Faux Pas: Something Borrowed, Something Shearling

May 24, 2012

The emails started arriving last week.  Their subject lines said it all:

“This has to be a joke.”

“OMG! You are going to D.I.E!”

“You are NOT going to believe this.”

“Brace yourself before reading.”

“Holy F**k.”

The Wedding Uggs had officially arrived.

 When it comes to weddings, people tend to go a little crazy.  A cake made with $33 worth of ingredients can cost upwards of $1,000.  Bridesmaids dresses that can only be worn once cost more than business suits that can be worn for years.  And women who have never spent more than $100 on a pair of shoes in their lives rush to buy Jimmy Choos and Manolos and Louboutins for their Big Day.

No wonder the evil-doers at Ugg Australia want to jump, shearling-clod feet first, into the wedding business.

After all, why should any occasion be considered too sacred for fuzzy flip-flops?

Being from a small country town out West, I’ve known women who wore Uggs to their wedding ceremony and/or reception.  Of course, I once knew a bride who wore platform, Lucite “stripper” heels, complete with flashing rainbow lights, but that doesn’t make it right. 

I could wax nostalgic about the evils of Uggs and the belief that avoiding momentary discomfort is far more important than being appropriately attired on your wedding day, but I won’t.  Instead, I will simply share a few of the one liners that popped into my head as I was preparing to write this post.  Because if we couldn’t laugh about it, we would surely cry.

“Your wedding day, now with a side of foot fungus.”

“Something old, something new, something tacky, something blue.”

“I do! by Ugg: Everyone will be so distracted by your shoes, no one will even notice that your pregnant!”

“Today, wedding shoes by Ugg.  Tomorrow, wedding gowns made by Forever Lazy.”

“The Bailey boot by I Do! Because nothing says classy like a giant plastic diamond.”

“Because no Big Fat Gypsy Wedding would be complete without them.”

“Wedding Uggs: Buy some for your bridesmaids, and guarantee that they won’t look better than you.”

“Because your reception venue has a strict, ‘No shirt. No shoes. No service.’ policy.”

That’s all I’ve got ladies, make sure to tip your waitresses.  And if you have a comment on this new low for the American wedding industry, please leave it in the comments.

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  1. CatG says:

    This is the greatest thing I've seen today. Thank you, Belle.

  2. Terry Darcy says:

    Belle, you nailed it. Might as well go all out tacky and have the bride and groom wear matching genuine sheepskin wedding rings. I'd add it to my jewelry store's website as a joke, but fear it would put us out of business within the day.

  3. helixy says:

    Omfg… I was joking about this the other day with a coworker who asked if my fiance and I have set a date/have I picked a dress/etc. What an awful joke–I am so horrified that these things actually exist!

    I am admittedly not a fashionista. I like looking put-together and not uncomfortably dated, but I'm not a trend-chaser. Some of our friends and members of our families, though, have me a little concerned about what their interpretation of formal or semi-formal will be, but if people show up in a pair of Uggs so help me…they are NOT wedding attire! (Except maybe for the lady who spun her favorite sheep's wool and made a gown out of it-look it up.)

    And the women who drop a paycheck on a pair of wedding shoes that they will wear for a grand total of maybe 2 hours before going to flip flops (ack) or barefoot? Irresponsible! I hope that my BMs and I can decide on dresses that they actually will be able to wear again, and in a fair price-point. Even gowns…people spend ludicrous amounts of money on wedding gowns…ugh! I'm ranting. I'll stop.

  4. UB says:

    YES, your one liners just made the lunch break much more entertaining. Everybody around me is now engaged in a hilarious snark fest about faux pas ūüôā

  5. Morgan says:

    “Wedding Uggs: Buy some for your bridesmaids, and guarantee that they won't look better than you.” my favorite. well played

  6. Ashley says:

    I saw these last week and my first thought was of you and your response!

  7. Michelle says:

    The pre-post responses to the headline describe my reaction exactly…. The only thing worse is knowing that these will be purchased and worn. Why???

  8. Lougirl says:

    Haha. More good news for you. Now you can decorate your bedroom in the luxurious, serene comfort of Vera Bradley bedding. Sweet Dreams, Belle!

  9. HM says:

    Okay, that forever lazy thing was hilarious! They have zippers in the back so you can use the toilet without taking them off… I laughed so hard I cried!

  10. cara says:

    hahahaa… I actually thought you had come up with a new appropriate name for Forever 21: “Forever Lazy, because why waste time going to multiple stores when you can buy EVERY. SINGLE. CURRENT. TREND. in one store? Hell, you can even get them ALL in one OUTFIT: Forever Lazy, we guarantee that you will look like you stepped right off of the pages of seventeen magazine for less than $100.”

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