Golden Globes 2014: Wrapping Up the Worst of It
Jan 13, 2014
What a weird night! None of the winners had prepared remarks, because when you have a 1 in five chance of winning something, why bother to scribble down a few thank yous? Brooklyn 99 and American Hustle both beat out the competition, though I don’t know how. I mean, I knew that you could bribe the Hollywood Foreign Press Association into nominating you (ahem, Hayden Panettiere, The Tourist, etc.), but I didn’t realize that they also sold wins.
In addition to the show’s hijinks, from a drunk Diddy to Alex Ebert’s not-so-manly updo, there was a lot of strangeness on the red carpet as well. Oddities and fashion faux pas of all sorts, committed by both men and women, so let’s take a moment to wrap up the worst of it.
The Speaker John Boehner Lifetime Achievement Award, honoring the Best Performance by an Actor in Bronzer, goes to…
Modern Family co-stars Sarah Hyland (23 in Georges Hobeika) and Ariel Winter (15 in Mikael D) decided to go all Freaky Friday and switch gowns for the night.
If Tinkerbell attended the Neverland retirement home’s spring formal, this is what she would wear. Zooey looks completely washed out in skeins of boring beige, and slouching certainly isn’t helping her pull of this look.
Can’t find a dress to suit your petite frame? Just take a pair of scissors to a gown from last year and make it look like a prom dress from Dillard’s. And don’t forget to slick your hair back like an extra from a 90s music video.
It hurts me to put her on my worst-dressed list, but JLaw looked like someone wrapped electrical tape around a bridal store mannequin. Looking at the jewelry, her stylist seemed to be going for an art deco theme but fell short by a mile.
I do congratulate her on her award, however. She was so good in American Hustle, she almost made the movie watchable…almost.
As my friend Barb Martin put it, this bib necklace is “90% bib, 10% necklace.” All it’s missing is the phrase “Grandma Loves Me.” (And on a related note, maybe Vergara could try a dress style besides sweetheart strapless. You know, for variety’s sake.)
Paula’s wearing this dress in support of her next film, “When Toilet Paper Attacks!”. As Washingtonian editor Kate Bennett pointed out on Twitter, some looks are best left to the runway models, mere mortals cannot pull them off.
While I dig the oxblood tuxedo, I have to ask: What’s up with the brooch?
Zoe Bartlett won a Golden Globe! Why she did it dressed in this emo-goth get up that shows more leg than a burlesque dancer is beyond me. I also spent the entire evening wanting to assault her with a hair brush.
But the award for the Worst Dressed of the Night was a tie between…
These dresses are so hideous that I almost find myself at a loss for words.
Zoe’s known for taking fashion risks, but this dress is like jumping into the lion’s pen at the zoo on a dare. The variation in texture isn’t so much a mix, as it is a jumble. It’s a strange patchwork of satin, lace, sheer and sequins that overwhelms and disappoints.
As for Heidi, she apparently decided to channel Bo Derek circa 1979 with a feathered hairstyle and a dress that could charitably be described as boho-chic-sans-chic. And don’t even get me started on the hippy-dippy lariat.
So who were your worst dressed of the night? I heard a lot of complaints about Emma Watson and her inability to conjure up a decent dress, and many people felt that Lena Dunham‘s canary-yellow dress hit a sour note. Who were your most-disappointing?