Mother Nature Brrrings It On

Nov 18, 2010

On Saturday, I will wing my way home to the Wild Wild West for a some quality time with the family.  I was really looking forward to my post-Election/pre-Lame Duck respite, until I talked to my father.

Dad: It’s going to be below zero for most of next week.  Welcome home!

Belle: Below zero?!? You do realize that I do not have clothes for this.  I don’t even own a pair of pants.  What in the name of Jack Freakin’ Frost am I suppose to wear?

Perhaps, if I wear every item of clothing that I own at one time, I might be able to keep my core temperature above 47 degrees.  Which, incidentally, was the low temperature in D.C. today.

Dad: Don’t worry, I still have the Banana Coat.  It will keep you toasty warm.

Belle:  You’re not helping.  Unless of course, you also have a mask that I can wear.  We’ll just think of it as the fashion victim witness protection program.

Dad:  I don’t know what you’re talking about, it’s a beautiful coat.  I can’t help it that you have no taste.

Yes, a highlighter yellow ski coat is the epitome of style.  Forget the fact that it makes me look like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man joined the Ukrainian bobsled team.  After all, belted peplums are all the rage for pear shaped girls like me. 

My Dad has purposely held on to this monstrosity for 12 years (!!!) awaiting the sub-zero temperatures that would force me to wear it.  But since I don’t want to freeze to death, I’ll be happy to set aside my self-respect aside and become a gigantic hypocrite.  Perhaps, you can pick up a pair of black Uggs, a yellow Vera Bradley bag and an Ed Hardy tee shirt to go with it?

The shame…it burns.

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  1. H says:

    Wearing a combination of the most terrible pieces of clothing my parents have kept for the last 20 years is a bit of a competition between my sister and I when we are home. I won last year making an entire outfit out of layers upon layers of polartec fleece complete with socks and hat. (not worn outside obvs)

  2. Meg says:

    Didn't you write about the banana coat last year???

  3. CRP says:

    Too funny! This post brightened my afternoon. Oh the silly styles that are worn by those in deep suburbia…

    Enjoy your break at home!

  4. Belle says:

    Meg, I did write about it last year. Like a scary movie villain, it came back to life for a sequel.

  5. TEM says:

    Oh my god–I had a coat almost exactly like that in high school (in South-freaking-Dakota). My mother still wears it, and offers it to me every time I go to visit in December–and I always refuse! I'll stick to my nice black wool coat no matter how cold it gets! 🙂

  6. Jennelle says:

    I'm glad that someone else thinks that Uggs and Vera Bradley bags are as heinous as I do. It's especially nice to hear someone say it out loud, too. Sometimes I feel like I'm surrounded. 🙂

  7. Katie says:

    This is why I insisted on a black and white ski parka. As much as I wanted a bright teal or hot pink one at the time, the thought of wearing it during Christmas break at home years from now was frightening.

    Too bad setting it aflame would only keep you temporarily toasty…

  8. I love that it has a name! I once wore my mother's horrible black tennis shoes while visiting and my sister-in-law asked me if everything was OK with me, because I seemed really down based on my choice of fashion. Very amusing.

  9. Rachel says:

    This looks like a Columbia coat..sadly I still have my own shameful yellow/navy blue Columbia coat combination. It's leftover from my Montana high school days.

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