The Workday Reading: May 20, 2016

May 20, 2016

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1) How to get through the airport’s TSA checkpoint as quickly as possible. (Lifehacker)

2) This boohoo Tilly shopper is unfathomably cool for just $35.

3) DNA tests are a popular law enforcement tool.  But what do you do when crime labs routinely get the tests wrong? (The Atlantic)

4) Looking to splurge on a dress for a summer wedding?  This DvF Kera dress is so punchy and fun.  For something fun and affordable, try this ASTR high-neck, twist front dress.

5) ‘Good Wife’ fans, Diane Lockhart is getting her own spin-off. (Elle)

6) Banana Republic is offering 40% off your purchase with code BRTAKE40.  This poplin peplum tank is on my must have list.  I also love this floral flutter sleeve dress and this very cool Jessa shoe in black and white stripe.

7) Why do we harass newly marrieds with questions about children?  And what can they do about it? (The Washington Post)

8) Shopbop has some cute shirts right now.  This embroidered TulaRosa Memphis top is cute.  I also like the re:named Red Petals top and this pretty scalloped hem top from Endless Rose.

9) The Cult-Favorite French Beauty Products You Can Buy on Amazon. (The Cut)  I’ve always been partial to the Lineage brand, particularly their Perfect Pore Cleanser.

10) Need a one-piece swimsuit?  This Shoshanna pleated waves suit is pretty.  This $39 scallop-trim suit is also a winner.  Plus-size? I like this jade green Kenneth cole.

11) Apparently 369 people thought being a blogger was just as good as being a doctor. (Career Cast)

12) Coil rings are everywhere right now.  Luckily, Max & Chloe and Elizabeth and James are offering mid-price versions of these pricey baubles.

*image found here.

Workday Reading

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  1. Jenn S. says:

    No. 7 – There’s no faster way to make my blood boil than this question. An innocent ask from someone who hasn’t asked before (not that it’s fine, but I understand that the question isn’t always loaded) doesn’t make me see red as much as the incessant harassment of someone who has gotten an answer. The article suggests that one handle it with social grace – and that is perfect for first-time-but-persistent querents. If your problem, like mine, lies with obnoxious, rude, invasive people who are closer to you, however…

    During our rehearsal dinner, my now-father-in-law decided to open his mouth to the group about how we can now, “get to making him some grandkids.” I was furious and mortified – moreso when our attempts to get him to shut up failed.

    After the wedding, it continued despite explaining that we aren’t interested in becoming parents, kids don’t fit in our view for our future, etc. Apparently our lives and goals are irrelevant in his view because HE wants grandkids. It became so intolerable that I wouldn’t go around him for a while. Eventually, he let off.

    A couple weeks ago, it came up again during a family barbecue and I not-so-gracefully blew a gasket, demanding, “Are you really f***ing talking about this?!” and stormed off. Not my finest moment but it was better, in that moment, than the cruel, sharp-barbed alternative on the tip of my tongue. Finally, it seems, that got his attention that we are quite serious that the topic is not up for discussion or debate. Let’s hope it stays that way.

    • Sharon says:

      Jenn S. – I completely understand your frustration and will vicariously live through your blown gasket! I am mortified when I get asked this question as well because my s*x life is none of (usually an older) relative’s business. It’s so frustrating not being able to answer “oh, but you MUST want kids immediately?!” without screaming! (It’s double embarrassing because my SO and I actually do want kids but can’t right now because of my vaginismus but that is neither here nor there). All this to say, I understand and say to you “do what you want!”

      • TheLoop says:

        I can so relate to this. I didn’t want kids right away after marriage but even if I did, we couldn’t because of severe vaginismus. And so few people know or understand what it is, that even when I confided in anyone, they’d ask “but can’t you just use lots of lube or take an aspiring or something?” Arrgh. I would just say “we don’t want kids” because it was easier. On a positive note though, I was able to overcome it after almost 4 years of therapy etc. and now have two lovely kids. Good luck!

  2. Monica says:

    Once you have a child, they just keep asking. I think for women, it just never really stops. Maybe it will stop after menopause…one can hope.

    • Paula says:

      Haha true, I’m 30 weeks pregnant and I get that question every now and then. Can we just deal with this one first? This is truly the last thing on my mind at this point.

    • Belle says:

      Then you get, “When is Child X supplying you with a grand child…”

  3. Cait says:

    What about how to handle it when you’re not even married? As in, “better get a move one, that biological clock is ticking!” Or “well if you’re not married by now, you must not want kids!” Excuse me for thinking that getting married is about more than finding a breeding partner!

    • LS says:

      Last week, a male acquaintance told me “I’d better get crackin” since I want kids. Ugh. I’m not going to settle with someone I don’t think is a good fit just to reproduce.

  4. Stephanie says:

    Laneige is actually a Korean brand, not French.

  5. Caroline says:

    Why do people ask why someone doesn’t want kids? That assumes having kids is the default, and any response they give comes off as an excuse. Rather, we should be questioning the people who DO want kids. If they’re taking on that enormous responsibility they ought to have a good reason for doing so.

    What we should all be doing is challenging the notion that we have to have kids. When someone asks, don’t rattle off a list of things that are a greater priority to you (which will only make you seem selfish). Instead, approach it the same way you would if someone asks why you’re not taking up scuba diving or getting a puppy or buying a new car. “I don’t have any reason to” or “I have no interest in it” are good responses.

    • Jenn S. says:

      Alas – “I have no interest,” is usually met with a slew of ignorant objections. “Maybe not NOW…” “Just you wait!” “That’ll change.” Okay, maybe it will, but that’s still none of your (the asker’s) business.

      I’ve also encountered, “But I want grandkids to spoil,” or, “Who will take care of you when you’re old?” as though either of those things should be high ranking considerations for reproducing, ugh.

      • Caroline says:

        “I have no interest right now and I doubt I ever will.”

        “I’m sorry I can’t give you grandkids, but it wouldn’t be right to have kids just for someone else’s benefit.”

        “When I’m old I’ll have the money to hire someone to take care of me (besides, you can’t always count on your kids to be there to do it).”

        But I’m lucky– my parents were never pushing for grandkids and my sister has a baby anyway. And now that I’m in my mid-30’s I can say without hesitation that my feelings on this matter won’t ever change.

        • Jenn S. says:

          And all of those are great responses, ones I have used with my particular “problem children,” before. The problem is that no matter how rational and concise or boundary-setting a response is there are some people who think they know better and won’t sleep until they beat the dead horse. It’s unfortunate.

          My parents never pushed, thankfully. I’m not yet in my mid-thirties, but I am confident.

  6. Denise says:

    As a former infertile who now has 2 children, the youngest is 1 and I’m pushing 40, I’ve found that the questions regarding kids (when, why, why not, why now when you’re OMG so old, etc.) never seem to end. The most effective answer I’ve come up with is ‘I have elected not to discuss my reproductive status with anyone except my doctor. Thank you for your concern, you are so sweet’. Full stop. I’ve never had someone bring it up twice… 😉

    • LS says:

      I love that response, but I’m already a blunt person and feel like I could hurt someone’s feeling with this. You have any issues with that?

      I’m 29 and single and though I would like to have kids someday, it’s not in the plans anytime soon. I will likely be an older mom and can already anticipate the comments about my age.

      • Caroline says:

        Possibly, but they’ll get over it. This is one of those things that women have to stop being overly nice about!

      • Denise says:

        I think tone is everything with this kind of a response. And honestly, if this was the offender’s first time saying it, I’d probably leave the ‘with my doctor’ statement out. A simple ‘that’s not something I discuss with others, thank you for your concern’ would suffice. I’ve had male coworkers ask me about it (typically Europeans) and I have always responded that ‘Americans don’t find this a suitable conversation topic’.

        Nobody has ever told me they were offended by my reply… To do so would require them to kind of admit how inappropriate their question is in the first place (“I didn’t appreciate your response to my highly invasive questions”). Stunned silence or a polite smile is typically what I get.

        Remember…regardless of what you do, someone is going to have an opinion on it 🙂 Ignore, ignore, ignore

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