On Tuesday, one of my coworkers showed up to the office wearing jingle bell earrings and a holiday headband. Being a first cousin of Ebenezer Scrooge, I was opposed, vehemently opposed, to this display of childlike enthusiasm. But as I type this, I realize that given the customary joy of the yuletide season, a few fashionable displays of holiday cheer are probably in order. So break out the red satin headbands and the green wool scarves, Belle has put her fashion citation booklet away for a few weeks.
As long as there are no sweaters with embroidered Santas or puffy paint reindeer on them, I will make it into the New Year with my sense of fashion (and my retinas) unscathed. However, the nonsense happening in the photo below is not allowed under any circumstances.
If you want to paint your nails a bright, shimmering red or a dramatic green for the holiday season than by all means. But do not alternate fingernails like a five-year-old who got into Mommy’s makeup bag. (To my Jewish readers, the same rules apply for blue and silver polishes as well.)
Celebrating the holidays in style is about subtlety. It’s the difference between wearing a crystal Santa hat brooch on your lapel and coming to work in a polyester Santa hat. One is festive but chic, and one is a crime against humanity.
Thus, if you choose to celebrate the blessings of the season, please do so in moderation. Because if I see so much as one pair of striped elf tights* walking the marble halls of Capitol Hill, the wearer may require medical attention and I may require bail money. Dressing like Santa’s little helper is never allowed (yes, I’m talking to you Julia Allison.)