Faux Pas: Valise with a Capital V

Oct 13, 2010

Last night, I was examining the 2011 Helmut Lang Lookbook with a group of friends (five strong, four women, one man), when Paul* remarked that the bag’s outside pockets looked like an intimate part of the female anatomy.  The four women all leaned in for a closer inspection.  Stunned silence filled the room, as we alternately stared, gasped and then looked away in shame.

Once the initial shock abated, we all agreed that the revelation made us unable to even consider buying one of the tote bags.  Because much like a Rohrshach blot, once you see the image, it’s all that you can see. 

Also, how did no one on the design team make the connection?  Because if a 34-year-old gay man noticed, I don’t know how no one at Helmut Lang did.

The good news is that the bag’s yonic nature is less noticeable in the other colors. (Would you call this shade taupe or camel (toe)?)  The clutches also appear to be anatomy free. 

And while some of you may think that this is childish (and you’re not entirely wrong), imagine how you would feel if you strolled into a group gathering at a local bar and set your purse down on the table only to have the cute lobbyist from New Hampshire tell you, and the rest of the crowd, that your bag is XXX rated.  Definitely a nightmare scenario that is best avoided.  

And besides, I still haven’t found a gynecologist that I like. I don’t need to be worried about finding one for my handbag as well.

*Name changed to protect the not-so-innocent.

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  1. Ashley says:

    I must say, when I saw this post the first thing I thought of was “WTF! Um, those pockets look like…”

  2. Belle says:

    Lou, I stole your comment for the post. Thanks for the joke!

  3. gingerr says:

    Opps – once you mention that it's all you see.

  4. Ashley says:

    I must say, when I saw this post the first thing I thought of was “WTF! Um, those pockets look like…”

  5. Belle says:

    Lou, I stole your comment for the post. Thanks for the joke!

  6. gingerr says:

    Opps – once you mention that it's all you see.

  7. Allison says:

    Oh. wow.

  8. jessie says:

    Hysterical and true. You can't make this stuff up!!!! Insightful post.

  9. Lou says:

    You would be forever known as the girl with not one, but two, camel toes. <wiping away tears> I crack myself up.

  10. Jen says:

    Maybe they did notice and it's just part of the design. I can't find it now but I saw an article recently that featured multiple pictures of fashion designs (mostly walking down the runway) which contained phallic prints or patterns.

  11. Ashley says:

    I must say, when I saw this post the first thing I thought of was “WTF! Um, those pockets look like…”

  12. Belle says:

    Lou, I stole your comment for the post. Thanks for the joke!

  13. gingerr says:

    Opps – once you mention that it's all you see.

  14. Trang says:

    Lovely….must have been on a bender when they designed this one!

  15. K says:

    It's so true. That's the first thing I noticed before I even read the post.

  16. Kristen says:

    Wow. I don't think I could own that bag.

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