Last January, the creators of Juicy Couture, purveyors of terry cloth sweat suits, announced that they would be leaving the brand.  I hoped beyond hope that this meant the end of their reign of terror, but alas, it did not. 

This weekend, ShopBop began selling their newest creations under the brand name: Bird.  And the clothes are as terrible and unfathomably expensive as I expected them to be.  Come join me as we gasp in horror at both the designs and the price points.

In keeping with the name of their new line, the Levy and Taylor have applied what can only be described as tush plumage, to several of their pieces.  While I’m sure that they think this makes your every day sweatshirt dainty and feminine, all it really does is add volume to your backside.  It may also be effectively in attracting a mate, but I’ll need to consult an ornithologist on that one. 

Did I also mention that this sweat shirt will set you back $298? 

While this cable knit shrug sure looks cozy, is there anything that could make you pay $398 for it?  After all, it’s not even cashmere.

When I first spotted these pants on the ShopBop site, I laughed out loud.  A cross between Urkel from Family Matters and a 1920s newsboy, these pants are sure to please those women who are looking to add volume to their hips while exposing their ankles.  And there’s nothing like a faux suspender to make a woman look pulled together. 

These cringe-worthy pants can be had for the low-low price of $448. 

On the whole, the Bird line is a schizophrenic fashion nightmare that bounces from suspender capris to military jackets to striped t-shirts and back again without so much as a pause.  The price points are not only unrealistic, they’re downright insulting.  But then again, what would you expect from the women who brought you the $200 leisure suit?