Long time CHS readers know of my terribly un-Christian feelings toward blogger Julia Allison.  For those of you just joining us, and those of you lucky enough not to know who Ms. Allison is, allow me to give you the Cliff’s Notes version.

Name: Julia Allison aka Julia Baugher.

Location: The Land of Cupcakes, Tutus and Sparkle Ponies by way of NYC, Chicago, LA and Washington, D.C.

Occupation: Internet fameball who pens a blog chronicling her emotional breakdowns, bad relationships, and love of cupcakes.  She is an expert in self-promotion, which is incredible considering what she is promoting.

Previous Occupation(s): Former writer, former dating columnist for AM New York, former dating columnist for Time Out New York, former talking head for Star magazine, and former Hill Staffer.  (That’s right people, she used to be one of us.)

Claims to Fame: She once dated almost-NY Senate candidate, and former Congressman Harold Ford Jr.  This and a brief stint as a legislative correspondent make her an expert on politics.  At least, that’s the impression that she seems to be under.

Allison is infamous for allegedly lying about being a Washington Post reporter to get out of paying for an $8 grapefruit at a posh hotel, allegedly changing her name to avoid being linked to a college plagiarism scandal, and allegedly sending in a tip to the NY Post exposing the marital troubles of her neighbor, Rosie O’Donnell.  Allegedly.

She is also infamous for her love of cupcakes, telling Gawker that her ex-boyfriend suffers from bipolar disorder and then asking said ex to buy her a MacBook Air, and massively over-sharing on her blog, Twitter and Facebook accounts.  Perhaps this is why she formerly hosted a show called TMI Weekly.

Sure, there’s plenty more Internet infamy that I could mention. But Gawker and Reblogging Non Society expertly chronicle the exploits of the upper class, caucasian Tila Tequila, so there’s no need to go into the gory details here.  If you prefer to read the story, complete with the details summarized above,  by way of a reputable media outlet, her MediaBistro profile and her Wired article pretty much cover it.

Some of you are probably wondering how a New York City blogger ended up a semi-regular feature on this little, one-horse fashion blog.  Well, it all started with one really terrible outfit that combined two of Belle’s most-hated faux pas: Moon Boots and velour track suits.

Don’t adjust your computer screen the outfit really is that ugly, but it was nothing compared to some of the fashions *cough* that followed.

There was the Elvira, Queen of the Grammercy Park Bordello, evening look:

The satin mini-skirt, leg warmers and high heels at the beach look:

Or the no one at NY Fashion Week will notice my hideous, heart printed, Forever 21 sweater if I carry a Chanel purse and bring a dog to the tents look:

I could go on, but really, how much bad fashion can one post hold?  Besides, the folks over at RBNS will be happy to provide you with a more in-depth analysis if you’re looking to permanently damage your retinas and/or make yourself feel really good about your own wardrobe.

So, why are we discussing Julia Allison today?  Because the Oxygen network has picked up a new fashion-reality show and they have enlisted Allison as one of their style experts.  That’s right.  An almost-30-year-old woman who dresses in Catholic school girl uniforms, who loves nothing more than an extra slutty Halloween costume, and who thinks that clip-in hair extensions are a good idea is a “fashion expert.”

There are no words (only mumbled curses, screaming obscenities and the shallow gasps of your editrix as she hyperventilates).  Jealous?  A little.  Furious?  A lot.  Why?

Because no matter what the Oxygen Network says, Allison is not a style expert.  And contrary to her description in the press release, she’s not even a fashion blogger. Yet, she has a television show where she will be dressed by a professional stylist, in a wardrobe provided by famous designers, and then haughtily dole out style advice to women who will probably be guilty of the same sartorial sins that she commits on a daily basis.

(Bang Head Here.)

Between this and the fact that Lindsay Lohan designed a collection for Ungaro, I feel hopeless. Three posts per day for the past eighteen months and what was it all for?  Despite my best efforts, it might be time to hang up my stilettos and break out a pair of Uggs, because this is indeed a cruel, cruel world.

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Obviously, I know that Julia Allison getting a job as a soon-to-be-former fashion expert is not the end of the world.  After all, there are real problems like poverty, homelessness, the economic downturn and two wars to think about. (This is why I work for Congress and blog on the side.)  But finding out that a living, breathing CHS Faux Pas could get a job giving fashion advice to others proves that there really is nothing good on TV.