1) White House women want to be in the room where things happen. (WaPost)
2) How do you feel about a bracelet that holds your hair tie?
3) Stacy London talks aging and style, and why getting older gives you the power to be bold. (Refinery29)
4) This teal sweater dress from AT’s Icons Collection is the ultimate office chic. I also love this color blocked knit set.
5) Three tips for traveling more when you have a full-time job. (The Everygirl)
6) This Oasis moody floral blouse in shades of blue and burgundy is perfection. Plus-size? Try this Billie and Blossom blouse in a subtle floral.
7) Why so few women keep their maiden names. (Mel)
8) This Quibe line art nude print is the perfect boudoir piece. I also love the blush tones in this photo of the beach at sunset by Max Wagner.
I am buying the hair tie bracelet RIGHT NOW! I make sure to remove the tie from my wrist for work because it obviously doesn’t jive next to a gold watch. But this Saturday I found myself at a football game in Georgia with nothing to hold my hair back with during a 95 degree game. I will not be making that mistake again! (Added benefit, I won’t lose circulation in my wrist when I start using a new tie!)
– Weigel says. “But I do not necessarily see this as a key feminist issue. After all, the maiden name is simply your dad’s name. Either way, the name marks you as the property of a man.”-
I pretty much identify with this statement as to my married name. My husband is a better man than my father, so I just chose the name of the better man! It just so happened that it also made my last name much easier to pronounce and remember for the double H’s.
I have a friend who kept her name, and she and her husband agreed the girls would get her name, which is her mother’s name. So that’s cool. Personally, while it is my father’s last name, it’s been mine for 34 1/2 years, so it’s mine now. But I totally get your reasoning.
I have one of those hair-tie holding bracelets, and although I don’t wear it everyday (bracelets are annoying when typing on a computer all day)I will usually wear it to classier events where I have the potential to get hot, or annoyed with my hair (weddings, conferences, church) it doesn’t look bad by itself, and keeps me from looking like a high schooler with a hair tie around my wrist.
I have a hair-tie bracelet and really like it. It’s pretty and discreet. It looks really nice as just a bracelet for when I’m using the hair tie and is great for when my days at work are more active.
Shannon Cary says:
I find it fascinating that more women don’t keep their own names. I am at the age where a lot of my friends are getting divorced and are getting remarried. The name situations for these women get pretty confusing, especially professionally or if they have kids. I am not getting divorced, but I’m still thankful to have always had the same name (even if it’s my dad’s name).
Since a startling amount of my friends have gotten married recently (and nearly all took their husband’s names although some are doing the HRC), I’ve been giving a lot of thought to the last last name conundrum but frustratingly don’t think there’s a perfect solution although I am FIRMLY in the ‘keep your maiden name’ camp. I’ve had my last name my entire life and earned my degrees with it so I see no reason to change it (and it’s not as if most guys are contemplating a marital name change for themselves). Ultimately, I’ll probably give my mother’s maiden name to my children as a middle name (I’d prefer hers as mine actually but it’s a bit late for that) and give them my husband’s surname.
Also, am I the only one who’s a kinda shocked to see so many of my peers taking their husband’s name in 2016??
If you want to, you want to. Your choice. But I’m perplexed by friends who think it’s some kind of slam against their husband if they don’t.
I always think it’s extremely weird when people read the choice not to change the name as a slam against the husband. So odd.
When I got married (mid-20s) I changed my name, and my friends who got married around then did the same. I’m divorced (changed my name back) and my friends who are marrying now (in their mid-30s) are all keeping their existing names. There’s less…kerfuffle about the choice at this lifestage, I find. I had LOTS of conversations with people about my name change when I got married, but for my friends who are marrying now, it’s NBD. (Note: I will not change it again, and wish I hadn’t in the first place.)
Just after I got married, my husband and I were relocated overseas for government jobs, and it was a million times easier doing this with the same last name (all that USG paperwork is hard enough without someone losing track of your shipment, housing assignment, etc. because the names are different). For that process along it was worth the change! Obviously this was a pretty unique situation, but a good example of the fact that we all have different circumstances, and no one solution works for every couple.
I have a gold bracelet for my hair tie. It is great to have around! However, I did notice that when I was pulling my jacket on/off and generally bumping my wrist around a lot, the hair tie would roll off the bangle. I paid $90 for mine a few years ago and the one listed looks like it has a much higher lip than the one I own (so maybe less rolling off the bracelet). I still have it and wear it more frequently going out at night in the summer when I’m not wearing sleeves.
I have to say I get really frustrated by people mispronouncing my surname when they read it and misspelling it when they hear it so if I marry someone with an easier surname than mine then I’d happily change. I’ve also always liked the idea of changing both of your names to something different – either a combined name if your former surnames slot together, or something new that you picked together.
This was a big part of why I changed my name. I know it’s old fashioned and not a particularly feminist choice, but it’s just SO much easier. It was worth the hassle of the name change (and it’s definitely quite a hassle, especially when you’re barred in multiple jurisdictions and courts) to have a last name that I don’t have to spell every time I give it to someone and that I don’t have to correct every time it’s mispronounced. It also helps that our last names started with the same letter, so my initials haven’t changed.
I suggested to my now-husband that we change our names together as a compromise (I picked “Pendragon”… it wasn’t a winner). I think it’s a great idea. I ended up keeping my name, more out of laziness and because I had so many publications already in my name, but on the other hand it’s very easy to pronounce/spell so I can see where you’re coming from!
Ditto — I switched from a long Polish last name to a short “vanilla” one. I miss the uniqueness but save SO much time and frustration spelling and re-spelling my name!
Jenn s. says:
I’m near Heather on this matter. My maiden name was my mom’s maiden name. Her father walked out on their family when she was nine; ergo, I want nothing to do with that surname. The name doesn’t have meaning for me, so I happily changed it to match my husband’s when we wed.
That said, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with choosing to keep your given name – particularly if you have extensive accomplishments with it (many degrees, you’re a doctor, you’re well-known in your field, etc). Any fellow who would be offended by choosing not to adopt his name with those considerations is not worth your time, let alone marriage.
I do not, however, love hyphenating, or hyphenating children. It’s fussy. But it’s also your life, name, and kids – not mine. Just know that you will inadvertently annoy at least half of the IT departments of the companies you work for when it is time to create your accounts. 😉
My husband is a developer and has a hyphenated last name (as his family name), so imagine his conundrum. 😉
Jenn S. says:
Could be worse, I suppose – could be hyphenated *and* have an apostrophe. Quelle horreur.
The name thing is so interesting. My vote is always be thoughtful about it and do what you want. My husband and I took “third door on the right” approach. We married young and I hadn’t given much thought to whether I would change my name or not. A year later, hadn’t changed it, and he asked if I was planning to. we talked about the history of the tradition and what it meant, and to him it meant that we go together, as a team, and it’s a symbol to the world that messing with me meant messing with him. I pointed out that the symbolism was one-way, so we ended up with both of us taking my maiden name as middle names and sharing his last name. A big factor for us was also that we plan on adopting and want one family name. Works for us, and now we have a hilarious story about our names!
And if you couldn’t guess, we’re both lawyers now.
Yikes, do we have to take everything as a feminist issue? Either way the last names marks us as property of men? What are we supposed to do with that? Not have names? Pick a totally different one we like? I just have never cared enough about it to think twice about my last name both before I was married and after. I certainly don’t care enough about it to strike out and hyphenate, pick a new one, etc. to make a statement. It’s a name. People all over the world have them.
I got great advice from a mentor when debating whether to change my name that may be relevant for other writers/academics: if I kept my name, it’d be earlier in the alphabet than my husband’s name, so I’d be more likely to appear first as author on a publication. I wish this weren’t important, but women who coauthor in my field are given significantly less credit for their contributions unless they’re listed first (source here: https://www.nytimes.com/2016/01/10/upshot/when-teamwork-doesnt-work-for-women.html?_r=0). Also, since my husband and I are in the same field, if we coauthor I’ll be listed first 😉
Needless to say, I kept my name.
My last name is a common Hispanic surname, but until I bust out in Spanish, you can’t really tell I’m Hispanic. Since my kids aren’t likely to be fluent Spanish speakers or have features that are traditionally associated with Latinos (we come in all colors, but the stereotype is the stereotype), if I marry someone who isn’t Latino, my last name is really the only notable thing to tie them to that heritage. My culture and background is really important to me, plus I’m already 30, so I’d likely keep my last name or double up/hyphenate, and I’d like my kids to have both. If by some chance I marry someone with a Hispanic surname, I might consider changing, since my last name is basically the Spanish version of Smith, but it’d be tough since I’ve had this name for 30 years. It’s part of whom I am.
Tech Writer says:
Belle, I cannot thank you enough for that Stacy London article. I’m older than she is by a good bit, and never married or had kids either (and never wanted to). Aging is weird enough, but when you don’t have traditional milestones as social markers, people don’t know what to make of you. In some ways, you get to experience a sustained sense of potential, but the flip side is having to reassess what doors are open when you’re not the same person you were twenty or thirty years ago, and how differently you’re perceived as you go through the world. In my 40s, I’d wake up every day surprised to be that age. You always feel younger in your head. But I absolutely love the change in perspective afforded by a long length of time. “It’s the gift of time that allows us to change our prejudices and perceptions.” Yeah.
Anybody else start singing Hamilton when they read “the room where is happens?”