Happy Hour: Shutdown Countdown
Apr 8, 2011
By the power vested in my Boss by the House Committee on Administration, I have been deemed essential. This means that if the government shuts down, I work, but I don’t get paid. Some people think that this is better than being non-essential (no work, no pay)–at least your Boss is telling you that you matter–but I suppose that depends on your perspective.
Since there is a small chance that none of us will be getting paid for awhile, we need to be hoarding cash like Paris Hilton collects dogs. (With feverish compulsion, and no regard for anyone else.) So most of our potential-shutdown furlough will be spent at home.
Thus, I hereby give you permission to embrace the Snuggie. How you comfort yourself in these trying times is no one’s business but yours, Snuggie til your heart’s content.
I do not give you permission to wear Uggs or flip-flops to work. It’s a shutdown, not the apocalypse.
And since we’re embracing fiscal responsibility, I will be trading in my champagne of choice (Piper Heidsick) for something in the two-buck-chuck range. If you prefer beer, may I suggest Pabst Blue Ribbon?
Should any snotty private sector employee give you guff about your choice of liquid solace, you just tell him that this beer won the nation’s most prestigious beer award. No need to mention that that was in 1893. It’s blue ribbon-quality, says so on the label.
But seriously folks, I don’t know what happens at midnight. I do know that whatever happens, we rise and fall together, “essential” or not. Politics aside, all the Hill staffers and Fed employees are in the same boat.