If you don’t feel it, flee from it. Go where you are celebrated, not merely tolerated. — Paul F. Davis
Slowing Down. Why you shouldn’t respond to e-mail immediately.
Digitally Altered. J.Crew’s Cyber Monday deal is 50% off full-price, 60% off sale (code CYBER). I grabbed these winter boots, but I wanted these leopard ones.
Perspectives. 10 important things to remember about life and love. Very uplifting.
Dangled. Perfect for the holidays: Pick three pairs of Baublebar earrings for $48.
Looking Out. Strategies for dealing with a co-worker who isn’t self aware.
Bop It. Shopbop’s Cyber Monday sale is awesome. These cap toe Edelman pumps and Isabel Marant earrings caught my eye.
Going Dry. Sobering up revealed how problematic ‘Wine Mom’ culture really is.
Warmed Up. This Dawn Levy circle quilted jacket makes you look like a Star Wars character in the coziest way possible.
Saved Up. This video features 7 ways to start budgeting and saving.
Found It. Check out this cross back Madewell sweater and bright J.Crew coat from the Rack.
Brimming Over. 3 women discuss finding fulfillment outside of work.
Make a Deal. These $29 Michael Kors bow heels are a steal for holiday parties.
Calling Out. What is it about the word ‘wife’?
I never know what to do with bananas that are quickly approaching their expiration date. This Caramelized Banana Upside Down Cake will do quite nicely. Plus, it’s easy to take to the office for a holiday gathering.
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Got to say that the wife article rubbed me the wrong way. Really it seemed like somehow she was trying to blame the word wife on all her issues. It really just gave me the feeling that somehow she can’t have words of ownership reflected on her at all because it makes her lose her autonomy. Should he have said instead of wife “the woman who married me but is still her own person” every time he introduced her?
I 100% agree with your comment.
I think she made it clear her problem with the word was just an indicator of her greater problem with intimacy in her relationship by pointing out that she didn’t know how to “collaborate” with her partner. The word was just the weird, nagging thing that made her realize something else was wrong.
Weird article. It was kind of fine and relatable until she split from her responsibilities to spend time in thrift stores. Is that really for fulfillin than raising a family? Maybe it just bothers me that the kids are described in such negative terms. Maybe she should write about the word “mother”. She seems to have some challenges with it
I don’t really see how the kids are described negatively here. And I think part of the problem is when people (women or men) decide nothing is more important or fulfilling than raising a family or having kids. And I say this as someone with two children.
My sense is that when she felt like that she became a label, she felt pressure, whether self-imposed or societal to behave a certain way or do certain things. I totally get that. The word was probably just an indication of how she was struggling with that.
“That’s right, take the barfy, snotty, wailing children with you.”
That’s pretty much the only comment/description of the kids.
To me she comes across as too negative or selfish but just not relatable.
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I didn’t mind the description of the kids. That’s just how a lot of parents joke with each other to get through the more difficult moments of parenting, in between all the fun and exciting things. I wonder if this relationship would have lasted so long without the kids, actually. If she had never gotten pregnant. She seems like a very smart woman, but maybe one that doesn’t become her best self in a committed relationship. I happen to be someone who really thrives within the security of marriage — it allows me to become more generous, less selfish, more confident — but for some people, it’s stifling. Marriage can suit all kinds of people, but it’s definitely not for everyone. Which is fine.
Re: the responding to emails article: I appreciate this advice and can understand that confining email to one part of the day can work for many people, but I think for many of us, responding to emails isn’t something that distracts us from our jobs, it literally is part of our jobs. This has been true for Every job I’ve had (I’m a lawyer). Sure, I have longer-term projects, but a significant portion of many of my days is responding in real time to requests. Has anyone ever found advice for managing email/organizing your time that is aimed at people who have limited control over how they spend their time?
J, have you tried a similar idea but instead of confining email to one part of your day, which sounds like it wouldn’t work for you, confine it to one part of each hour, say? For example, only having your email program open 9-9:15, 10-10:15, etc? That way you can respond to things in a timely manner, but also set aside 45 minute chunks of time for distraction-free work. A similar option would be to block out a couple of hours each day when you don’t check email at all so you have some time to concentrate.
At least in my job (also a lawyer), only responding once an hour during the workday would cause serious issue – once an hour is the acceptable afterhours approach for unexpected emails. Probably more a function of the partners with whom I work rather than the actual urgency, but c’est la vie.
I highly recommend the book Deep Work. It’s a productivity/psychology of focus book that is both fascinating and suggests different modalities for organizing your work life depending on your time demands. I’m also a lawyer, and I organize my days in different chunks of time for research, email, drafting, etc, and it’s made a big difference. It doesn’t always go according to plan, but knowing why I organize my time the way I do makes it easier to explain to others.
Also, I maintain that we need a culture shift on expectations around emails. It’s taken several years, but after I earned the trust of the people I work with, I’ve been setting expectations around emails. They know I check it at periodic times, and if it’s an emergency they need to call me or come by my office. I also don’t check my email after 8pm, and only twice on the weekend. The expectation setting (plus reliability for actually doing the work) is a big part of making email work for you.
I would second the recommendation for DeepWork. He offers several different approaches that you can experiment with. It was very thought provoking for me. I try to have 90 mins in the day where I can focus on things I need to read or write or study.
Similar to Deep Work is a book called “Overwhelmed: Work, Love, and Play When No One Has the Time”. It really talks about cultural changes that would help everyone. I’m relatively new to a job that expects 40 hours a week and no more and it’s so much less stressful than the place that expected/implied 40+ (or 40++++) hours (and wasn’t really tracking if those overtime hours were productive).
Loved today’s links!
Love the opening quote–just what I needed to read today. Thanks!