The Edition: No. 313

Mar 1, 2022

Whatever you do in life, surround yourself with smart people who’ll argue with you. // John Wooden

+ Why women have to work harder to move up.

+ The most comfortable black heels ever for <$100.

+ The growing currency of the personal recommendation.

+ LOFT is killing it with this blazer and this cropped tweed jacket.

+ How the pandemic changed the bra (and my favorite wireless option – up to 44ddd.)

+ The perfect foundation for acne, scarring, rosacea, etc. comes in 40 shades.

+ The Five-Day Workweek is Dying.????

+ When you buy new Vuori leggings and wear almost nothing else.

+ Dessert Time: Coconut Banana Cream Pie Parfaits.

+ Florals for Spring. A smocked dress, a ruffled dress, and puff-sleeve dress (also in plus).

+ Does it matter what I look like when no one is watching?

+ I love a tab-front pant — these ones are professional and comfortable.

+ It’s time to embrace the power of a good cry.

+ Wolf & Badger has the best jewelry. These pave hoops are fabulous.

+ How to support a friend who is going through a rough patch.

+ For chic hidden storage try these rattan baskets or canvas boxes.

+ Why a new job always feels so awkward.

+ Am I actually buying a tie-dye sweatshirt? When it’s this cool.

Long Read. I loved London, so this look at the realtors who sell property in Mayfair was very entertaining (and made me wish I could have tea at Claridge’s).

An accurate representation of how I felt after my embryo transfer in December.

After a few years of trying, a lot of heartache, a fair number of hypodermic needles, much of our savings, and a ton of grey hairs, our baby is due in late summer.

Sadly, there’s a lot of pressure on pregnant women to have the perfect announcement, the best attitude, and just be generally over the moon.  But maybe we could try just letting women feel their feelings without the expectations?

This is a happy time, but it’s also a stressful one.  Every time I use the restroom, I say a silent prayer that there will be no blood.  Every pain equals a pause.  Every ultrasound I hold my breath until the tech confirms things are as they should be.  There is little rest for those to whom pregnancy didn’t come easy (and for some where it did).  It is possible to feel happy, grateful and terrified all at the same time.

For now, I’ll just take it one day at a time.  I’ll find out what fruit or vegetable our baby is the size of this week.  I’ll do things when I feel comfortable, and politely decline the pressure to pick nursery wallpaper, baby names, and even pre-schools.  And, hopefully, I’ll suss out some polite way to tell all the tertiary friends, distant relatives, and total strangers who are just bursting with advice to go f**k themselves.

Right now, I’m just trying to remember to take my pills, drink enough water, eat my vegetables, embrace my new body, and try to keep my stress level low.  And that’s plenty.

{this post contains affiliate links that may generate commission for the author}

Workday Reading

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  1. Sarah says:

    Congratulations! I bet many of us have wondered whether you guys had a successful IVF cycle (I’m not sure what the right words are here, but I think you get my message). I’m so happy for your family. Thank you for sharing your great news today!

  2. Clara says:

    Congratulations! I had a still birth with my first so I get the same way with my second. I didn’t believe it was going to be ok until I held her in my arms. So happy for you both!

  3. Stefanie S. says:


  4. Paula says:


  5. Jennifer says:

    Congratulations and good luck.

  6. Maura says:

    Congrats! Sending all positive thoughts, vibes, prayers, etc. your way throughout your pregnancy!

  7. Katie says:

    Congratulations! So happy for you, Kyle, and the puppies! I’ll be thinking of y’all throughout your journey!

  8. Kristen says:

    Absolutely thrilled for you! Hoping for a happy, healthy pregnancy for mama & baby <3

  9. E says:

    Congratulations! Wishing you all the best and a “boring” pregnancy, an adjective which my doctor recently bestowed upon me (at least, so far) at my last visit. I, too, found out I was pregnant in December after a (much more minimal) fertility intervention. I spent the first 10 weeks holding my breath and in a pretty deep anxiety spiral – almost everyone I know has had some sort of challenge, setback, or heartbreak in their journey to have children. 13 1/2 weeks now and I’ve half exhaled. Completely relate to the anxiety around going to the bathroom, questioning every twinge, and especially those stressful milliseconds as the fuzzy ultrasound screen comes to life and you get the reassurance of seeing the little bebe.

    On a lighter note, PLEASE do at least a few posts (totally understand if you don’t want to dominate content with maternity stuff) on maternity workwear – especially pieces that don’t break the bank. I’m struggling with whether to invest in things like Hatch, etc. for this (relatively) short timeframe vs. finding H&M, Zara, Target, etc. gems to get through. Esp would love any/all pregnancy jean recommendations – I’m on a hunt to *somehow* find a non-super-skinny jean with an appropriate inseam that doesn’t look like a capri legging on me (as they all seem to, so far). It seems like Madewell has phased out most of their maternity jeans, which is a bummer, because I LOVE their jeans in normal times.

    Congrats again!

    • Allison says:

      Random tip for you E, see if there is a mom facebook group in your area. Maternity clothes are by nature fast fashion, you just don’t need them for very long. Lots of women are eager to give them to someone who will use them. I gave all of mine away via my local facebook group and it was really rewarding to know that they get used, I didn’t just contribute to a landfill.

      • E says:

        So helpful, thank you! I just joined a local mother group here and will absolutely peruse the postings. Great tip!

    • AC says:

      Yes to the struggles with maternity jeans with a longer inseam!! Especially since most of my pregnancy will be in warmer months in DC, so it feels especially silly to invest in pants.

      So far, my best find has been renting the Paige high rise from RTR. They are on the skinny side, but I’ll take that over an ankle gap. Be warned, the other Paige maternity jeans they have that aren’t high rise but look identical except for a lighter color are actually ankle length, even though it says the inseam is the same as the pair that work for me (at 6 feet).

      • E says:

        SO helpful, thank you! I’ve eyed the Paige ones, but that intel re: the styles is invaluable. Also in DC and dreading spending the entirety of my third trimester in the peak swamp of July/August. Solidarity, ha!

    • Becky says:

      I’m 5’10” with a 32-33 in inseam and had good luck with Liverpool jeans. I see they are doing maternity jeans now but I just had the regular, elastic waistband ones pre-pregnancy and was able to get away with folding the waistband when I got big.

    • JanE says:

      I’m going through the quagmire of maternity clothes right now, and honestly, I feel like it’s a matter of choosing the best of the mediocre. I have the opposite problem (petite), but I think there is a balance to be had between not spending too much/killing the environment for things you’ll only wear for a few months but also being able to feel at your best during this time. I’ve bought a mix of new and also used on Poshmark. Particularly if you find a pair of jeans you like, you can buy a pair new and search Poshmark for another.

      Abra, congrats, and everything you’re feeling is very normal, at least in my experience the last six months. Welcome to the politely telling people to f off club! It gets easier with practice.

    • M says:

      Congratulations! I am thrilled for you. I’m a long time reader and I’m also about three months pregnant and I’m excited for any and all maternity clothing posts you choose to make. I would welcome those with open arms. I also understand the anxiety and looking for bleeding/signs every single day, having had two previous miscarriages. I have no magic solution to offer but your plan of just minding your business sounds as good as any. I am both scared and happy–it is possible. Thank you for sharing.

    • Michelle says:

      Congrats! As a fellow IVF alum, I understand the levels of anxiety all too well. Hoping you can create an environment around yourself that best benefits your mental health during these next several months!

      I second the request for maternity work clothes posts. Somehow, even though I’m pregnant with my fourth, I’m still struggling to get dressed for court. When you search for maternity work clothes on Hatch’s website, the offerings include white denim overalls. Not exactly court-appropriate attire! I feel like it’s gotten worse with the pandemic but I need to wear more than leggings and jersey jumpsuits while pregnant.

    • irmck says:

      Finding good maternity clothes has been so hard, and nursing friendly/ post-partum stuff isn’t much better. I’m also hoping Abra will do a few posts about this. I’m tired of paying high prices for scratchy, uncomfortable clothes. My body has been through so much in the last year, I just want to look nice while wearing soft things.

      And congrats to everyone experiencing pregnancy! May the next few months be extremely boring and calm!

    • CLSVA says:

      I swore by my maternity Joe’s Jeans. It was a few years ago, but they were amazing and actually made me feel pretty. 🙂

  10. Melanie says:

    So happy for you! I’ve been silently following along this blog for years now. best of luck in this new season of your life.

  11. SC says:

    Congratulations!! What wonderful news!! Sending you all the healthy pregnancy vibes! <3

  12. Rachel says:

    Congratgulations! I cried happy tears for you when I read The Last Word. Wishing you all the best!

  13. Lindsay says:

    Congrats!! That’s so exciting. It sounds like this has been a stressful process so I wish you the easiest pregnancy and delivery possible.

  14. Kat says:

    So exciting! Both of my kids were conceived via IVF so I completely relate to all the anxiety and exhaustion that came before even getting that glorious news. Wish you all the best. It’s an incredible journey!

  15. Catherine says:

    Congratulations. I know this is a scary and joyful time. You’re allowed to feel many things at once. Thinking of you.

  16. Lost says:

    I’m so happy for you! Congratulations! Best Wishes for a healthy pregnancy.

  17. Erica says:

    Congrats Abra – what a journey its been to follow along as you share your life from afar for the past 9 years (when I started following). Bravo to you continued vulnerability. The many peak and valley moments are relatable, and help me – and I’m sure others – feel less alone.

  18. Jessica says:

    Oh wow – what an amazing blessing for you and Kyle. Sending prayers for a healthy journey for all three of you!

  19. Sarah says:

    Best wishes! You’ve got this. A well pointed “bless your heart” should work just fine.

  20. Ashley says:

    The best news I’ve heard in a long time. Congrats congrats congrats and best wishes for a beautifully uneventful pregnancy and delivery.

  21. Becky says:

    Huge congrats from a long time reader!

  22. Monica says:

    CONGRATULATIONS!! Long time reader here wishing you all the good things.

  23. Naomi says:

    I just threw my arms up in a victory sign alone in my office as I read the news – I’m just so thrilled for you and your family. Thank you for giving us the privilege of being let into your life so that we can root for you- because I certainly have been! Congratulations on this wonderful, happy news.

  24. Sarah says:

    Very happy for you Abra. I wish you the best.

  25. Elle says:

    Congratulations! I’m so happy for you and wish you a smooth pregnancy!

  26. AJT says:

    Congratulations!!! What wonderful news! Thinking of you and wishing you all the best.

    Please ignore this unsolicited advice if not helpful, but I found these to be a gamechanger in discreetly dealing with unpleasant nausea at work. Look like candy or coughdrops so easy to stick in all your purses:

  27. Stephanie Benko says:

    I love your content! Congratulations and I wish you blessings upon blessings with this pregnancy.

  28. AShleigh says:

    Mazel tov! Wishing you an uneventful pregnancy.

  29. Nadine says:

    I’m so happy this is happening for you! For anyone else on their way through this journey, a friend of a friend just published a book about her experience:

  30. Lex says:

    Congrats! Having gone through IVF too, I am also still worried about every doc appointment, ultrasound, random pain, etc. It took me a long time to tell people because I just didn’t believe it myself and was scared to jinx it. Fingers crossed for the smoothest pregnancy!

  31. C_ann says:

    What wonderful news! So happy for you. ~from a long-time, faithful lurker;)

  32. Vicky says:

    CONGRATULATIONS! I’m one failed retrieval into IVF myself and feel like it is Sisyphean task. I’m so happy for you & Kyle! Thank you for being so open about your experience, it truly has helped a lot of your avid readers who are in similar situations.

  33. Colleen says:

    I’m so happy for you! Pregnancy after a journey , let’s say, to get to this point, is such a blend of joy and anxiety. When anxiety threatened to overshadow my joy, I’d tell myself, “As of right now, I am pregnant. I will choose joy in this moment.” It was SO hokey and I’m kind of embarrassed to admit it, but it did help.

    May your pregnancy be boring (as another commenter noted.

  34. Katherine says:


  35. Violet says:

    So happy for you. Congratulations! I’m 9 weeks with my first (and only) and struggling with anxiety and what appears to be depression for the first time in my life. I am told it is the hormones but it feels awful – and I say that with recognition that I am very lucky to not have experienced this before and feel guilty about feeling bad. If that makes sense.

    I’ve been a reader for about 8 years. I really enjoy your blog and your perspective. I am very happy for you and love the idea of a f&ck you club. I’m in. xo

  36. Hillary says:

    Congratulations! I relate to your experience and am praying for you and wishing you all the peace of mind that’s possible in this season.

  37. Angela says:

    Congratulations Abra! I have admired your ability to thoughtfully discuss a topic that is/can be so difficult for you and for many others. As others have said, we have been following your journey for some time and I am absolutely thrilled for you and Kyle. I wish you all the best in your pregnancy and your future.

  38. K says:

    Huge congratulations. I’ve been rooting for you guys and hoping for good news. I understand the terror, we’ve had a loss and haven’t conceived again yet. It often feels unfair that its so easy for some people and so hard for others. Wishing you an uneventful pregnancy.

  39. Elise says:

    As a long time reader, I’m thrilled for your happy baby news! Thank you for sharing that with us, and especially, thanks for keeping it real as you always do. Sending you all the best wishes and hope that there are some beautiful anxiety-free moments along the path.

  40. Lindsey says:

    I had to read that like 3 times to be sure – I’m really excited for you and Kyle. It’s wonderful news! Now go eat some ice cream – I recommend the mint oreo if you can find it, or the chocolate chip cookie ice cream sandwiches from Trader Joes 🙂

  41. PAW says:


  42. Christine S. says:

    Congratulations, what wonderful news!!! Wishing you a safe and healthy rest of your pregnancy. My best friend just had her embryo transferred last week and had a similar feeling to that comic. (But, so far so good!!)

    If you’re ever comfortable, would love a post or series about IVF and/or how to support your friends who are going through this. Or even just a list of all the things NOT to say. 🙂

  43. Orla Murphy says:

    Congratulations, Abra. Wishing you all the best on this journey.

  44. AB says:

    Congratulations, Abra!!!! I’ve been a reader for 10+ years, and am so happy and excited for you <3

  45. Carissa says:

    Congratulations! This is just delightful news, and I’m wishing you just a very, very boring pregnancy! And please keep honoring how you feel. Please.

    Read only if you can tolerate maternity fashion advice: I second the FB recommendation for lightly used maternity clothes, but also consignment. I had really good luck at kids’ consignment shops, which tend to always have a little section of consignment maternity. It was great for filling weird wardrobe holes for me. I was 8 months pregnant during January and NEEDED a warm coat, but did NOT want to spend $$ on a maternity coat (how silly). I found one in a consignment shop for $20!

  46. ariane buffum says:

    one day at a time! Im so excited for you both. Congratulations!!! thank you for sharing.

  47. Katie says:

    Congratulations!! So happy for you and Kyle and glad that you’re handling this exactly how you want to (there’s a lot of pressure!) I’m 20 weeks pregnant after a late miscarriage so I understand the cautious excitement around planning. Would love to hear your thoughts on/reviews of maternity clothes if you decide to share. I’ve felt lost knowing I couldn’t hop on here and find the perfect recommendation! All the best to you both, hope everything goes smoothly.

  48. Debbie says:

    I’m so very happy for you. Praying for a problem-free pregnancy and a healthy baby.

  49. CM says:

    I’m very, very happy for you!

  50. Meghan says:

    After a miscarriage, I refused to use our kiddo’s name until she was born. Even though we had one picked out, it felt like jinxing it to call her by her name until she was actually here. Screw everything else, and do what makes sense to you.

  51. CaitlYn says:

    Congratulations!! Wishing you a smooth rest of your pregnancy!!!

  52. MM says:

    Long-time reader absolutely thrilled for you and Kyle! Wishing you a healthy, uneventful pregnancy <3

  53. Vidya says:

    Congratulations! What a stylish baby this will be!

  54. MMC says:

    Congratulations and I’m sending you and your family lots of good thoughts!

  55. Astrid says:

    Aww, congratulations! Hope you have a very boring and uneventful pregnancy and a lovely healthy baby at the end of it all!

  56. Nancy says:

    Oh WOW, soooo happy for you, wonderful news!!!

  57. Kell says:

    Happy News!

  58. Jen says:

    Congrats, Abra!! Wishing you and Kyle all the best as your family grows! Take care of yourself!

  59. Nel says:

    As someone who has read your blog for 10+ years and followed your fertility journey, I gotta say this is the best weekly edition ever. HOF. Congratulations and keeping you in my thoughts. My hunch is everything feels fragile right now and that probably won’t change but I do hope that, in taking things a day at the time, you are able to experience a little joy and humor of the pregnancy miracle / total shit show. Or rather, the messy miracle of a woman’s superhuman body.

  60. Amy says:

    Thank you for sharing your wonderful news, and sending comforting vibes your way from NY. I am so happy for you! I went through infertility procedures unsuccessfully for years with a lot of ups and downs (we adopted 2- now teenagers), and boy do I appreciate the apprehension you feel around your announcement and pregnancy, thank you also for expressing that – it will help others. I wish you a peaceful (as much as possible!) pregnancy journey, with lots of support from friends and family.

  61. HH says:

    Congratulations to you and Kyle! Fellow IVF’er here, and I get what you’re saying. Here’s hoping for a “boring” pregnancy (as much as they ever are) and a healthy baby. Also, another vote for maternity outfits/style – if you’re willing/able to. A good friend is due around the same time as you, and she’d love recs.

  62. Abby says:

    Congratulations!! I have been reading for years. So happy for you.

  63. Mrs. Jones says:

    Congratulations and good luck!
    I’m wearing the Loft brushed blazer right now and love it.

  64. Elz says:

    Congratulations! I know this baby is very much wanted and I hope it is an uneventful pregnancy and mom and baby are healthy and happy throughout!

  65. Jessica says:

    CONGRATULATIONS. I am so so so happy for you both and wish you all the joy during this time–despite the stress and pressure. Thank you for sharing this with us and for you candor throughout the process. Sending all the love and support your way!

  66. E says:

    Congratulations! Wonderful news!

  67. Ruthy Sue says:

    Congratulations!! I felt similar uneasiness and worry with both my pregnancies – so i totally feel you! Move at your own pace and avoid the “glowing/baby joy” craziness as much as possible. Once i made it to the second trimester then i just felt weird about how much my body was changing and how i had no control. Pregnancy was generally weird and uncomfortable for me, as my husband said, “you were not a happy pregnant person”. Thank you for being honest that some of us don’t automatically glow with excitement! Hang in there, and get some Zella maternity leggings ASAP! One of my favorite parts to the day is reading your content 🙂

  68. Jenn S. says:

    Chiming in to echo the congratulatory and encouraging sentiments everyone has shared.

  69. Les says:

    So happy for you!

  70. CLSVA says:

    This is AMAZING news. Totally made my week, which has been rough. LOVE hearing good news. Breathe, listen to yourself and your body, and do what you want and need. Tell everyone else to stuff it.

    But congratulations, and sending you happy and comforting thoughts! 🙂

  71. Anna says:

    I just found out I’m expecting my first (having our first doctor’s appointment this week), and I relate to this post so hard. I’m in my late-mid-thirties, so I know it’s riskier. I’m convinced it’s too good to be true. I do the same thing every time I use the restroom. I question every twinge. I had two days without nausea and wished I was nauseous, because it was a reminder I was pregnant. I’m hoping things get better when we have our first ultrasound, but I doubt it. My fiancé wants to plan cute reveals for our families, but I’m afraid to plan anything too far ahead.

  72. Jules says:

    Congratulations!! (Your plan sounds excellent taking one day at a time. I understand the feeling of checking for blood every time you go to the bathroom. That anxiety took a while to go away even after the baby was born.)

  73. Lauren says:

    I realize I’ve been following you for many years- long before you even met your husband! It’s been a joy to learn about your milestones, especially knowing when they have been hard won. Wishing you all the best!

  74. Katie says:

    Congratulations!! So happy for you, but I understand the stress (IVF survivor here). Sending positive baby vibes your way.

  75. Lynn says:

    Abra, I’m absolutely thrilled for you and Kyle. I’ve been a reader forever and followed you from DC through law school to this beautiful moment. I loved being pregnant but it’s different for everyone. I hope yours is peaceful and happy.

  76. Selina says:

    Congratulations, Abra! Wonderful news.

  77. Alicia says:

    Ahh wonderful news. Sending love, prayers, and peace!!

  78. Mercedes says:

    Congratulations!!! So happy for you. Wishing you a healthy pregnancy and easy delivery. ????

  79. SG says:

    Congratulations, I’m so happy for you and your husband!

  80. Emily says:

    Congratulations! It’s a wild ride, but sounds like you’ve got the right attitude. Praying for you and your family.

  81. KC says:

    Another long time follower due in September here to say I am so happy and excited for you and totally feel your anxiety so much. I had a loss last fall and have been wondering for months when I’ll feel like I can breath again. Having anyone on this journey with me is so helpful and I’m here for anything that you feel comfortable sharing on the blog and IG!

  82. NMR says:

    Playing catchup. CHILLS. I am so happy for you.

  83. Emily says:

    So thrilled for you! I’m also currently pregnant after 5 years of infertility so I can empathize with your mixed bag of feelings! Thanks for sharing and share as much or as little of this exciting time in this space as you feel is best. But also, summer dresses are high on my list of needs so any and all clothes recs are wanted!

  84. Tif says:

    Best news of the week / month / year!! Congratulations to you and Kyle!

  85. ShannOn says:

    So many good wishes for you and Kyle. I recall being scared I wouldn’t have a real live baby in my arms up until the moment I gave birth. It’s terrifying and surreal and hopeful all at once. Best of luck!

  86. Sally says:

    Congratulations, Abra! I am happy for you and Kyle! Sending lots of good vibes your way.

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