Faux Pas: Somebody Get the Raid
Apr 14, 2011
From time to time, when I’m searching through the plethora of pieces on Polyvore, I find something that makes my mouth drop open. Something so strange, ugly or unbelievable that it haunts my dreams for days afterward. Something like this, for example.
You can stop squinting. You’re not imagining it. Those are bugs, Cicadas to be exact. And if ModCloth is to be believed they’re Magic-Cicadas, though the retailer gives no explanation of what their magical powers are. (Making your dates disappear, I suspect.)
Now, I’m not going to pretend that I know what would possess a person to design these, but I definitely don’t know why someone would pay $30 to wear them. Especially since they make the wearer look like she’s about to have her ear eaten by one of the bugs from the Orkin commercial.
Yes, having your earlobes devoured by a giant insect is definitely chic. If you lived in Egypt, 1,400 years ago. But here in the 21st century, we spend millions exterminating creepy, crawly things, we don’t adorn ourselves with their life-size recreations.
But by far and away, the best part about ModCloth’s entomological fashion statement is the description by their “fashion writer.” Her poetic machinations described the Cicadas unceasing hum as “the season’s most beautiful song.” The Cicada’s mating song even makes her “heart swoon,” though I don’t expect that she’s their type.
If you have the urge to purchase these entomological earrings, take that desire and bury it way, way down deep in your psyche. Because expressing a need to own these is crazy talk.