Recently, I decided to make the leap and purchase an iPhone.  I was tired of my Blackberry melting down like a German in a diving competition every time I needed to search the web, and every other fashion blogger on planet Earth has one, so it felt like the right thing to do.  

Shortly after buying the phone, I decided to purchase a case for it.  I really don’t know why I thought this was necessary since I’ve owned eight cell phones over the past twelve years and never felt the need to decorate any of them.  But nevertheless, hours after purchasing my iPhone, there I was, on the Internet, searching for a case that truly captured my essence.  

There were metallic cases and Swarovski-encrusted cases.  There were cases with sports logos and personalized monograms.  There were cases that glowed in the dark or had flashing lights.  There were even cases that smell like your favorite flavor of Jelly Belly.

Etsy had cases knitted by a woman in Massachusetts to look like sweaters, and cases covered in three dimensional cookies and cakes.  

Live in a cold climate?  How about an iPhone case covered in real fur?

Not satisfied with giving Apple free advertising by carrying an iPhone? Why not double up on the commitment to consumerism by shilling for Juicy Couture, Tory Burch or Marc Jacobs with a logo case?

And, of course, there’s a Hello Kitty case.  Or 200 Hello Kitty cases. Heaven forbid Sanrio miss out on a single penny of that billion dollar empire.

But the most abhorrent thing I found during my search for an iPhone case was this monstrosity:

Rabito iPhone 4 Case ($32)

Even more horrifying? It’s being sold at my beloved Nordstrom.  [facepalm]

After I finished weeping bitter tears, I began to wonder about the kind of person who carries a bunny-shaped iPhone case complete with pointy ears and bushy tail.  Who is the target demographic for this product?  What person would buy an iPhone in an attempt to look cool and urbane (isn’t that why we all own them?), and then wrap it in a fluffy pink bunny case?  

Teenage girls, sure.  But what grown person with a checking account and health insurance would carry such a thing?  I was determined to believe that no such person could exist.  Then, during my trip to New York, I found my unicorn.

My friend and I were sitting in the dining room of a restaurant with three Michelin stars when the woman at the table behind us pulled out a lime green bunny phone.  (Did I forget to mention that it comes in six colors? Including the very masculine black with striped bushy tail?)  

She was tall, attractive, late-30s.  She was wearing Manolos and a selection of Hermes bracelets.  And yet, there she was texting on a phone shaped like a freaking bunny.  

I wanted to ask her why.  I wanted to ask her if she was dropped on her head as a child, or if she’d done too many club drugs during her misspent youth.  I wanted to ask if she was making a philosphical statement about a topic that I wasn’t intelligent enough to understand.  But I didn’t.  I just watched in horror as she held her plastic lagomorph by the ears and dropped it into her Chloe bag.  

And then I ordered another cocktail.  A double.

I’m all for self-expression.  After all, that’s what clothes and fashion are all about.  I’m even willing to stretch the boundaries a bit and accept that choosing a whimsical, colorful case helps a person embrace his or her individuality.

But a case with ears and a furry, bushy tail?  I would endorse the wearing of Uggs in public before I would give the Rabito and its kin my stamp of approval.

All joking aside, before you step into your next business meeting, look down at your iPhone and ask yourself: What would my supervisor/client/Boss think if he/she saw this phone?  Because had I seen the woman from the restaurant on the street, I would have thought that she looked amazing and stylish.  But having seen her hidden shame, she would have to take a bullet for me before I could refer to her as anything other than the Woman with the Lime Green Bunny Phone.

Earlier this month, Corporette wrote an awesome post on trends that she is “totally sick of.”  Once I read it, I could.not.stop thinking about all of the trends that have sent me reeling.  Corporette hit the high points with peep toe booties and business suits made with shorts for bottoms (a professional short-suit is an oxy moron, and a waste of a good blazer), but I wanted to add a few of my pet peeves to the list.

1.  Call it a romper, a playsuit or a jumper but, whatever you call it, these grown up onesies are just atrocious.  And unbelievably unflattering.

Unless you’re walking the earth on long, skinny legs without a hint of belly fat and a perky bust, you will look dumpy, frumpy and squat in a romper.  There’s a reason why only supermodels and five-year-old girls can pull off this trend.

2. Multi-finger rings were cool, for a minute.  Now, these uncomfortable trinkets are, as a jr. high school girl would say, “So 2008.”

3.  I don’t know what it is about summer that makes women lose their minds and purchase canvas tote bags that cost more than $100.  The Anya Hindmarch bag above is $295.  Tory Burch sells her canvas totes for over $300.  And Kate Spade hocks printed canvas bags that cost as much as a month’s worth of my groceries.  The bags are canvas, one of the world’s cheapest fabrics, please do not spend a triple-digit sum on them.  Especially when you can only carry them three months per year.

4.  Corporette mentioned high-low or dip hem skirts in her post, but given this trend’s upward trajectory, the advice bears repeating.  This style is the epitome of a one-year trend.  Next year, this will be last year’s skirt.  In 20 years, your teenage daughter will come home wearing one.

Basically, the dip hem is to 2012 what the bubble hem was to 2007 and what the one shoulder neckline was to 2010.  One day the trend is everywhere, and the next, it’s played out.

5. Platform wedges.  They’re clunky, chunky and ugly, and yet, they’re so pervasive, I wonder if they will ever go away.  Just today, I saw a woman wearing them.  They really accentuated her cracked and blistered heels.

Bottom line, heavy footwear, like the wedges above, makes your legs look thick and stubby and draws attention to your feet for all the wrong reasons.  They’re not flattering, they look cheap even if they’re expensive and they need to be eliminated from wardrobes everywhere.

Still want wedges? Try a lighter and more graceful silhouette, like these Ivanka Trump ones or these Kate Spade’s.

Which trends are you totally sick of?  Leave your thoughts in the comments.

The emails started arriving last week.  Their subject lines said it all:

“This has to be a joke.”

“OMG! You are going to D.I.E!”

“You are NOT going to believe this.”

“Brace yourself before reading.”

“Holy F**k.”

The Wedding Uggs had officially arrived.

 When it comes to weddings, people tend to go a little crazy.  A cake made with $33 worth of ingredients can cost upwards of $1,000.  Bridesmaids dresses that can only be worn once cost more than business suits that can be worn for years.  And women who have never spent more than $100 on a pair of shoes in their lives rush to buy Jimmy Choos and Manolos and Louboutins for their Big Day.

No wonder the evil-doers at Ugg Australia want to jump, shearling-clod feet first, into the wedding business.

After all, why should any occasion be considered too sacred for fuzzy flip-flops?

Being from a small country town out West, I’ve known women who wore Uggs to their wedding ceremony and/or reception.  Of course, I once knew a bride who wore platform, Lucite “stripper” heels, complete with flashing rainbow lights, but that doesn’t make it right. 

I could wax nostalgic about the evils of Uggs and the belief that avoiding momentary discomfort is far more important than being appropriately attired on your wedding day, but I won’t.  Instead, I will simply share a few of the one liners that popped into my head as I was preparing to write this post.  Because if we couldn’t laugh about it, we would surely cry.

“Your wedding day, now with a side of foot fungus.”

“Something old, something new, something tacky, something blue.”

“I do! by Ugg: Everyone will be so distracted by your shoes, no one will even notice that your pregnant!”

“Today, wedding shoes by Ugg.  Tomorrow, wedding gowns made by Forever Lazy.”

“The Bailey boot by I Do! Because nothing says classy like a giant plastic diamond.”

“Because no Big Fat Gypsy Wedding would be complete without them.”

“Wedding Uggs: Buy some for your bridesmaids, and guarantee that they won’t look better than you.”

“Because your reception venue has a strict, ‘No shirt. No shoes. No service.’ policy.”

That’s all I’ve got ladies, make sure to tip your waitresses.  And if you have a comment on this new low for the American wedding industry, please leave it in the comments.