The emails started arriving last week. Their subject lines said it all:
“This has to be a joke.”
“OMG! You are going to D.I.E!”
“You are NOT going to believe this.”
“Brace yourself before reading.”
The Wedding Uggs had officially arrived.
When it comes to weddings, people tend to go a little crazy. A cake made with $33 worth of ingredients can cost upwards of $1,000. Bridesmaids dresses that can only be worn once cost more than business suits that can be worn for years. And women who have never spent more than $100 on a pair of shoes in their lives rush to buy Jimmy Choos and Manolos and Louboutins for their Big Day.
No wonder the evil-doers at Ugg Australia want to jump, shearling-clod feet first, into the wedding business.
After all, why should any occasion be considered too sacred for fuzzy flip-flops?
Being from a small country town out West, I’ve known women who wore Uggs to their wedding ceremony and/or reception. Of course, I once knew a bride who wore platform, Lucite “stripper” heels, complete with flashing rainbow lights, but that doesn’t make it right.
I could wax nostalgic about the evils of Uggs and the belief that avoiding momentary discomfort is far more important than being appropriately attired on your wedding day, but I won’t. Instead, I will simply share a few of the one liners that popped into my head as I was preparing to write this post. Because if we couldn’t laugh about it, we would surely cry.
“Your wedding day, now with a side of foot fungus.”
“Something old, something new, something tacky, something blue.”
“I do! by Ugg: Everyone will be so distracted by your shoes, no one will even notice that your pregnant!”
“Today, wedding shoes by Ugg. Tomorrow, wedding gowns made by Forever Lazy.”
“The Bailey boot by I Do! Because nothing says classy like a giant plastic diamond.”
“Because no Big Fat Gypsy Wedding would be complete without them.”
“Wedding Uggs: Buy some for your bridesmaids, and guarantee that they won’t look better than you.”
“Because your reception venue has a strict, ‘No shirt. No shoes. No service.’ policy.”
That’s all I’ve got ladies, make sure to tip your waitresses. And if you have a comment on this new low for the American wedding industry, please leave it in the comments.