Faux Pas: Kharmic Retribution


On Wednesday, I entered the House cafeteria in search of a quick bite in between meetings.  As is usually the case during the springtime, the cafeteria was packed full of staffers, constituents and Close Up kids all fighting for a spot in the cashier line.  After dishing up some sinfully delicious mac and cheese, I managed to work my way through the gauntlet toward the cash register.  

That’s when the fun started.

As I waited in line, a visitor, lobbying for a well known pro-Israel group, swung her Vera Bradley tote over her shoulder striking me in the side of the head.  That’s right, the woman hit me in the head with her paisley printed nightmare of a bag virtually assaulting me with her tackiness.  I was aghast.

As I stood silently wondering if I might seriously be injured (I think the woman may have been hiding a cinder block in her purse), it dawned on me that this was, without a doubt, the most ironic situation that I had ever been apart of in my life.  It was like the bag knew of my deep, abiding hatred for Vera Bradley and swung wide just to bitch slap me in retribution.  

In fact, the woman hit me so hard that for a moment, I wondered if I hadn’t been too hard on the garish bags.  Perhaps, I needed to take another look to ensure that I hadn’t pre-judged a trend that on second look, I might find truly stylish (ie. Gladiator sandals).  That was when I realized that I was clearly suffering from a Traumatic Brain Injury and needed to consult a physician.  

Concussion averted, I am now back to my normal snarky self complete with a nausea-inducing dislike for Vera Bradley.  

And so, I pledge to you, my dear readers, that I will never surrender in the fight against this gauche Midwestern fashion staple.  Because, like in politics, it’s when your opponent starts attacking you that you know you’re making an impact.  I will simply need to be more vigilant in the future.

P.S. The photo above is basically my worst nightmare come to life.  Also, I guarantee that the model is wearing Uggs.  


    leave a comment

  1. E says:

    HAAAA!!!! Brilliant!!!!!! I couldn’t agree with you anymore on how horrible looking Vera Bradley patterns are!!!!

    March 26, 2010/Reply
  2. Maggie says:

    This sounds exactly like something that would happen to me. Karma’s a bitch, but I think Vera Bradley probably is too.

    March 26, 2010/Reply
  3. Anna says:

    Hillarious! Keep up the good fight

    March 27, 2010/Reply
  4. Fasshonaburu says:

    Vera Bradley is the bane of my existence, why does everyone in DC insist carrying these hideous bags?

    March 29, 2010/Reply
  5. Run4lyfe says:

    What do you hate about the Vera Bradley bags so much? The print? That’s it looks like a quilt? I have the small duffle bag and it is perfect for traveling on the LIRR and Jersey Transit. Perfect size and since it’s “smooshy” and soft it’s great to lean against on the train. Or do you not like Vera Bradley and Uggs because they have become really popular and you don’t want to jump on the band wagon and like them too? I love my Uggs, but yes, some people wear them badly, such as with leggings when they clearly should not be wearing leggings with a short shirt, or when they are covered in salt. But I look cute in them and also when I sport my Vera messenger bag to and from class or my duffle on commutes so i’m gonna keep rockin’ it : )

    April 9, 2010/Reply