The Edition: No. 314
Mar 8, 2022
We must reject not only the stereotypes that others have of us but also those that we have of ourselves. // Shirley Chisholm
+ Stop notifications from taking over your life.
+ This <$50 bright, spring dress is pure sunshine (tall/petite).
+ How to de-bloat/de-puff your face.
+ T Tahari has great work basics. This great black top costs less than dinner.
+ The advice you need before you quit your job.
+ I finally found knitted flats for under-$20. They’re awesome.
+ Why does no one question giving children their father’s name?
+ Sonia Kashuk’s makeup brushes are Sephora quality, Target priced.
+ The Cost of Oversharing with Your Boss.
+ My favorite dry shampoo, and its drugstore dupe.
+ Freezer-meal care packages for friends in need of rest.
+ This wedding keepsake box is a great gift for a bride.
+ Stop asking women about work-life balance.
+ The Outnet has great dresses for summer weddings.
+ How to mix and match a business suit.
+ Favorite Daughter is the stop for modern work pieces. This bodysuit is fab.
Fun Read. ‘My name is Miranda Priestly; I’m looking for a terrible assistant.’
I’m just going to leave this drawing from Liz and Mollie right here. Pick it up if you need it.
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One of my biggest regrets is not giving my son my last name. I made the decision at the time because it was too cumbersome (not three names generally, but the particular three names he’d have, and I was dead set on his first name). But it still really irks me that passing on the father’s name is just assumed, and the mother’s name is something extra.
For me the reason I gave my sons my husband’s last name was because his family would have hated me if I hadn’t. They were already not happy that I was keeping my name, and you have to pick your battles. But I did give my first son my dad’s and grandpa’s middle name, and I even got some guff for that. “Don’t you know first born sons are supposed to have their father’s middle name” or some such nonsense. But I have great respect for people who figure out some sort of compromise about their kids’ last names.
I’ll preface my comment with clarity that I’m glad you did what’s right for you to maintain peace and harmony with the extended family.
But the idea that someone’s in-laws have a stake in their name or that of the children they have with their partner is completely stunning to me! It’s YOUR (singular) name, they’re YOUR (plural, with your partner) children. It is frustrating to see that these relatives think they are entitled to a say in any of it.
My bias is that I’m not close with my own extended family and my spouse is not close with his so it is, “easy,” for me to have a, “LOL F THAT, if they think they have a say they can take a hike,” attitude about it because I’m not super invested in those relationships.
My son has my husband’s last name, as do I.
It was generally an easy choice for me. While I am proud of my maiden name and my family’s history, my own last name is a foreign word that is THISCLOSE to a very obscene English word. It was always cumbersome to have this last name. While I miss that part of my identity, my husband’s super-bland last name has made my life a bit easier.
I gave my kids a hyphenated last name, with my husband and I each keeping our own. I have a hyphenated name myself, and frankly, these days the “admin challenges” are just… not that big of a deal. The name doesn’t flow perfectly, and there will certainly be times that it’s inconvenient to have a longer name, but frankly none of that was more important to me than my kids also having my name. My husband’s family is important, but so is mine. His connection to his kids is important, but so is mine. Not to mention I also did the work to carry and deliver them!
FYI, the link for the wedding keepsake box goes to Anthropologie’s Rita Seamless Lace Hipster Briefs
🙂 Love the Blog!
I gave my children hyphenated last names 31 and 36 years ago, respectively. We lived in a pretty traditional, conservative suburb, and it was a recurring issue when transmitting the name, but never a big deal to them. By high school, their friends often told then they had the coolest last name. And in a funny twist, my son’s wife chose to take his hyphenated last name.
My sons have my last name as their middle name. Most people assume they have two last names (my middle name, dad’s last name), and address their mail that way, which I think is sweet.
It wasn’t a hill I wanted to die on – I have a stepson and it felt right for all of the children to have the same last name. I’m the odd person out in my family which doesn’t bother me one bit.
Hi Abra! Congrats on your little one. Could you recommend some office-appropriate maternity wear? It seems like everything out there is either hideous or too casual.
Working on it. Stay tuned. Having to try some things first.
I am in my early 30s and have both my parents last names (with a hyphen). Neither changed their names or hyphenated. My mom’s family name has been passed down matrilineally before for some offbeat immigration related reasons, very different from the modern feminist reasons that I got hers – I am very happy to have it! I’ve heard lots of people without hyphenated names talk about theoretical inconveniences they think it would cause as reasons not to give them to their kids but honestly the most annoying thing I’ve experienced was having too many characters in my name to fit in the bubbles on the SAT.