One year ago, I said goodbye to my Avery. I was blessed to know that her last day was her last day, instead of being surprised by it like some cruel joke. She went on walks, ate human food, played with her ball, and I held her until her last breath.
When she came to live with me in 2015, I thought we would have 12-15 years together. We had nine years and 355 days. Not that I was counting. Truthfully, no number of days would have ever been enough with the dog who filled my days with joy, even when she was the only light in the darkness.
I miss her terribly — her gentle snores, her soft puppy fur, her bouncy walk, her happy piggy-puppy grunts. I still cannot accept that she is gone. I have accepted that I will live with this emptiness forever. My therapist has accepted it as well. She told me in May that she had had to ask another counselor for advice, as she had never had a patient grieve a pet so deeply. The other counselor told her that there is no salve for the loss of a person’s “soul pet,” because it is more like losing a limb than an animal. That feels right.
If you are lucky enough to still have your truest companion, give her or him a hug for me. If you have the means, please consider donating pet food to the recipients of Meals on Wheels. Very often, seniors will feed their pets before they will feed themselves. Taking care of pets is taking care of their owners.
+ American women deserve better choices that ‘tradwife’ or ‘girl boss.’ (InStyle)
+ Bought this dress from Modern Citizen. No regrets.
+ How to tackle your to do list if you struggle with executive functioning. (NYT, gift link)
+ The Parisian Heist is finally out. Praise be. Can’t wait to read it.
+ Why is this so hard to remember? (Pinterest)
+ Semi-Casual Wedding Look: this dress, these kitten heels, and this small bag.
+ The complex challenges of taking menstrual leave. (Financial Times)
+ This white dress is utterly sublime and perfect for summer.
+ How to let go of the things you don’t use anymore and declutter your life. (WaPost, gift link)
+ I am obsessed with this sheer bra and panty set from Eby.
+ Make this homemade orange soda for a hot summer day. (Crowded Kitchen)
+ This cool band with solitaire would make an awesome travel ring.
+ Getting rid of razor bumps for smooth skin in time for August Recess. (Glamour)
+ These woven mules do summer-to-fall transition perfectly. Love the green.
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Sending you love and support, Abra. May Avery’s memory forever be a blessing.
Oh, Abra! This is so hard, but thank you for sharing how much you love and miss Avery. I remember when you first got her and looked forward to all your mentions of her. The grief you feel is a testament to the love between you. It’s important to acknowledge that to yourself and the world.
It doesn’t seem so right now, because even a year out is too close to believe that one day, it will get better. Even though I’m most definitely a dog person, I had a similar relationship with one particular cat. There were times after he left me that I could barely make it up my steps, when I could only move very slowly, when I didn’t want to go home, which had been our home together. There was not a moment when the loss and missing him went away, but I had to pretend it was further back than it really was. He was there for me in a way it seems Avery was there for you. It’s been a couple of decades now, and I’ll still fall to tears near our anniversary or when I think deeply about him. If it was good, then the more time you had with them, the more you want. Eventually, the rest of your life, as it unfolds, will make Avery’s memory and the loss of her more bearable, and another may come who doesn’t replace her, but bears her legacy. And you’ve opened yourself to another dog who can’t fill the Avery-shaped hole, but maybe can help fill the dog-shaped hole. Everything you’re feeling is a result of the love you had for each other. Thank you so much for sharing this.
The woven mules link goes to a book on Amazon FYI
Bless you. https://go.shopmy.us/p-71940250
Love the Hanson link. My girlfriends and I took a trip to see them live in Epcot a couple of years ago. We are in our late 30s and our 10 year old selves were squealing internally. Their music holds up and they are quite talented musicians!
I am sending thoughts your way as you continue to grieve Avery. It feels impossible to lose a family member and the grief can be overwhelming. I think of it like losing a small piece of your heart. You continue on living, but your heart is always changed. And even if you love another pet in the future, it doesn’t fill that hole, it just makes your heart grow.
Our family recently lost a beloved pet (her name was my daughter’s first word!) and we found this TEDx talk from a vet to be especially comforting. She explains the tangible reasons that grief from pet loss is so profound. xoxo
Pet loss grief; the pain explained | Sarah Hoggan DVM | TEDxTemecula
https://youtu.be/TkJGhQANjZo?si=HDnWaR6lasSV55o4
That last link. Still hits me in all the feels all these *decades* later. They are from my hometown and Taylor still passes the vibe check. My Dad ran into them at the airport and had no idea who they were. (Facepalm).
Thank you for sharing <3