In 2008, Steve Madden began selling the greatest ballet flat known to womankind. Simple, elegant and blissfully free of medallions, baubles and insignias, the Koobaa slip on was a fabulous shoe. Women stopped me in airports, shopping centers and during Capitol tours just to ask who made my flats. They were that awesome.
Once I realized that I’d found the Holy Grail of footwear, I bought four pairs of gold flats and wore them into the ground over the course of the next three years. When my last pair blew a gasket in late 2011, I discovered that Steve Madden was no longer making my beloved flats. Instead, he replaced them with some glitter-covered usurper. I mourned for weeks, and then I got proactive.
I scanned eBay religiously to no avail. I called the Steve Madden corporate headquarters, no luck. I tried on dozens of pairs of look-a-like flats but found them all lacking. In my grief, I briefly flirted with the idea of switching to the Tory Burch Reva, but even if I could get past the gigantic medallion on the front advertising her brand (which I couldn’t) the elastic in the back pinched my heel something fierce.
But then, just when I was about to give up hope and go back to wearing heels, like a beacon from the heavens they appeared (cue the angels and divine illumination):
Aren’t they dreamy? The supple leather, the rounded toe, the lack of any unecessary accoutrements. Why, yes, these are the perfect flats.
To restock my wardrobe, I intend to buy five pair of the leopard, five pair of the black patent, ten pair of the nude and 25 pair of the gold. If only they sold a red pair, I’d be done with shoe shopping until I was 91.
Unlike my waistline, my shoe size will never change, and a simple pair of ballet flats is always in style. So while I may not have the means to buy the 45 pairs of shoes that would see me through until 2073, I will be buying at least a few pair, paycheck permitting.
Some people hoard food in preparation for the apocalypse, I hoard shoes. Because once you find the perfect pair of metallic ballet flats, you’ll wear them with everything. Now, I wonder if Nine West will lower the price if I intend to buy in bulk…