The Edition: 102

May 30, 2019

Give light, and people will find the way. — Ella Baker

Force of Will. How to make yourself work when you just.don’

Flattered. I bought this $39 Lark & Ro work dress, and it is so comfy and flattering.

Carrying On. Baby Weight: The true cost of motherhood.

Maternal Thoughts. Nom Maternity: bump smart and totally chic all summer.

Splitting Up. Will Beto O’Rourke’s poor staff management get the same attention Sen. Klobuchar’s did?

Brightened. This $4 highlighter is endorsed by women of all ages.

War of Words. What is intersectionality, and why is it seen with such vitriol?

Show of Support. Loving this Banana Republic tee for Pride month.

Powers That Be. Intuition vs. Anxiety: How to trust your instincts.

Sparkled. These Argento Vivo cluster earrings are a pretty choice for work.

Letting Go. When ignoring a text is the polite thing to do.

Podcasts.  I love so many.  And for a while, Hitha and I have been talking about starting one.  The issue we has is two-fold: One) we live on different coasts, and Two) the technology seems a bit daunting.

So I thought I would ask the most knowledgeable bunch of women I know for advice.  Google generates a lot of results, but the posts are sometimes self-serving ads or tough to follow.  Do you have a podcast?  Do you know of resources for people looking to start one?  And how the heck do we record one of us in NYC and one of us in Spokane, and wherever my career takes me next?

Would love some guidance.

Workday Reading

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  1. Kate says:

    It’s totally possible to do a podcast from different locations. Check out “The West Wong Weekly”. They record their own audio and talk via Skype, then merge the audio clips. Sounds like they’re right next to each other!

    • Paige says:

      Worth noting that one of the hosts is a musician, so I think he has some equipment and mixing software/skills that probably helps.

  2. Laurel says:

    I host a podcast (Craneiacs, about the TV show Frasier) and it’s so much easier than I thought it would be. My cohost and I don’t live in the same timezone, but we make it work. He handled the actual uploading of episodes and getting us started on iTunes, but we both record and edit, which has been much easier than I thought it would be. Few things to consider: get a decent microphone (mine was $50 on Amazon), use headphones when recording, and download Audacity as your recording and editing software.Happy to answer more questions!

    • Kelly says:

      My podcasting experience consists of 1) a class assignment and 2) a test podcast with my sister, but it is super easy! I used Audacity both times. It’s free but it’s super good. When my sister and I recorded we chatted via Skype or something like it. We just had headphones in, each recorded (via Audacity) ourselves while we chatted, and then my sister sent her file to me. If you both record the whole time, you just have to line up the tracks once. Edit as much/little as you want and you’re good to go!
      PS If you’re doing test podcasts, start short to get the technical things right. Our test podcast was like 30 mins and there’s a weird rattle from my headphones hitting my computer the ENTIRE. TIME.

  3. Leah says:

    I have no knowledge to actually answer your question, BUT WOW WOULD I LISTEN (AND EVEN SUBSCRIBE + RATE AND REVIEW) YOUR PODCAST! Two of my favorites that I listen to record in different places (‘Happier with Gretchen Rubin’ and ‘In the Limelight’) perhaps they would answer questions on equipment/logistics with cross-coast recording/editing.

  4. Denise says:

    That baby weight article. Wow. Never has an article hit closer to home to me. Thank you for posting it.

    • Jessica says:

      Agreed. I experience endless frustration when my husband is complaining about some little thing that seems like Such.A.Big.Deal to him when I am drowning in household bill paying, grocery shopping, cooking, keeping the dog alive, daycare drop off and pick up, work a full time job and still do the bookkeeping for our farm. When he says “too many jobs!” i want to strangle him.

      And the career angle is spot on too. Immediately upon returning to work after baby #1 things shifted among our management (of which I was a part of) and haven’t improved. They know that i need to be out the door at 5pm and plan key meetings after hours over dinner when they know i can’t make it.

    • MRitz says:

      It’s on target for sure. I have a partner that wants to be an equal parent. I’m sometimes frustrated by how equal he thinks he is (e.g. if you book a dentist appointment for yourself without checking in on other people’s schedules, you’re not carrying the same weight). But I think until we decide to affirmatively change the structure around becoming a parent (i.e. mandatory paternity leave so as to eliminate the stigma of taking it when many want to) change will be glacially slow.

    • Mercedes says:

      I thought the baby weight article was a little melodramatic. I’m a mom, and an attorney, and while I have absolutely had to make sacrifices for my daughter my career is not ruined and it’s not all doom and gloom 24/7. It sounds like the author of this article just had a really crappy workplace. Yes, it is absolutely hard. You just have to do the best you can with the time you have.

      • Christine says:

        I kind of agree. I don’t have kids yet, but at 30, I think about it all the time. I kept reading, and kept thinking to myself that the major issues she had would not apply to me to the same degree. I have a supportive, family-friendly boss and workplace that actually is implementing day care on-site. All the equal-partner conversations would be a struggle for me, but her work situation sounded uncommonly difficult.

      • Laura says:

        Mercedes/Christine: I think the key here was she works in a male-dominated industry. I, too, work in a male-dominated industry (manufacturing) and unfortunately companies have to take it upon themselves to push for benefits and programs that make things more equitable for women and moms. There is no mandate or requirement. The culture is so backwards. Simply having a leave policy is great but if the unspoken rule/culture is to be gone as little as possible regardless of what the policy is, your image/reputation/career will suffer. There are countless numbers of books and articles about how to make it through your pregnancy, leave, and with children while still be successful as a woman in the workplace. There’s a reason for that.

        • Denise says:

          I work in a male dominated field, for an old school white male dominated German company. I’ve been passed over for 2 promotions since having my second son 4 years ago and was informed the second one didn’t happen because the other candidate ‘networked’ better than I did. He is a man sitting in the main office in Germany and sees the ‘big boss’ every day.

          The author could practically be me. Her age, her kids ages, etc.

          I don’t walk around with a ‘woe is me my career is doomed’ attitude every day. I work, I run, I have dance parties with my kids at night. But its refreshing to see it laid out there like this. The more people that read it…well, maybe we can incite some change…

  5. C says:

    I know nothing about launching podcasts but 1) I listen to a lot of them and would absolutely subscribe to one from you and Hitha and 2) Young House Love has mentioned on their podcast that they created an e-course on how to launch a podcast for A Beautiful Mess, might be a good perspective on growing a blog into a podcast.

  6. Emily g says:

    I can’t speak to the quality of the info, but Young House Love and A Beautiful Mess have developed a podcast tutorial.

  7. Katie says:

    The link to the Beto staff article is directing me to the front page of The Washington Post.

  8. Meg says:

    Kristen Meinzer, who hosts several podcasts and was a podcast producer at Panoply, wrote a book called So You Want to Start a Podcast. I know nothing about the book, but I do enjoy her podcasts!

    I would definitely listen (and subscribe!) to yours!

    • RaChel says:

      Came her to recommend this book as well! I love one of her podcasts called “By the Book” which i recommend often.

      Also coming here to day that I would completely listen to you podcast. Long distance is a factor, but also check out “Call Your Girlfriend” which is two best friends who are long distance but just celebrated five years hosting a podcast. It can be done!

      Can’t wait to see you speak as part of the BOP podcast panel next week!!

  9. CP says:

    I listen to and enjoy a variety of podcasts, but thought of Happier with Gretchen Rubin when I read your post:

    The podcast is hosted by Gretchen Rubin, a successful author of several books on happiness and applying frameworks to live a better life (and a former lawyer) who lives in NYC, and her sister, Elizabeth Craft, a Hollywood tv show writer who lives in Los Angeles. They release a new podcast about once a week. Maybe you can reach out to them and ask about the logistics of bi-coastal podcast recording; they seem pretty responsive to questions.

  10. jo says:

    Interesting link collection, but FYI, the link for the piece on Beto / Klobuchar just leads to the Washington Post home page. Thanks for bringing attention to that subject!

    I have no advice, but I would check out a podcast if you tried it.

  11. Pam says:

    Thanks for sharing the article on baby weight, I am sitting here stunned and almost in tears. The paragraph on “not it” – just slammed me. I am 53 I have two sons ages 17 and 20. I take care of the house, pets, my car, homework, house cleaning & yard service, kids, school stuff, medical health stuff, activities, social engagements, aging parents and everything else except for the fish tank and the wifi and his dry cleaning (yeah, that’s where I took my stand) I do all the shopping, all the vacation and holiday planning, all the gift buying. I never planned for it to be this way, it just sort of happened – and then bam there I was doing all this stuff. I am considered pretty successful in my career in a male-dominated industry in finance, a male-dominated function- I’ve risen to the ranks of senior management. I’m lucky that hours are flexible and I can work from home when we need repairs on the house. But all my male peers have stay at home wives. I work from 7:30 or 8-5:30, with no lunch break, go home and then put in another 2-3 hours I make 3x $ what my husband does… but I am always “it”. he shows up only for the life/death moments (for pets and children). Bizarrely, everything else is my job. I manage – what would I tell someone?? My mom is nearby and helps tremendously – she is my clone and personal assistant when needed.

    • anna says:

      Wow, I hope you know that just because it’s always been this way doesn’t mean it always has to be this way. My mom sounds a lot like you. She eventually reached a boiling point when I was in college, after years of always keeping her frustrations in, and decided to move out and my parents were separated for years. It was basically the nuclear option. She’d had all this resentment building and my dad was totally clueless. They’ve been living together again for a few years now and my mom started to let things slip back into the old ways of basically taking care of everyone, despite the fact that my dad and my bro (who moved back home) are both grown a** men. It eventually took a toll on her health, so she’s finally put her foot down and is making them carry their own weight. It involves some management and telling them exactly what needs to be done, but it works and she just refuses to do their part – no excuses.

    • Denise says:

      Pam, I feel you sister. I’m 42 and also do that insane laundry list (with a 7 and 4 year old), except my husband’s list is trash takeout, paying the lawn guy (but not scheduling him), and dry cleaning. Dry cleaning was easy for me to stick him with because yeah, I don’t care what he looks like at work 😉

      I have a nanny who is essentially my coparent. I think that’s what happens….when we can’t lean on our actual parent, we outsource. Bonus – my nanny remembers all the spirit weeks and knows how to match socks in the drawer.

      Hang in there!

  12. Maddy says:

    I listen to Call Your Girlfriend and the hosts live in different time zones. Their business partner, Gina Delvac handles most of the tech and logistics and answers tons of FAQs about equipment, editing and what not on her website.

    • Lauren says:

      Yes! i was about to comment about Call Your Girlfriend and see a few others have. I love their long distance friendship and perspectives on lots of different topics. It’s totally possible from opposite coasts.

  13. Shanghai says:

    Just chiming in to agree with everyone that I’d love to hear a podcast from you and Hitha. Even a simple one! Not enough “quickies” (20-25 minute pods) IMO.

  14. Elizabeth says:

    Pantsuit Politics is a podcast produced with the two hosts in different parts of Kentucky – they might have some good ideas for you.

    • Suz says:

      Love your site and your weekly and daily nuggets of information. I too am way OLDER than 30 but really enjoy hearing other voices and perspective. The Baby Weight article described many of my issues earlier on but since my youngest is now in high school (he’s an exchange student in Germany for this past year), my husband& I reversed roles, he handles much of the load and I can now focus on work and furthering myself. I’ve had to reconcile that there are lots of things we handle differently and be ok with things not being Perfect or Near Perfect.

      Thanks for your link to Intersectionality, it’s such a fascinating article. Being a woman, who is of both Black American and Japanese heritage and old enough to have grown up in 60s, 70s and 80s, it brings into focus a lot of the issues that we are facing in our society. I try not to engage in politics for the most part because emotions are so charged and people are so galvanized right now. But I hope that by being open with people and respectful to all views (even if they do not match mine) is key for us being better as a society. Would love to hear your podcast but honestly, right now, my time is so limited, I don’t get to listen to all the ones I want to. Take Care and Best wishes.

  15. LC says:

    First, I think the articles describing some behavior by Klobuchar towards her staff were u warranted. Even so, I can’t believe you linked (or attempted to) to that junk opinion piece by Jennifer Rubin. She is relying on a Daily Beast piecethat totally mischaracterized one interaction between Beto and his staff at the end of the documentary, Anyone who actually saw the documentary would know that— these aren’t allegations from unidentified staff members but one person’s attempt to find, something, anything, to use against the candidate from a documentary anyone can see for themselves.

    BTW, I highly recommends anyone interested in politics watch Running with Beto on HBO even if he is not their preferred candidate— it is an excellent political documentary, and some of the ordinary folks working on the campaign have their own extraordinary stories.

    • Katel says:

      Interesting – whether the Beto characterization is true or not Jennifer Rubin was calling out a double standard. Hey media you’re up in arms about Amy and the like-ability of Elizabeth but silence on Beto?!?

  16. rebecca says:

    That “How to make yourself work when you just don’t want to” article was exactly the kick in the butt I needed today. Thank you.

  17. Lisa says:

    Have you looked at Young House Love’s Podcast? They promote this course:

  18. Becky says:

    Please start a podcast! I was a guest on one that does all interviews remotely using Zencast. The interface was very easy from my end.

    From what I’ve known from friends and work projects, having an easy hosting plan is one of the most important parts. Sadly, my knowledge of this ends there.

    Good luck!

  19. Jenny says:

    The weight of motherhood is NOT inevitable. Your workplace, your partner, and you all contribute to how difficult mothering is going to be. Sounds like this woman had a particularly dreadful workplace. That sucks. But not every workplace is like this for moms, and as an educated professional, she has more options than many women to change jobs. I’m not sure I understand why she ended up doing all the morning AND evening baby routines since her husband had “late hours” — he’s not around when the baby wakes up at 6:30 am? Look, I switched to a higher-paying but more dull job at my company as we planned for our second child. It’s not my dream. But it’s flexible and will pay for childcare easily. In a few years, I’ll move to something more exciting. And my husband is also making decisions that put our family above his career. He is not the all-star workhorse he used to be. But we are *both* giving up a little professionally to make sure we can share daycare pickups. I do not do more childcare than my husband. It drives me crazy when women talk about this wild imbalance in parenting as if it’s something thrust upon them by “society,” when we are, in fact, responsible for what goes on in our own households. End rant.

    • Suzanne says:

      Perhaps it is easier for you, but I hardly think it’s fair to say that everyone can manipulate circumstances to make their lives easier. Some mothers may be stuck in situations that allow for less flexibility than you have enjoyed and/or they may have partners that are not as supportive as yours. Please be grateful for your good fortune for making the motherhood/professional/life balance work for you and please abstain from being judgmental for those less fortunate! Hardly a reason to rant, especially if you are not living it.

  20. Whitney Gibbs says:

    All of my podcast dreams would come true with you two! Young House love did a course on podcasts. I trust them for all house stuff so maybe this is good?

  21. M says:

    Have you heard of the podcast “Call Your Girlfriend”? They started the podcast because they were long distance friends and their phone conversations turned into a podcast (at least I think that’s how it started). I believe they are only together during live events so the majority of their pods are recorded remotely. I’m sure if you reached out to them they could talk you through the technology and the ins and outs of recording remotely.

  22. Monica T says:

    Re: The Baby Weight and any number of other articles in recent years that are finally shedding some light on different women’s experience of motherhood…I wish we could get past reading them as anything other than an honest accounting of how they FEEL about THEIR life. It may seem melodramatic to some, or staid to others, depending on how they experience this unique kind of stress. For some it may make them feel true sorrow and loneliness, or despair, even when they love their kids or partner or both. It’s only in sharing the bad with the good that we are speaking the truth.

    • Shannon says:


      And I will go one further: a big “ugh” to all the commenters scolding the writer for not doing their personal laundry list iof things to change her situation, instead of wondering why her husband can’t be a bloody adult in his own home.

      Stop holding women who are barely holding their heads above water accountable for the actions of men who are blithely rowing about, not bothering to throw their wives a dang rope. They’re the ones shirking. Women have enough on our plates as it is.

      • LG says:

        Thanks for saying this, you put it far better than I ever could. Yes we should demand more of our partners, but it totally SUCKS that women bear the responsibility for deprogramming husbands and co-workers who have been raised in a climate of toxic masculinity and deeply entrenched gender inequality in the workplace and at home. It shouldn’t be our job (in addition to our job-jobs and our jobs as mothers).

        • Shannon says:

          I had to “deprogram” my husband, and, honestly after years of exhausting work we’re still only about 80 percent of the way there.

          For instance, a few weeks ago he wanted headpats because he doesn’t complain about dinner. You know, the dinners I’ve been grinding out for a bloody decade now, because he refuses to learn how to cook and I stopped trying to roll that particular boulder up that particular mountain. Even though he’s happy to make the Thanksgiving turkey, because that’s fun, happens once a year, and gets him all sorts of praise.

          But I’m sure there are commenters here who would just love to tell me what to do differently, instead of wondering why my husband feels above throwing together a dang stir-fry.

      • laura says:

        THANK YOU SHANNON! I couldn’t quite get the words out myself but you hit the nail on the head.

        • K says:

          I absolutely agree it sucks that many women have to deprogram their husbands. I’m lucky in that i started dating my now-husband when we were babies in college, so any deprogramming happened long before we had kids. At the same time, it seems to me that only way to change this moving forward for our daughters is to do the work now and not accept it as fait accompli. If we want our sons to be better — they need to see what better looks like in their own homes, It blows my mind, for example, that in a family with two working parents, any one parent would be expected to handle both drop off and pick up (unless daycare is located at their workplace/dramatically closer or they have complete flexibility at work). That, to me, shows an utter lack of respect for the other’s career.

  23. Allison says:

    I manage a podcast for work. We have a creative team that manages professional recording, but we bought some inexpensive tools to use when we travel. Mic: Rode Procaster ($229), Mic Stand: Auray stand ($12), 10-ft XLR cable: Kopul Studio XLR ($18). Once you’ve got the recording you need to host it somewhere. Apple will just pull in the RSS feed from where you host. We use BluBrry to host, it’s $12 a month for a subscription. You’ll need a thumbnail image for the podcast too, we just use a logo. Once that’s posted, you reach out to apple to evaluate, approve and air your podcast. That’s free, just takes a few days. After that’s all launched you can think about hosting on platforms outside of Apple, but I think that’s the best place to start. The analytics are annoyingly slim, you can’t plug in google analytics so you just get downloads. You can’t tell how long people listen, or if they are unique people. (If anyone else has figured out how to get better podcast analytics please tell me!) Hope that helps, would love to listen to a podcast from you!

  24. KAte says:

    Hi Belle! I would love, love, love to hear you and Hitha in my earbuds. One of my favorite podcast hosts–Kristen Meinser of By the Book–recently wrote a book that is coming out soon, “So You Want to Start a Podcast.”

  25. ReBecca says:

    A lot of the baby weight article resonated with me as a new Mom in a make dominated field. I have a partner who works really hard to be an equal parent, but we struggle because a lot of the little details and executive function associated with parenting just come more naturally to me. It feels inefficient to make him spend twice as long doing a task not quite as well, so for us the problem is not just him taking stuff on, but me being willing to let it go.

  26. Catherine says:

    I host a podcast in which I interview people in my corner of North Carolina, and all of the interviews are remote. My suggestions:
    – I use Ringr to record. The software records me and my interviewee natively, then uploads them to my account. That way the audio quality is much better, and doesn’t sound like Skype or other voice-over-ip recordings.
    – I use Buzzsprout for hosting and it’s been super easy to use.
    – Get a good mic. Check out Wirecutter for recommendations.
    – GarageBand has been perfect for my editing needs. I bought a Creative Commons music piece for the intro music.
    – Give yourself 3x as much time as you think you’ll need for sound editing, particularly the first few times. I have become so much more conscious of how often people use filler words/sounds/phrases!
    – Apple can take nearly a week to approve the first episode, so keep that in mind when planning your launch.

    Love both you and Hitha, and hope you take the plunge! It’s a really fun medium. Feel free to email if you have any questions about what I shared.

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