Last night, I was examining the 2011 Helmut Lang Lookbook with a group of friends (five strong, four women, one man), when Paul* remarked that the bag’s outside pockets looked like an intimate part of the female anatomy. The four women all leaned in for a closer inspection. Stunned silence filled the room, as we alternately stared, gasped and then looked away in shame.
Once the initial shock abated, we all agreed that the revelation made us unable to even consider buying one of the tote bags. Because much like a Rohrshach blot, once you see the image, it’s all that you can see.
Also, how did no one on the design team make the connection? Because if a 34-year-old gay man noticed, I don’t know how no one at Helmut Lang did.
The good news is that the bag’s yonic nature is less noticeable in the other colors. (Would you call this shade taupe or camel (toe)?) The clutches also appear to be anatomy free.
And while some of you may think that this is childish (and you’re not entirely wrong), imagine how you would feel if you strolled into a group gathering at a local bar and set your purse down on the table only to have the cute lobbyist from New Hampshire tell you, and the rest of the crowd, that your bag is XXX rated. Definitely a nightmare scenario that is best avoided.
And besides, I still haven’t found a gynecologist that I like. I don’t need to be worried about finding one for my handbag as well.
*Name changed to protect the not-so-innocent.