At the start of the pandemic, I had high hopes for my time in self-isolation.  A creative project or two.  Maybe I’d brush up my French on DuoLingo.  Perhaps I’d finally tackle those closets that needed mucking out.  But by May, I had abandoned most of these plans in favor of watching shows on Netflix that I never, ever would have considered watching before.

That’s how, one late night, while writing campaign copy, I found myself watching the GOOP miniseries.  Gwyneth Paltorw’s wellness empire has always fascinated me, so taking a peek into the weird and expensive world of wellness was very interesting.  And unsurprisingly, in the throes of sleep deprivation and campaign stress, I started to think that I needed more of her pricey SoCal wellness in my life.

Enter the Prolon 5-Day Detox.  No, I don’t know what level of insanity I must have reached to think that I was going to enjoy eating nothing but powdered soup, herbal tea and supplements for a whole week, but here we are.

I did beauty pageants, so I’ve done all of the specious cleanses and detoxes — Blueprint, Master Cleanse, Cabbage Soup, etc.  But this one, advertised as scientifically proven to improve cellular longevity, is the worst.

The soups are like paste.  The supplements are the size of small sausages.  The teas are mostly mint, which is gross.  And the weird sugary water you have to drink all day tastes like the fluoride that give elementary school children.

As for effectiveness, if the goal was to make me hangry and tired, it’s definitely working. Yesterday, I got to eat four kale crackers and I was so excited about it that I was counting the minutes.  So why am I still doing it?

We’ve reached a place of spite motivation.  I know that all the weight I’ve lost is just water.  The carb-starvation headache has lasted two days.  Last night, my husband made himself dinner, and I had to go for a walk while he ate it because the smell of toasted lunch meat was simply too enticing (and I never eat lunch meat).  But I’ll be damned if I am going to quit now.  If Gwyneth can survive this, then so can I.

Selfridge’s is having a huge sale.  And if you need business attire, this is the place to go.

This blazer from Ted Baker is under-$75.  You can even snap up this incredible Roland Mouret peplum jacket for 60%-off.  For work dresses, I found this cobalt Max Mara and this sage green Max Mara at incredible prices.  From blouses to shoes, the sale really has something for everyone.

Sizes are pretty limited, so I recommend sorting by your UK size and shopping that way.  Otherwise, you’ll find something amazing and be disappointed when it’s not available in your size.

I just bought this, so I haven’t started Sex and Vanity yet.  But I need some lightness in my life.  Everything right now feels so heavy, and a Kevin Kwan novel that is a decadent, gossipy romance feels like what I need to be reading right now.  Literary escapism, let’s do it.

Obviously, I’m not eating “real” food right now.  But this weekend I will be back to eating solids, and I can’t wait.  So the recipe I have chosen for my first dinner back is this Shredded Beef Enchilada in Adobo Sauce.  It looks incredible, and while I’m going to go a little lighter on the sauce (Kyle hates smothered foods), I think it’s going to be amazing.

I wrote about this Peter Thomas Roth Niacinamide Discoloration Treatment a few weeks ago.  I wasn’t ready to do a full review at the time, but now I am.  This stuff works.

I have bad acne scarring on my right cheek.  It’s uneven.  It’s dark.  Not even foundation and concealer can hide it.  This cream has noticeably minimized its appearance.  And in the middle of a terrible breakout, the product seemed to help the blemishes heal more quickly without the lasting dark spots.  It’s officially in the rotation.

To use this serum right, you need sunscreen.  Full stop.  Without sunscreen, you’re just pouring the product down the drain.  Suntegrity is my favorite, but I also love Supergoop.

Need a drugstore version of this product?  The Ordinary has a Niacinamide and Zinc serum that will offer similar effects.  The Niacinamide helps discoloration, and Zinc balances sebum activity on oily skin.

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