The Edition: No. 285

Oct 12, 2021

Our deeds determine us, as much as we determine our deeds. // George Eliot

+ Practical frameworks for beating burnout.

+ This ruffle-neck cashmere sweater is so pretty.

+ What 100 calories of your favorite Halloween candy looks like.

+ Need comfortable pants, not leggings? Try these AT ankle pants and straight legs.

+ 14 Ways You Might Be Sabotaging Your Career Growth.

+ The ’90s Are Back’ Outfit: plaid jacket + waffle knit tee + ripped denim (This outfit can be real or a Halloween costume, dealer’s choice. I have no idea how the clothes I wore in junior high can be cool, but I am still uncool.)

+ The best beauty advice Allure editors have ever received.

+ This grey, leopard-print fleece sweater is about to get too much wear.

+ The Disease of Being Busy (a seven-year-old article, still on point today).

+ I have worn these slippers every day for seven years. That is not an exaggeration.

+ Ten reasons to pay attention to local politics.

+ A trash can designed to separate garbage from recyclables.

+ How to “describe yourself” in an interview setting.

+ These Advent Calendars from Missoma, Net-a-Porter Beauty, and Sugarfina would make a luxurious gift.

A Short Watch. We’ve had a lot of fun over at #MaskMondays.  Last night, I took a moment to address something that’s been on my mind.

Recently, I tried to apply makeup for an evening event for the first time in a long time, and it felt like nothing was working.  Applying makeup to aging and mature skin just isn’t the same as applying makeup to 30-year-old skin.  But this tutorial saved me.

To give this technique a try, you may need a few things you may not have: facial oil, blotting papers, a color corrector, a concealer brush and a fluffy brush, plus a setting powder and puff.

All of Kate Talbert’s tutorials are worth a look.  She calls them “Beauty Simplified,” and that characterization works.  I definitely followed her Instagram.

{this post contains affiliate links that may generate commission for the author}

Workday Reading

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  1. E says:

    Including a link to what 100 calories of Halloween candy looks like is inappropriate/insensitive at best, possibly triggering to those with eating disorders at worst. Let’s not do this please.

    • Sarah says:

      I disagree. If one thinks that will be a problem, don’t click the link. We all have different life challenges and we cannot expect a blogger to walk around all of them.

      • Mary says:

        Agreed, this is not your personal corner of the internet. Not everything is for everyone. If this link isn’t for you, simply don’t click it.

    • JL says:

      The “Halloween Candy” piece contains commentary from a Registered Dietician. Personally, I find an RD to be a wonderful way to receive factual information on good nutrition. I appreciated the article! Personally, I’m a bit stumped as to how it would be considered “inappropriate/insensitive at best”. Good thing the world is full of information sources and we can all choose which to consume and which to pass over!

      • E says:

        Who it is prepared by does not lessen its harm. Dieticians can perpetuate some of the worst fatphobia and food stigma. And yes, one can always skip over articles. I was calling on Abra to do better here with what she chooses to select for her lists. She’s always been good about things like, showing plus size options and the like. Clearly we all have different life challenges, and y’all’s are a lack of empathy.

        • MARY says:

          Gently, if you are unable to scroll through a list of links without getting triggered, then the problem may actually be with you and your lack of resilience.

    • Chelsea says:

      “Harmful” seems extreme, how about just… lame. As women, we’ve all been inundated with this type of content since our early teens.
      I think the best thing would be for Abra to come up with some *original* Halloween content! How about a post on what to wear to a Halloween party that’s fun but still grown up?

      • Kate says:

        Harmful does feel extreme. There are people who calorie count or check sugar grams for a lot of reasons and it’s helpful to know what the options are available to maintain their health and not for weight shaming or obsessive reasons. I acknowledge this is one of those areas where everyone is on their own path and the struggle is real. I appreciate the link.

    • Belle says:

      Halloween is a time when with lots of candy around, and I, like a lot of people, can get a bit ahead of myself. Since there are not usually calorie counts on the individual fun sizes, I thought it was helpful to visualize what a portion size would look like. The intention was not to be insensitive or harmful, but given that there are calorie counts on menus, on packaging, and we all know there is a recommended daily calorie intake, I thought it might be helpful for those who want to eat a few pieces of candy while having some idea of where that fits into their overall calorie count.

      • Allison says:

        As a visual learner with a long-time interest in nutrition and metabolism, and someone who has worn a solid size 12 since middle school, I liked it. OTOH I am genuinely triggered by a particular number because I experienced a very traumatic event on a date that contains that number. And that is not your problem. Trauma triggers are highly personal and extremely varied and it is not realistic for a writer to attempt to avoid every one of them.

    • CitrineDC says:

      With Halloween coming up, and a house full of candy, I actually appreciate this post. It supports my goal of more “mindful” eating.

  2. EL says:

    Those AT ankle pants are truly amazing, especially for post-Covid return to the office. I own them in 3 colors.

  3. Elizabeth says:

    Hello – thanks for posting as usual…how often do you replace your slippers? Mine are getting heavy use with all the work from home and want to see how these hold up

  4. Nancy says:

    Wow, powerful video, Abra. To frame this, I have read your blog consistently for 12 years, and I am now 64 years old. Over all of those years, I have found just the levity, joy, fashion advice and a welcome break from my daily life that you mentioned, as well as a lot of solid information, and a fun connection to you and your community. I am so impressed with your content, your amazing ability to keep it coming in spite of challenging and hard times both in the world and in your own life, you have truly inspired me in that way. Your willingness to be a public person makes my pleasant experience possible, and I know that leap is a lot to integrate into one’s real life. You do it with a good balance of grace, honestly and dignity, I respect and admire that in you.You and I do not share every perspective, on small issues or large, but I never expected that, much less required it. And I would hardly expect you—or anyone— to be anything but a full and sometimes flawed human, as I am, as we all are. I am so grateful for all you have brought to my life for a crazy number of years, thank you. And it will be a joy to read and follow you for as long as you care to continue.

  5. Emily says:

    I’ve been reading your blog since the beginning, I came in part way through year one. I watched your video and I admire your courage in addressing what has been on your mind and heart head on whether fashion or mental health or relationships. We are all allowed, encouraged, to continue growing and developing as humans. I can’t imagine what I would feel if all my thoughts from my twenties were written down and searchable. Blogging has always been a vulnerable activity and I think this criticism is an extension of that. I know what you mean about comments hurting a little more because there is truth in them and I think it is great you could sit with it and discern what was accurate and face it. I hope it doesn’t continue to weigh on you now that you have addressed it. I only read a few sites daily but yours has been one of them for over ten years now. Thank you.

  6. Lauren says:

    Oh, Abra. I’ve been reading the blog for years, and it’s always been authentic. I’ve grown over the years, and I’ve seen it in you as well.

    For someone who has not read the blog in over ten years to make the comment they did speaks to their own inability to be open to others changing. Which I think is often an issue – we so often insist that people change/evolve, and then when they do, people continue to bring up the past. We’ve got to allow ourselves and others the room to change. None of us is getting everything right all the time. Being open and receptive to learning and growing is the best we can aim to do.

    I’m SO glad I’m not who I was 13 years ago, and I hope 13 years from now I’ll be different than I am today, for the better.

    Thanks for sharing. But please don’t beat up on yourself. I can see this weighed on you.

  7. Jessica says:

    Sending you a virtual hug. ❤️ I have no idea what it has been like to “put yourself out there” on the internet for the last 13+ years. Brave is one word to describe it. I can only imagine how tough some of the comments and feedback are at times. I’m a long time reader – and often read your posts and note how much you have changed. I keep coming back to your site because you are a real person with opinions, a point a view, and emotions vs a carefully cultivated and sanitized influencer. You do you, and trust your heart. You know who you are – and who you are trying to become.

    • Belle says:

      Thank you. Usually the comments are perfectly fine, but this DM just got to me a bit. Appreciate the support.

    • Erica says:

      This ^ is how I feel as well. Thank you for being vulnerable and real. This acknowledgement and apology is rare in this day and age, let alone in the internet space.

      You’re the only blog I read and follow. I started following 8 years ago, and you have been one of the few constants “in my life” since that time.

      I hope you feel supported, and know you’re not alone in being different from the person you were 13 years ago.

  8. Shanghai says:

    Love the advent calendars! I might have to get myself the SUGARFINA one, you know, ah, just to support ya ;),

    I haven’t listened to mask Monday yet but I’m so sorry to hear of a frustratingly critical DM. I’ve been following your blog since at least 2011, maybe longer…part of what I appreciate about your voice is that you are NOT a FT influencer! Yes, we all evolve. Lord knows I have too over 10 years. But you’ve been on many of the same journeys that I have. Moves, relationships, family ups and downs…it takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there, but I’m glad you are. Thanks for what you do.

  9. SJ says:

    I am sorry that someone left you that shitty message. That was not constructive in any way, and it was meant to be hurtful, not helpful. I applaud you for putting yourself out there, and being authentic, and continuing to grow. No one is the same as who they were 13 years ago, and one should be proud of continuing to grow and strive for improvement.

    Your video response was very gracious, and very insightful, and much much more than that harsh comment deserved. I hope that these kind comments bring you comfort and peace. There was a much nicer way of giving that feedback, and by delivering it in the way that it was given, it becomes obvious that the comment was meant to hurt you, not help you. You are a good person. And you care about people. And you are trying to do good in the world. And you don’t deserve to be belittled or punished for a tweet from 12 years ago. Be proud of your work and your community and the many wonderful things you have created. And also be proud that you have the insight and strength to look inward and want to improve yourself. Cheers.

  10. CitrineDC says:

    Your Short Watch. Wow. I find it incredible that this person who hasn’t spoken to you in 10 years thinks it is okay to make that cruel comment. It says way more about them than you. Also, please try to be more forgiving of yourself. We ALL make mistakes. We will all continue to make mistakes. Learn from them, make amends if possible, forgive yourself! I have been reading this blog off and on for probably about 5 years. It is such a welcome break in my day and thank you for your curated and thoughtful posts!

  11. Maura says:

    Hi! Maybe I am missing something technological but it looks like the link to the video is down?

    Also, wanted to say I just got a new job with a lovely pay raise, and one of the first things I did was sign up for the Thirtyish newsletter! So excited!

  12. amanda says:

    The trash can you shared is great, but this is my plug for the Simplehuman one that is double the cost but way more visually appealing. I’ve had it for 5 years and it still looks brand new – I cringed buying it because $200 for a trashcan is absurd but it’s made recycling leaps and bounds easier and I prefer the single step so it’s easier to know where to go when guests are over.

  13. Jen says:

    I have this Simple Human bin with garbage/recycle. I like that the lid gives me access to both at the same time, so i can empty my hands all at once.

  14. Kate Talbert says:

    Oh my goodness!! Thank you so so much! I’m honored to be featured on your blog (which I absolutely love!!) and I’m thrilled that the video helped!! ❤❤

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