always cringe when I see them because I find you to be refreshingly transparent but not pushy in any way. As a society, we have lost the ability to appreciate people’s talents (in this case, your fashion picks and wit) because of the tendency to label and stigmatize.

        To answer your last question, sadly, a lot of them are going to stop associating with everyone they don’t agree with. And if that attitude continues, this country will continue to become even more deeply divided, with more polarization on both ends of the spectrum. And that will be because of the people themselves, not because of Trump. Our government has checks and balances built in for a reason. But we also can’t be relying on government to fix everything or be the ultimate answer. As individuals, we don’t have the power to effect wide scale social change, but we do have the power to find common ground where we can work WITH people who don’t think exactly the way we do instead of making it as a battle AGAINST each other.

        • Belle says:

          I appreciate that. I’ve seen some of the comments, even without seeking them out. If someone just wants to stop reading, for whatever reason, that’s their right. It makes me sad, but I can’t stop them. I think what’s so sad, is how vanilla so many blogs have become as their writers seek to become as inoffensive (unoffensive?) as possible to attract the most readers. And others have become just a harbor for like-mindedness.

          I’m not going to hide who I am, or lie, or pander, or quiver in shame because I am a labeled by certain titles. I’m a moderate Republican, I’m a person who cares about diversity, who cares about intelligent debate, and who cares about feminism. When my friends who are Muslim, minorities, LGBTQ, and progressive liberals tell me they’re afraid, I tell them that I will be standing between them and whatever might come their way as a result of this presidency because keeping that promise is all I can do. I’m just going to have to recognize that who I actually am, and what my actual beliefs are won’t matter to some people. The letter after my name, and their perception of what that represents based on a minority of conservatives who are (sadly) very vocal, is all that will matter. And that’s tremendously sad, and doesn’t bode well for the future. But I’m determined not to let it harden me, or marginalize me, because that’s how a lot of the people in the “movement” toward Trump ended up there.

        • W says:

          Belle, your party basically threw away every shred of integrity it had over the last campaign. As a black person, there were things said which demeaned me and my community as a human being in addition to anything simply ‘political.’ Also the policy of complete obstruction the Republicans relied on during the Obama presidency before the Trump campaign was shameful. The refusal to seat a new supreme court justice was especially egregious.

          Yet somehow, when Democrats are appalled and angered by this behavior, and say so, Republicans consider it beyond the pale. We can’t describe the world as it exists because to do so would ‘drive away’ half the country. If half the country believes its ok to have such a horrible and inexperienced person ad their nominee, believes its a-OK to basically break the government for political points and also screams about being hated or ‘labeled’ if you try to discuss either of the previous two points then there can be no dialogue. The only language your party seems to want to speak is capitulation.

          I’m not going to stop reading your blog because it’s great and you seem like an OK person, but you are extremely naive if you honestly think your affiliation with the Republican party should have zero social consequences after what they have done.

          • Belle says:

            Most of what you’re angry about, I am upset about as well. I felt, and most of my friends felt the same way since July that Democrats feel now. We spent the time asking ourselves how this happened, being worried about the fact that it happened, unsure about the future, and deeply unhappy about what this says about our party/country.

            It is not naive to hope that people will judge your political beliefs based on your individual beliefs and not solely on the label after your name. We only have two parties in this country, I fit slightly better into one than the other. Though there are many things on the party platform I don’t agree with. I also believe that change from the inside is easier than change from the outside. And I’m encouraged by how many of my younger GOP friends saw through his BS and found him offensive, and scared how many older GOP voters, Independents and working class voters didn’t take his statements seriously and voted with their anger. I now have to fight within my own party against people who believe things I find abhorrent, and it’s exhausting. But for someone to decide that the only way they can distance themselves from the Trump presidency is to separate themselves from every Republican friend, family member, acquaintance, business colleague, and blogger they know is bankrupt logic.

            You said it perfectly at the end of your comment, I and other moderate GOPers are being punished for “what they have done.” Punished for the party leadership’s refusal to come out hard against him because they didn’t believe he was a threat, punished for the too-crowded primary, punished for the millions of voters who stayed home in the primary, punished for the unpopularity of HRC and the feelings of Sanders voters who never got on board because they felt the Dem process isn’t as democratic as it should be, punished for the media who put him on TV every time he sneezed, punished for all the people who took principled stands and voted for Johnson, Stein and other 3rd parties, punished for all the Indys and Dems who stayed home on election day, punished for all the choices and actions of political leaders of both parties that brought us to a moment where people vote with anger instead of with logic. That seems totally fair to punish me for all of that. Because my individual actions: flying across the country to campaign for another, giving money to other primary candidates, voting for someone else, opposing him for two years, campaigning against him, forever ruining my chances of getting another job with the GOP by giving money to HRC, publicly supporting HRC, and then driving six hours to vote for her because it was too late to get an absentee ballot shouldn’t be what matters when my political beliefs are appraised, just the letter after my name. I am utterly naive to think I shouldn’t be labeled as an appeaser and cast from the lives of all who have Ds after their name, even though many of them did much less to see him defeated, because I won’t abandon the fight for the soul of my party and surrender it to the Tea Party, the xenophobics, and those who would use it to justify their anger and hate.

            To all the Democrats who don’t want to read a fashion blog written by a Republican, let me say this, I and other anti-Trump Republicans are not your enemies. And if you can’t see us as allies, how do we improve the situation we’re in now? Isn’t this election proof that neither the non-Trump GOP nor the Dems can do it alone? For the next two years, we’re really going to need each other. Inflicting your “social consequences” will do little to stem the tide that Trump has wrought, but working together, holding the center, and fighting against the beliefs and ideas we all oppose is how we get through this. Or you can just ostracize us and pretend you can fight him alone, which is the more naive strategy?

      • Anna says:

        I think in this election, emotions are especially high, and a lot of people feel that while many Republicans say they didn’t support *everything* Trump stood for, by voting for him, or basically doing anything but voting for HRC, they were okay with the racism, misogyny, and bullying that came out of Trump and his campaign, and they find that despicable. Not saying that makes it ok to paint all Republicans with the same brush, just explaining the thinking.

        That said, spewing hate at someone just because they believe something different from you, isn’t ok. You’re a fashion blogger and you rarely mention politics on your blog. What political party you’re affiliated with has absolutely no bearing on your ability to create a good blog, and unless I see that you’re donating your profits from this blog to an organization I have serious issues with (which you very well may be, considering we’re probably political opposites, but I have no proof, and the charities you do promote, I respect) or that through this blog you somehow become a figurehead for a cause I am morally opposed to, there is absolutely no reason to stop reading and clicking.

        Most of the Republicans I know are pretty moderate and I’m a pretty moderate Dem, so we have a lot in common, but I constantly have an internal debate about hiding my cousin and his wife on my newsfeed. They frequently post pro-Trump, anti-Obama, anti-immigrant stuff that is just plain nasty, and I find it infuriating and hypocritical considering he is the son of immigrants (Cuban, and we benefit from pretty much the most lax immigration laws), she is a Canadian immigrant, and they went to Canada to have their kids to take advantage of the free healthcare. It mostly frustrates me, because it just feels like a slap in the face to me, our family, and our heritage. But so far, I’ve chosen to not hide them because it is important to see and try to understand how and why people think differently. It does me no good to be in my liberal bubble.

        Seriously, alienating people who we perceive as having different beliefs is what put us Democrats here in the first place. If a billionaire, born into wealth, who has a record of taking advantage of his workers is able to relate better to working class Americans, we have serious issues with how we talk to voters and get our message across.

      • heatherskib says:

        I’m sorry that people are being like this… Especially since you made it really clear earlier in the season that you were not a Trump supporter. And during that episode everyone on the right was threatening to quit you. Unfortunately the danger of any business or personality making politics known is that you may be boycotted because of it.
        I’m the only liberal (pretty Centrist myself) in my family and I have several Republican friends. I will admit to having to block and avoid some people during and since the election. I tried to limit it to the really racist ones and blocking obviously fake “news sources.” I did stop following a website that was formerly about self acceptance and inclusion… until the owner went on a rant about how she will stand for the rights of murdered babies.
        There’s nothing like the taste of bile in your throat while someone you know is a good person (albeit a single issue voter) is hollering about how “Trump won, all the babies are safe!” or “Trump won, my guns are safe!” while I watch and listen to news about Trump still discussing requiring registration of Muslims post election. I won’t deny I had to step away from facebook for a few days to let the worst of it simmer down.
        Compounding this is the fact that many Trump supporters have been completely unwilling to hear/see any of the nastiness that he represents. I can show videos of him spewing hate speech, but to them it’s “media bias.” I had family threaten to disown me because I keep bringing up these problems- and they weren’t even the racist family members.
        Ultimately many minorities and Dems are feeling unheard. They’re in shock, and in fear for the wellbeing of those that they care about. They’re indiscriminately turning away from anyone that could have helped turn the tide. Whether or not you supported our current President Elect, you are caught up in it at the moment just by the virtue of being Republican.

        • Belle says:

          I don’t blame any of my Democrat friends for being upset. I don’t blame them for being afraid. I didn’t do enough talking to my GOP friends who were pro-Trump, because I bought into the media-fed lie that this thing was in the bag. While I understand blocking people who are actually making statements that upset you when they do it from fake news sites and without anything but declarative statements, I don’t understand blocking someone in anticipation of an event that hasn’t happened.
          I think a lot of the emails I’ve gotten have really fed into my belief that over the past decade we’ve decided that GOP or Dem is more than just a tacit affiliation. I know almost no one from either party who believes ardently in the entire platform. Yet, the letter after your name is identified with the worst of both parties. Why not judge the person based on their actual beliefs, and you actual interactions, than on perceived possibilities?
          I’ve had to unfollow my fair share of relatives, too. But I unfollow them based on their statements, their unwillingness to debate, and their hostility and on occasion, sadly, their racism. I didn’t just go blocking people I thought might, one day, upset me.

          • Jenn S. says:

            I had a comment written yesterday that poofed when my browser crashed, but you touched on my thought: “Why not judge the person based on their actual beliefs, and you actual interactions, than on perceived possibilities?”

            When did we start labeling people monsters because of the letter after their name?

            If a person doesn’t wish to read, fine, don’t – but there’s no need to be hostile about it. There’s so much hostility abound as is. Find some joy in your life, people.

            There are a lot of supportive comments on this post, but I imagine many ugly ones in your inbox. I, for one, view The Work Edit as a pleasant, constructive place to visit to escape those sorts of things. Without your content, it would have taken me many more years to figure out sensible, stylish professional dress.

  4. M says:

    I agree with the need to engage in dialogue, but I for one need to take a break after the ugly rhetoric of the election. This hit home for me though: “The insularity and biases at work here are a significant reason that the academy, and growing parts of the press who mistake its subculture for conventional wisdom, are increasingly unable to reach anyone that doesn’t share an educational background many intellectuals now think of as normal but that is, in fact, unusual even among college students in the U.S., never mind the rest of the world.” It’s amazing to me that in an unbelievably interconnected world, I live in a bubble. Eye-opening.

    • Belle says:

      Totally understandable. I didn’t watch CNN for days, which for me is basically years. I don’t think people need to go out searching for debate, if you know a diverse group of ppl, you’ll find opportunities in normal conversation.

  5. Monica T says:

    I think that no one likes to be boiled down to one group membership and labelled as such without taking in to account that we are all whole people, complex people. I’m sorry internet strangers thought they knew enough about you to say terrible things, and felt righteous in that act.

    I found this article on compassion: with the section on finding commonalities being especially helpful for me.

    It’s difficult, when I see the articles about white supremacists, and students chanting about building a wall in lunch rooms, and children in tears afraid of what is going to happen to them. But I try to remember this for them too.
    “With your attention geared to the other person, tell yourself:
    Step 1: “Just like me, this person is seeking happiness in his/her life.”
    Step 2: “Just like me, this person is trying to avoid suffering in his/her life.”
    Step 3: “Just like me, this person has known sadness, loneliness and despair.”
    Step 4: “Just like me, this person is seeking to fill his/her needs.”
    Step 5: “Just like me, this person is learning about life.””

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